Posted July 6th, 2010 by mathersmyhero
For just about as long as I can remember, I have been picking. I am 17 years old. I will squeeze anything that I think will yield an excretion. For so many years I have been stuck in this. I pick my face, arms, legs, and chest. There are only 2 people who know about this, one I told because he's one of my closest friends and the other is a friend I met through To Write Love On Her Arms and he has CSP too. I am bipolar and have dealt with this since I was 13 or 14. There have been times when I have been so desperate for help but too ashamed to admit to my picking because it's such a weird thing, I thought, that whomever I told would never think of me the same again. In these situations I will say I am a self mutilator, and let them assume what they want about the details of my mutilation. I guess they just assume I cut, which I have never actually done. I have spent my entire life practically being ashamed of my CSP. I wear tons of coverup, and only recently started to wear shorts because I don't want anyone to notice the scars on my legs. I will go into the bathroom to simply use the toilet and end up staying there for dreadfully long, either sitting there and picking my arms and legs or standing in the mirror picking my face. I've been walked in on and scared out of my mind because I'm in such a trance when I'm picking. I pick when I am very upset or right before bed because it calms me down. I spend at least an hour a day picking. I just want help. Comfort. If anyone has msn/windows live messenger, please let me know? I need someone to talk to you know? :) I'm a 17 yo female by the way.