Hello everyone,hope someone reads my post.Please help if you can :advise,referrals etc.I am 31 year old female,married, 1 child ,living in a large city(US).Grew up in a foreign country during the war.Have no history of child abuse,my parents did the best they could raising us(my younger brother and me),my mother was fighting depression most of her life and my dad was hardly around. Never had close relationship with my dad,I am trying to restore it now-always felt far from him and felt anger.Also,do have history of suicide in my close family(my grandfather killed himself when I was 20 yrs old)Have been fighting depression since teenager(tried to kill my self when 16) and have most likely GAD(never have been diagnosed but GP prescribed CeIexa -Citalopram(10mg),mostly because i was getting sever panic attacks every morning and cried from time to time and felt "down" .Have been picking my scalp since 13 and eating scabs,I have stopped that when 19 yrs old.Since 23 yrs old I have been off and on picking my skin on my hands and feet and eating it. At times I do pick my scalp.I also notices past couple of years have been rubbing the skin on my chest to get dirt and then I would eat it. This is what I am thinking :when I was a kid and my dad was not around my mom would be upset and sad and I remember seeing that made me to be angry..Because I could not do anything about this anger,the anger turned inward and in my teenager years I started with self-mutilation There is a component of OCD there as well,this rituals help me relive the anxiety I am feeling.This just occurred to me,my dad is visiting us in US and I started picking on my heels again.It hurts,but it gives me comfort during the ritual and I can not prevent it. I can not stop myself.have an idea why I might be doing it,but where does the eating come in?I have been a nose picker (and you can guess-I eat it too-sometimes) since I was a kid(my kid does that too-guess haven't been a great role model),I just don't get the skin eating part ,why I eat it-maybe I don't want to part with the problem yet-don't want to let go any part of myslef,throwing it away would be like throwing away a piece of myself.
Please help me,NO nasty coMMents,Thank you