I pick all over and I feel helpless
Posted September 30th, 2011 by DubaDelRue
It doesn't matter what it is. A scratch, a zit, an ingrown hair. And it doesn't matter where it is. I pick. I need to stop. I have scarred my face and body bad enough. I didn't use to pick at my arms but now I have found it most pleasing. I need to stop touching my face all together. This morning I picked at my face so bad that it will be scarred up for months. And it's a bummer too because my face had just cleared up. It doesnt help either that I have small little cysts all over my face. and two that keep coming back under my eyes. I feel so anxious lately. So I go into the bathroom and wash my face. I feel one little zit on the side of my jaw and next thing I know 30 minutes has gone by and when I look into the mirror I see a red swollen face. I have picked at almost every pore on my face. And the one little zit that i started with is now bleeding and wont stop. Even my neck is red with scars and pock marks. When I was younger my mother would try and "pop" my cysts and now I have two very large permanent scars on the high part of my cheeks just below my eyes. I feel so helpless. I write on my mirrors. reminders to breath. To ask myself what I'm feeling and to walk away from the mirror. But sometimes I just can't. I don't want to pick anymore. I just want to be able to walk into the bathroom and not look in the mirror and want to pick. I want to be happy. Now's the time! If you feel the same way or need someone to pull you away from the mirror at times your not alone. I'm going to get through this. Starting today I have promised myself that I will not pick at my face! I will not touch my face with dirty hands. I promise myself that if I am feeling anxious for any reason I will write here instead of picking. I'm going to get through this. SO CAN YOU!