how about we throw this disorder in the trash can?
Posted November 8th, 2011 by linds
hey guys, super glad i came accross a forum for this topic because like all of you, it has been tormenting me for too long. im 19 years old, going on 20 and this is supposed to be the best time in my life, where i start to find myself and all that jazz... dermotillomania really screws with that doesnt it? It amazing how much damage it has on my self esteem.. less about the after effects of popping/picking, but more so just feeling like ive failed, like i wasnt strong enough to fight the urge. Its almost like a smoking addiction ive decided, its a stress release and a cause of stress at the same time. The part that bothers me the most is how amazing I feel on the days that I dont pick or touch my skin, I feel free and self confident. This never lasts though, as soon as I start doing well, there I am back at square one again. My biggest problem is my breats.. its awful because theyre actually quite nice and i happen to like them, but i ruin them all the time since i discovered how fun it is to pop the pores on them. I have a boyfriend and I wont let him see or touch them when I mess with them, its a vicious cycle. I see one imperfection or a pore that I know will be especially rewarding to pop and bam..I can't stop. I get sucked into this weird state of being where my mind is telling me "stop doing that youre going to immediately regret it when you look in the mirror" but my fingers wont listen. The days when I'm good and dont do damage are the days that I refrain from examining my skin.. its the examination that is the trigger. If i never looked at my breasts or arms or face up close, I would never feel compelled to pop. I do a little damage here and there on my face and arms but not nearly as bad.. on my face though, when i pop/pick and develop a scab I cant leave it alone. my fingers pick at it subconcsciously when Im stressed or driving or anytime really. Anyways, it feels good to vent about all this. I wanna kick this thing to the curb so it stops controlling my life and destroying my self esteem.. if anyone has any tips on how to stop it would really help. even stories about personal success or things you found to be particularily helpful.. thanks