80 days' commitment

Posted January 13th, 2012 by Basta
Day 1: Today is the first day of my the new me. I'm not picking anymore and the next 80 days I'll make my determination even stronger putting my will-power and thoughts into this transformation.
‹ Name three things that you love about your body :) Commitment! ›
On February 22nd, 2012 Basta said:
Day 41! I want to pick really much, but I manage somehow to forget it. My picking today is a result of me not doing the most important thing which is to apply the university I want to attend and jobs and study. Gosh, I have really much which has to get done! I got great results from TOEFL test today! Yay! I was really afraid I made lots of mistakes but it seems I didn't!! :)) The day has been great too in another way: I finally found the leather jacket I has been looking for for 1,5 years!!! It is used but it's in excellent condition. Soooo happy!
On February 21st, 2012 Basta said:
Day 40! OMG I still haven't picked!!! I am so lucky that my skin has been quite dry the last days - I was sick and vomited for a few days in a row so I almost haven't eaten anything - it seems that there's something I eat which makes my skin produce more sebum because after these days it hasn't. I haven't eaten fruit at all yet, my stomach is still in quite a bad condition.
On February 17th, 2012 Basta said:
Day 36! My skin looks lovely! My daughter have been sick but today I finally have a day for myself today! I have won a ticket to a styling event with country's best stylist for tonight! So excited! :)
On February 14th, 2012 Basta said:
Day 33! My skin has finally recovered since the last episode. I am seriously thinking about throwing the mirror away because it still makes me pick sometimes, I don't want this to happen anymore!! The Toefl test last saturday was very difficult so I am afraid that I won't get enough points. I need 80, I don't really know how many mistakes are accepted. My daugher is sick, so I have been at home with her today. She hasn't slept two nights in a row now and I am very tired!! I wanted to use this whole week on thinking about my life purpose and made no appointments but I guess I will just be staying at home with her and having my 100% on her. It's ok, but just not the best timing!
On February 9th, 2012 Basta said:
Day 28: My skin looks lovely! I realized that my cheeks don't get any inflammations or even pimples if I don't touch or pick them! So I am now quite sure that I have normal skin there. Forehead and chin are not good - pimples and inflamed pores all the time.
On February 14th, 2012 valentine said:
I just wanted to chime in to congratulate you on your journey so far. I'm starting (again) tonight and figure I may have some questions for you down the line... like about ways you've fought through the hard urges...and how/whether you went about eliminating top "picking spots" in the house. (For me, on my bikini/wax line, I don't need a mirror but that means all seats near/under bright lights are "danger zones". Do I have to change the lighting everywhere in the house??)
On February 14th, 2012 Basta said:
I used to have a mirror in my living room where the light is best and pick every single night. I took the mirror into my closet first. The worst days I would hold one hand with the other and this way fysically not be able to pick. I used to pick bikini line too, but after I stopped waxing/epilating there and use a razor it's not exciting anymore because there are no grown in hairs. I would change the lightning in every dangerous zone, it's a cheap way to make a huge progress!!! I sold one of the lamps I used to pick under - so glad I did!!
On February 9th, 2012 cleanandsparkles said:
Basta, how wonderful to have come so far and see evidence of all the commitment. i know how complex this all is but it is also such a great opportunity to get to know our REAL selves better and not rely on the avoidance tactics! challenging but worth the effort. how did interview go? like the sound of doing something similar in a voluntary role, think by helping others it has double benefit - it feeds our nurturing side and helps us feel good about ourselves too. which can't be a bad thing! :)
On February 9th, 2012 Basta said:
It went well! I got the job and going to two courses first (over two weekends) and then start around end of march. So excited!! I was thinking about why I would want to help people this way and realized that it's because deep inside I want to be helped.... It's not a bad thing but quite interesting to find the reason there! Sarah, I was so happy today but then my husband came home and then something just pushed me into picking. An hour long session :((((((((( I'm just really sad to lose some of my colleagues and can't talk with my husband about it, I have this issue that I don't want to show him my weaknesses (afraid of him leaving me). So without stopping and takng a breath I did what I used to do to deal with this. :( I am sad that I missed the moment. I must remember though that there will be a day tomorrow and the day after and so on... I am also nervous because I'm going to a TOEFL (English language exam) on Saturday and have actually no idea if I can get enough points. I haven't spoken English for quite a while, that's why I'm getting nervous and anxious. It's just a difficult time for me now. I have though finally fixed my website and actually ready, but really really afraid to fail.
On February 9th, 2012 cleanandsparkles said:
Basta, a pick is not going backwards - it is a pick amongst the many, many, many many, many strong days you have had. sounds as if you know this inside but i totally get that you are disappointed about not catching 'the moment' - god that bloody moment was a daily/nightly bloody moment before - now they can be 'one-offs'. also i guess hormonal time is a challenge. funny, i was just talking to my daughter (went to pizza express) and i was talking with her about all this stuff. its the time when we can feel a bit heavy, bloated, out-of-sorts and its a great time to avoid dwelling on things, but the time we are most inclined to be a little melancholy - and hey what an opportunity to really do a double whammy and temptation to pick can be huge - forgive yourself totally basta - you are doing great. sounds like you have a lot going on, good, bad and ugly - good (new job - congratulations! well done - you will be fab in this role, they are lucky to have you), bad (scary feelings re: husband - opportunity maybe to explore?) and a little ugly (ugly = losing work colleagues during day - but sure you will keep friends with the special ones?). gosh basta, so much change. so many different 'states' of mind to deal with. also surprise, surprise (not !) hormonal activity seems to intensify everything doesnt it? - now, as for Saturday - you can only do your absolute best. remember to take your deep breaths and think of positive things before you go in to exam - ie your fab new job. :) :) :)
On February 5th, 2012 Basta said:
Day 24: I haven't picked since that Saturday - until today. I only took the biggest "issues" but still not happy about it. My period has just begun too, so I guess I was influenced by the hormones. I still haven't got used to the fact that I am jobless now. Going to a job interview tomorrow (voluntary work) so very very excited if they want me!!! It's a telephone line you can call to if you are sad or lonely or anything else on earth, and I will hopefully be one of the people on the line to talk and support whoever calls.
On February 1st, 2012 awaken said:
Hi! I read your post a few nights ago before posting my first post. Your commitment was my inspiration to stop. Thank you. Keep doing you are doing so well!
On February 1st, 2012 awaken said:
Hi! I read your post a few nights ago before posting my first post. Your commitment was my inspiration to stop. Thank you. Keep doing you are doing so well!
On February 1st, 2012 Basta said:
Day 20: I picked last Saturday :( Was really afraid of getting many infected pores but the skin was not that bad after this the next day, I wore make-up anyway. I got fired this Monday. I'm ok with that but also wondering why me. It is probably normal. I haven't picked since saturday which is good but want to pick every day though. And I'm a bit sad and about to find out what to do with my life. I guess I'll just work on my own project and start my own business.
On February 1st, 2012 cleanandsparkles said:
Basta, - 1) :( re: firing. - 2) :) :) :) way you are planning new business and projects - 3) :) :) :) great you havent picked since Saturday and - 4) :) :) :) that your skin recovered v well.
On January 28th, 2012 Basta said:
Day 18: OMG, I still haven't picked!!! But I was so close to doing that yesterday. The pores are totally filled up... I couldn't wait for Tuesday and went to dermalogica's skin mapping yesterday. She told me I had oily skin om my forehead, nose and cheeks close to the nose. Other places it's normal skin so I can use my beloved skin smoothing creme all places but oily parts. I have bought Thermafoliant vitamin scrub - it is soooooooooo great!!!!! My skin feels renewed and very smooth. Yesterday I said goodbye to the office where I have been working dince august and will return to my usual place on Monday. My boss called me to a meeting - is he going to fire me???? I'm SO anxious now. Maybe it's this anxiety which made me want to pick yesterday? I'm glad I can write the feelings down so I integrate them without becoming self-destructive. I had also quite a hard time leaving that office yesterday, I was sad - it was difficult to leave them after these 5 months and not hurt. I'm still going to a dermatologist on Tuesday for a skin analysis, because it's free and I want to hear about the skin from another expert too.
On February 1st, 2012 cleanandsparkles said:
Hey basta. havent posted for what seems like centuries, but is in reality about a week! just checking in with you to say hi and hope your meeting positive with boss? - whoa! - bit daunting being called to a meeting - perfect opportunity for a big fat projection-circus. - v much hope it went ok. - also if you went to dermatologist how was skin analysis? - lots of new developments for me - but being on antibiotics wasnt one of the ones i expected... got some sort of infection (ditto re: above reference for a big fat 'projection' opportunity - blimey i have diagnosed myself with a million serious illnessess, however, hopefully the anti.b's will clear ' it ' up and whatever it is/was will be history). - dont much like taking these tablets but am drinking cranberry juice, gallons of water and eating natural yoghurt, etc. - there is a plus side to all this - skin looks great! - wishing you a good week too basta. :)
On January 28th, 2012 sarahSMILESx03 said:
this is really inspiring! i can't imagine not picking for 80 days. i hope one day i can get to this point :) keep us updated on how it's going.
On January 25th, 2012 Basta said:
Day 13: The skin is nice but I really really want to pick right now, uhhhhhhhhhhhh... I can feel that the pores are full and want to squeeze them. But I won't do that - I'm going to use the scrub (Origins) and then go to bed. I have had quite a tough time at work this week because the guy who is crazy about me is stalking me - he calls the phone all the time to ask me to go drink coffee with him, checking on me all the time, trying to talk to me on facebook and skype... My colleagues agreed to help me to keep him away - so I'm not leaving our office without a colleague beside me so he won't talk to me, and I exchanged my working place with a colleague so it's harder to come through to me. There are only three days left for me in this centre, so I'll go back to my usual job after that. I went to a hairdresser yesterday and to my surprise I was brave enough to let her cut quite a lot of my hair!!!! I felt like my skin is looking so much nicer that ever so I'm not afraid to have shorter hair anymore! I like the cut, it's a simple carre.
On January 25th, 2012 cleanandsparkles said:
how great to get a new, more radical haircut. - its funny isnt it how this being free from the picking provides so many new opportunities to be as we 'wish' to be, ie. just naturally spontaneous. - yukky to hear about stalking-guy. how boring to have to deal with that right now, thank goodness you can leave work-arena in few days. reminded me of book iv just read which featured amorous chap who bothered the narrator/character, very funny/lighthearted, Carole matthews, all wrapped up, like reading easy funny fiction as cheers me up, i am purposefully avoiding grotty things, inc books, films, tv, papers, and especially people! editing my life for new positive options! - hope you got good quality sleep and hope scrub worked v well. :)
On January 24th, 2012 Basta said:
Day 12! OMG, I'm still not picking!! I'm quite happy about that. I'm going to see a dermatologist today for a face scan - I'm really excited what he will say about my skin. It looks ok, but not perfect of course...
On January 24th, 2012 cleanandsparkles said:
hope today went well :) . - ive replied to your other message too hence quick note now, there is only so much time i can 'hide' in bathroom! face scan? not sure how it works but sounds interesting. :)
On January 25th, 2012 Basta said:
The face scan is a ultrasound scan where you can see the layers of the skin and it's composition. Are the cells strongly connected to each other or are they falling apart, is the skin thin or thick, is there sun damage and some other things which I don't remember now. My skin is actually quite "standard" for my age, it was nice to hear. But I am going to a "real" dermatologist on Tuesday to have a full skin analysis, where she will hopefully tell more about my skin. I can see that as long as I just use Clinique's cream on the areas (almost everywhere) where I have big pores and skin smoothing cream all the other places, then it works fine for me. I'm though still looking for a day cream which I'll be happy about.
On January 22nd, 2012 Basta said:
Day 10: The day went fine, but I've been looking for a good moisturizer and still haven't found anything. In the summer I like active moist from Dermalogica, it's really wonderful for my skin, but it's just not enough in the winter. I use skin smoothing cream around eyes (yes, I know I have to buy an eye cream but I haven't got so far yet) but it gives me pimples. I like the texture of Ole Henriksens herbal day creme, but it's sunscreen makes my face shine as if I put oil on the face... I got a sample of cliniques superdefence spf 25 for oily combination skin and it just dried my skin out, stang and gave me new pimples!!! Wow, I really didn't expect this!!! I didn't pick the face but did touch the shoulders... :( it was just a couple of clugged pores, so I didn't give totally in.
On January 20th, 2012 Basta said:
Day 8: This was quite a day for me today!!!!!!! I work a bit far from public transport these days (from August '11 till February) ans sometimes some of my colleagues drive and I get a lift to the underground. Today I used the chance again and one of my colleagues drove me. We drove and everything was fine but then he started talking. He told me that we was totally in love with me and just wanted to kiss me all day long, that he though about me all the time and that the only thing that was stopping him is that I'm married. :OOOOOOOO I really like the guy, he is a cool person and we have great chemistry, we work really great together, but I was shocked how many feelings he was going around and hiding from me. I'm actually still in shock! I'm NOT looking forward to next week because I will be working side by side with him and I just don't know how to behave to not hurt his feelings too much. The skin is doing fine, day eight now, tadaaaaa!!
On January 19th, 2012 Basta said:
Day 7: My skin looks really lovely :) I made a peel-off mask yesterday (black Daiso mask) which took some of the sebum from the pores in a gentle way! It is an excellent substitute to hours of picking with my hands. I have had a really sad morning today. Together with my skin-pick project I decided to accept and "contain" my feelings. NOT running from them but feeling what I'm feeling, give it a name and just let them be. Because I can see that so much as skin picking has been running from emotions, I need to stop running from them together with stopping the picking. It has been a good decision and I feel that when I accept the feelings, then they just are there and I find a kind of peace with them. For example yesterday I felt sad because of thoughts about education and writing/talking about it and being sad didn't frustrate but made me feel more free. But today I had to go to a gynecologist and had a biopsy, and I just hate it so much. I was really sad after it and when I came to work I began crying and spoke about it with two of my colleagues. I'm happy that I didn't suppress or ran from the feeling, but it was not the most pleasant thing to do.
On January 19th, 2012 cleanandsparkles said:
oh basta sorry to read of your ordeals this a.m. - v good that you shared with your colleagues. think part of emotion is the physical invasion of these tests/examinations - v intrusive and so personal. and then of course the waiting for result. well done for going through with it - really, really and another really. - feelings are bloody hard to feel but there is a sense of liberation afterwards. sadness is a gentle feeling and it can be shared with people and getting feedback/kindness from them is healing in itself. - picking and self-attacking is old style isnt it? - your colleagues will be understanding of you and appreciate your openness. - with picking, it can be so isolating because, in my case anyway, we tend to share our feelings less because the picking numbs the feelings to an extent - BUT in an unhealthy way. - hope you are ok now basta. give yourself some good treats today, something delicious to eat, or whatever. just something good. just for YOU.
On January 18th, 2012 Basta said:
Day 6: It's getting harder and harder. My anxiety levels are high again. I'm also feeling frustrated. My hubby's younger brother has just finished his university with a great grade. I'm happy for him but I am feeling sad because I haven't (yet) got my dream education and feel like a failure. These feelings make me focus on my skin - it's too sad to realize that I'm still not the one I want to be...
On January 18th, 2012 cleanandsparkles said:
hey basta. i am back after few days and iv missed the back-up that i get when i come on here. good you are still going strong, yes i acknowledge that you are having a downer - but guess what - you are having a 'downer' as a NON-PICKER! and lets face it you would probably be having a downer about the univ. thing anyway - so at least it is only on that level, rather than the horrid deeper level that we can go to with the picking. - hope i dont sound flippant here but i am just encouraging you in your success that you have had recently. I speak from experience here because i know that it is easy to forget how much the picking can prevent 'going forward'. - everything that is done from now on will be easier by the fact that there is at least one big burden less that we have to contend with, ie shame of picking. - As far as thinking that you are a failure is concerned that is a classic 'beat yourself up' mode. - Basta - it is never too late to achieve things, sometimes it may be not the way we might have chosen but things happen which can be far better than we could ever have imagined. - hope you are out of the doldrums now and that it was a momentary blip? - hope you have changed your focus and doing something good, like your running? best wishes and i am just going to blitz a little of my 'stuff' on my 'space' on here and then im off to get something to eat because i have just got in from work and need food! bfn
On January 18th, 2012 Basta said:
The negativity is away now :) Thank yu so much for your support!! The thing is that I'm applying for the university (again) this year and I'm afraid of getting a "no" for the 6th year in a row :( I've got other education and still studying but still not where I want to be. I really hope I'll succeed this year.
On January 19th, 2012 cleanandsparkles said:
Just had to comment on this too! :) I really hope that your application is successful for you for the uni. - with strong resolve we can have an influence on many things and suspect that you may have a better chance this time round with your appliction as a result of successfully conquering a major negative habit. - Guess that what you are studying at moment is important too and all ends up in a 'picture' of who you are. - all skills can help along the way and without sounding trite (forgive me if i do i genuinely mean this because i am trying to learn this too) - it is the journey along the way that is vital too. ie yes, hopefully this will be the year for being accepted but who knows what lessons there are to be learnt along the way to becoming where you want to be. - makes me think of climbing a mountain, its not just about reaching the top, its the climb itself (not that i am slightly obsessed with climbing a mountain at the moment, or anything!!!! - ok well yes i admit maybe i am a little), cannot help but think it is a fitting analogy. We are all striving to climb these metaphorical mountains - so often there is this pressure to achieve. Surely the absolute greatest achievement of all is peace/happiness, love, health, etc. obviously fantastic to successfully become what we aspire to be but it is the person inbetween that counts too. - guess im a little contemplative right now because i need to get some kip. going to get a hot milk drink and commence snoring. zzzzzzzzzzzzzz :)
On January 16th, 2012 Basta said:
Day 4: was at work and it actually went well. I'm still struggling with the urge to peel the flakes of the face, so I guess I'll go to bed now. :)
On January 15th, 2012 Basta said:
Day 3: Have been at school today too and have been touching my skin lots of times in search of some dry flakes to rip off... My anxiety is at a very high level today. I had a really terrible nightmare tonight so I was quite sad in the morning - everything felt so real in this dream :(
On January 14th, 2012 Basta said:
Day 2: Will spend the whole day at school today, and will cook in the evening, so it'll be a busy day. I'm thinking "clear" - I try to act as if I didn't have any skin issues at all. It feels great so far!
On January 13th, 2012 cleanandsparkles said:
hi basta, i would put a thumbs up sign of encouragement but there isnt one as far as i know. so :) instead. anyhow i am about to post on my little 'comment space' but thought id quickly say hi on yours. i have got my boyfriend staying until tuesday and will find it difficult to spend much time on here and i am slightly apprehensive, only slightly but i just know i will miss the amazing strength i get from this site. still, i hope to get a few minutes here and there. in the meantime, keep up good work and here's to 'freedom forever'! p.s isnt 'basta' italian for 'enough'? i was an au-pair in Rome years ago and the mum kept saying 'basta' to the child! consequently, its one of the few words i remember. anyhow it is very fitting because i certainly had endured enough. best wishes
On January 13th, 2012 Basta said:
That's right - this nick name came up to my mind when I wanted to become a member here. Basta is Enough! I :-) Funny - I've been an au pair too, but in Denmark. I will be thinking about you and send you the positive wibes while you're away from the site.
On January 13th, 2012 cleanandsparkles said:
thank you so much basta and ditto. great support, just brilliant. i am running late now - nothing new there! but just v quickly wanted to say how much i appreciated your comment. and I think 'zubito'? isnt that italian for 'quick'? anyway, something like that - and that is what i need to be now! thanks again and back soon.....
For information on the skin picking disorder (Dermatillomania), symptoms, causes and treatment methods, get the Complete Guide to Skin Picking Disorders.