Valentine: I'll be mine

Posted February 14th, 2012 by valentine
Hi All. So, I've been at this for 20 years and I am ready to stop. I've been trying to amass days without picking by "counting days" but what I see now is that I have still been trying to assert willpower over a chronic medical condition and, like an addict trying to quit drugs or alcohol, I have a much better chance of making it if I *don't* try to do it alone. So I'm posting here to not go it alone. And Day One will be tomorrow, Valentine's day. I hope. So tonight's goal is to make it to slumber tomorrow without picking. Like many of you I've gone days, weeks, even months without picking over the years but like a virus that never leaves the body, it always returns. I'm in a new relationship now and though I've been upfront and open about the issue, I've thus far managed to hide most of the damage because we are apart for weeks at a time due to work commitments so I do a ton of damage, then wait for it to heal which is usually timed to our visits. Then, after we've been together nonstop for a week or two, the picking starts again and mainly along the bikini/wax line. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired over this problem and so I ask for as much support as you're able to offer. I'd love to track other people's progress too! And I guess I want to be ready for the inevitable slips along the way. Anyway, thanks for reading. And thanks for already "getting it".
‹ HAPPY BIRTHDAY WISHES - PLEASE SEND YOURS! :) Wearing Bright Colors ›
On November 1st, 2012 Xander12 said:
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On October 23rd, 2012 valentine said:
Picked at a few pores tonight. Just trying to stay accountable. Otherwise have been nearly pick free. Just want to check in when I slip, even a tiny bit!
On October 10th, 2012 valentine said:
Feeling crappy about last nights slip but trying to remind myself that a whole month pick free is still a sizeable accomplishment.
On October 10th, 2012 valentine said:
It's been a month since my last post on this thread but I'm happy to say that the month has been pick free. Seriously. Tonight, however, I picked at four pores--3 on my face and 1 on my bikini line. The damage is super light but I feel shaken that I allowed the slip. I'll have to do some thinking about what was going through my mind just before.. I have a lot of extra work stress right now.. And it's been three weeks since I was with my beaux and its another three to go before we're together again.. So I'm feeling less daily love and more stress so I guess this might be a period I'll have to be extra vigilant during.. Anyway, wanted to share what was up. Hope everyone's fighting the good fight tonight.
On September 8th, 2012 valentine said:
8 slips in 39 days. Squeezed a few pores near nose tonight. A particularly appealing patch of enlarged pores that remains the one place on my face that I sometimes pick. Did no damage--touched v. lightly, put Klaron on right afterward--but its a good reminder of how close backsliding can become. In better news, kept hands off the bikini area and it looks to be almost healed. Just two days til I see my bf again so that makes me happy. Think maybe I am anxious though about packing and getting work done etc etc. Did exercise today but not sure it took the whole edge off. Well, there's always tomorrow!
On September 7th, 2012 valentine said:
Argh. Make that 7 slips in 38 days. Like the others, at least this was pretty minimal: maybe four or five hairs (bikini area) but still! I simply forget what a danger zone it is for me, the time between getting in from the end of the work day and getting into bed for the night. And I was on the phone, zoning out, so my brain's anti-picking messages weren't really activated. Well, that's another one to learn from. (Also my nails need clipping so that didn't help. MUST NOT LET NAILS GET LONG! It is just deathly for my habit-breaking crusade! Anyway: hope the rest of you are well tonight.
On September 7th, 2012 Emmi said:
It is still a good achievement.. out of 38 days, and you've had 7 slip ups, I think that is amazing! Keep doing what your doing, Your doing great.
On September 7th, 2012 valentine said:
Thanks for the encouraging words, Emmi. It felt sort of rotten to backslide last night but trying to keep my mind and my hands off the area til I fly out to see the boyfriend again on Sunday. I figured out too that work stress has really been getting to me so am exercising today to see about relieving some of that negative energy in a more constructive way.
On September 9th, 2012 Emmi said:
Apologies for the delayed reply, You are Very welcome. I know how it feels to back slide, my skin has been fully healed for a about 4 months now, I have myself taken a step backwards, my Grandfather who I was extremely close to passed away recently and I am not dealing with that very well at all, I started to exersize to help relieve stress and negative energy, unfortunately I pushed myself to hard and have ended up with shinsplints, which for the past 2 weeks have had me inactive in a sense, I can still walk (thankfully) as far as exersizing tho, I'm out till they heal, as well as a really horrible hair cut :( which has caused me to stress and pick at spots on my face :( I know that I can stop again, and I know that I wont pick them badly, it just shows that the picking can be stopped and it is ok to relapse every now and again, sometimes life gets really hard, and it may be the only thing that you have that can relieve stress. Its not a good thing to do, but right now its all I have. You will get there, Keep up the exersizing but don't push yourself to hard. Trust me, the last thing you want is shin splints. Haha :)
On September 28th, 2012 valentine said:
Emmi, my apologies for the vastly delayed reply. I was abroad, and haven't been on the site for some three (!) weeks. My sincere condolences about your grandfather. I know that loss is hard and takes a toll on us in lots of ways...including the picking. Are the shin splints any better and if not, can you take long leisurely walks after the workday or in lieu of going straight home to pick? I hope you're hanging in there and taking your own (great) advice about not getting down when you do pick because stopping--as we've both seen--is possible and backslides more or less just part of the healing trajectory. Repeated apologies for the long silence but please do reach out and let me know how things are coming along. By me: I'm happy to say I've been pick free. This said, I know that it is still a daily fight so I will be back here more regularly again for sure. Ok, more soon, xValentine.
On October 1st, 2012 Emmi said:
Valentine, Thank you for your reply, I hope your trip was enjoyable, Since I posted my last reply My shin splins have completly healed and Im back into training again, Still dealing with the emotional side of losing my grandfather but I am doing ALOT better, My face is starting to heal and I have recently started a new healthy eating program to help me Lose weight and tone for summer, (I live in Australia, so Summer is coming up in December) and in the past 7 days I have already lost 2 kilos :D With is really great for me :) The picking has been reduced once again and staying off the sugar and processed foods has really helped in more ways then 1. Its helping my skin heal better and getting my energy levels up as well as clearing my foggy head :) Its fantastic and I am taking my own advice which is working better then last time :) Thank you for your response. I hope things are still going great for your self :) xx
On September 7th, 2012 valentine said:
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On September 6th, 2012 valentine said:
Day 36 & 37: No picking. And looking back over the days since this has started I see only about 6 slips in 37 days so I'm feeling happy though there's certainly room for improvement. It's almost like I've been too busy to pick so maybe busy is a good way to be!
On September 7th, 2012 Emmi said:
Amazing achievement :) Very proud, 6 out of 37 is probably as much as any person in the world would pick at their skin. Great work :) Looking forward reading more about it :)
On September 5th, 2012 valentine said:
Day 28 (27th of Aug) to 35 (3rd of Sep). Ok. Back from vacation but I see what happens when I fail to post nightly: I pick! Yep, picked on Day 33 and 34, right after boyfriend left. Frustrated but feel like I caught each session before it got too bad (bikini area, what else?!), and I feel like I've confined the "slip" to those days. Still: it makes me angry. Why is this disorder so insidious?? Anyway, I see my boyfriend on his home turf Sunday for a week so working to heal the spots I created and will do my best to be back here regularly. Hope you're all fighting the good fight tonight!
On August 26th, 2012 valentine said:
Day 22 to 27: no picking. On vacation at the beach. No real privacy but still am proud. Also, was my big 4-0 yesterday so it's nice to be free from an obsessive cycle on a big birthday. Fingers crossed that it lasts past next Saturday when my boyfriend goes back to England! (Though I visit him a week after that so I have lots of incentive to not pick). Hope everyone else is fighting the good fight!
On August 26th, 2012 soembarrassed said:
Day 10 for me girl. I am hanging in there. The urge is really strong but so far i am fighting it. I have been slowly using less makeup. I only have one healed spot that is still a little red but i am trying not to let it get me down. I am using retin a on it at night and glycolic acid during thr day in hope that it will soon fade. I am very happy you are doing so good. Happy belalated birthday!!!
On September 5th, 2012 valentine said:
Day 10 on the 26h, good for you! Using less makeup is a big step for lots of reasons and way healthier for your skin to boot so glad to hear you're making strides. Know that I'm out here thinking of you and wishing you all the power in the world to fight this thing! We can do it together!!
On August 19th, 2012 valentine said:
Day 21, picked--with a safety pin (not safe to have in house. Normally throw any and all out but saw one that slipped past me in the junk drawer)--at several ingrown bikini area hairs. The good news though is that I used such a slight touch that you really can't tell. I know it's a slip but I feel happy that when I was picking, a loud voice in my head was yelling "watch out! This is the danger zone! Get in and out as quickly as possible and NO deep picking! If the tip of the hair won't come up with the tiniest of touches, you MUST leave it alone!". Again, I know it's not as good as abstaining but given that I had a safety pin (threw it out now), knew my subletter was gone for the afternoon, and that I just had a wax, I think I handled things way better than as recently as a month ago! So repeated appreciations to everyone on this site! Your stories and honesty are really helping me to stay head-above-water on this issue! More tomorrow...x
On August 19th, 2012 wantalife39 said:
Oh yes the dreaded pins!!!! Once I even tried to use the back of an earing to hack!! Unbelievable!! good on you for being aware of your triggers. Just think of us when your doing it..we are watching you you know!! :) XXXXXXXXXX
On August 19th, 2012 valentine said:
Forgot to post last night. Day 20, picked one bump on my upper arm but did no real damage so feeling good. I see though that the impulse is still raging , it's just that there's nothing to pick at right now. For anyone still getting pimples, I urge you to go to a dermatologist and get a prescription for Spirnolactone. It's as good as anything I've ever tried and I really don't get even the stray pimple anymore!
On August 18th, 2012 valentine said:
Day 19 no picking. Except I did examine my skin for a long time in the mirror, obsessing about my sun spots and one or two areas that, if you came nose to nose with me, you might detect some very minimal scarring. It's so slight that the average human wouldn't notice but because I see my skin as if looking through a magnifying glass, I both see it and fret over it. Plus I'm going to be at the beach for ten days (!) and so am starting to worry about getting too much sun. My goodness-- even when I don't pick, I am thinking about my skin constantly!
On August 18th, 2012 soembarrassed said:
Way to go..you are doing a great job. Hang in there.!!!!!
On August 16th, 2012 valentine said:
Day 18 no picking. Going strong but feel like it almost doesn't count because I'm obviously super self aware because I have a subletter til the end of next month and so can't be in the bathroom for hours at a time and I also think Im just in one of those low-risk phases that I get into sometimes. Still, building up so many days--and posting about it--feels good and makes me wonder if maybe I'm not "building muscle" that will help me during the next high-risk period. Does that make sense?
On August 15th, 2012 valentine said:
Day 17, no picking. I think the spirnilactone (sp?) I take is really paying off as I don't seem to get pimples anymore. Still, I know that next week, in the days following my wax, I'll have to be extra super vigilant since that's like my favorite time to go after tiny little beginnings of hairs. Seriously, I will go straight to the pharmacy and buy a new, cheap pair of tweezers in such states. Now, though, I'm counting on this forum to help keep me strong. To remind me why the immediate, fleeting thrill I get from purging my pores Just Isn't Worth It for all the damage it causes--which it does cause. I know every time I say I'll just pick at one follicle I always end up going to town on a whole area and make a mess and feel awful, etc. Ok. Hope everyone's fighting the good fight tonight!
On August 14th, 2012 valentine said:
Day 16, No picking. Subletter has returned so I have less privacy again but feel like this week might be an easy one if I know I have a wax appt on Friday. Doesn't mean I don't still fantasize about going at it though! I mean, it's hard to find anything as satisfying as freeing an ingrown hair. Isn't this disorder bizarrre??
On August 14th, 2012 valentine said:
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On August 13th, 2012 valentine said:
Day 14 & 15: no picking! Definitely coming into home stretch with my waxing set for Friday and seeing my boyfriend--two weeks at the beach--Sunday. Feel like I can stay strong through this week as long as I remember to log in here after finishing all washing up for the night.. Meaning no extra trips "just to look" after applying all my night cream (Klaron to prevent pimples and a hydroquinine to fade sun spots). Fingers crossed!
On August 13th, 2012 soembarrassed said:
Good luck. I am having 5/10 today. Not bad but not where I want to be. Keep up the good work!!!
On August 14th, 2012 valentine said:
Thanks for the note! It helps to be reminded that someone else is reading my story--just the way I'm reading yours and so many others'. We can do this!
On August 10th, 2012 valentine said:
Day 13.5, picked after last post. Clearly I had spoken too soon. Still, 2/13 is a good score for me so far and I believe I can take this momentum all the way to next Friday, the day I want to have a waxing on skin that is 100% pickmark/scab free! (Only broke skin one place tonight so that's really just one spot that has to heal in time and I think it's still enough days for that to happen.)
On August 10th, 2012 valentine said:
Day 13 no picking! And subletter is gone for weekend so I could have picked tonight if I needed privacy... Maybe this is getting slightly easier? I definitely think that everyone's posts are keeping me going as logging onto this site is the first thing I do when getting ready for bed these days! I'd love to know if anyone else is having luck and if so, how theyre interrupting the picking ritual.
On August 10th, 2012 valentine said:
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On August 10th, 2012 valentine said:
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On August 10th, 2012 valentine said:
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On August 9th, 2012 valentine said:
Day 12, no picking. I just don't feel I'm being tested as usual with my subletter here but she'll be gone this weekend so we'll soon see how I do on my own. Fingers crossed that I don't relapse!
On August 8th, 2012 valentine said:
Whoops, that last post should have said Day 11, no picking. So far only picked one day out of 11 and even then, just a few hairs! Yippee! I think it's getting a little easier!
On August 8th, 2012 valentine said:
Day nine, no picking. Feel like its way easier to get out of bathroom now that I have a subletter...but hey, I'll take all the help I can get. I guess whatever degree I was bummed out about having to have a roomate again for a little while, the less-picking side effect helps to ameliorate those feelings a bit, so that's good. Still, I know that when I know she's gone for a few hours will still be a danger zone to watch out for. Like, sometimes I pick more when my private time is limited down. So we 'll see. But for now, I'm just happy for another pick free day!
On August 6th, 2012 valentine said:
Day nine, no picking. Just two weeks til my boyfriend and I are together again--and two weeks before we're at the beach for two weeks--so I need to keep my awareness up. My goal is to get a Brazillian on the Friday before so that means 12 days and counting. Who wants to count days with me?
On August 5th, 2012 valentine said:
More insomnia. But day seven had some picking. Messed with a couple not-yet-above-the- surface hairs on my bikini line. Maybe three before I stopped myself. Upset at the stumble but pleased that it didn't go further. And get why it happened.. Was experiencing stress at having a subletter in my apt for a few weeks and worked from home on Friday. Working from home is Always a high-risk proposition for me, picking-wise. Anyway, day eight, Saturday, no picking. And here's to keeping up that trend!
On August 3rd, 2012 valentine said:
Up with insomnia so I can post what I forgot to post last night: Day six, no picking. I want to get microretinA to use very sparingly on the part of my bikini line that's healing so I won't get ingrowns under the thicker skin but overall Im super pleased with the results of keeping hands off my precious skin! I think the fact that I'm reading a new novel that I really like is helping to keep me occupied in the evenings as well .
On August 1st, 2012 valentine said:
Day five no picking... Feels good to say that. Still, I look at my face and all I can see are the imperfections in tone.. Or that my eyes look too small or that, etc etc. I know that people tell me I'm a very attractive woman but the word "hideous" is usually what comes to mind and I think that this lingering self hatred--plus the desire to "fix" any perceived flaw that can be picked or prodded--will keep me in a lifelong cycle of picking if I don't really address its cause.
On July 31st, 2012 valentine said:
Day four no picking. Excited to amass some days but remember the AA saying about not letting one's guard down because their disease is just/always out in the hall, doing push ups.
On July 30th, 2012 valentine said:
Day three no picking. I know it will get a lot harder when the bikini area that I lay into starts to regrow hairs (because the little one just below the skin line are always the ones I want to go after with a tweezer) but for tonight trying to be grateful for the reprieve from the urge.
On July 28th, 2012 valentine said:
Day two, no picking... And I've been reading through tons of old threads on here. Thats definitely helping. And the last places I picked on my bikini line are drying up and healing nicely. It feels good to see that overall, my picking is way down for summertime, usually my hardest season, picking-wise, because we show more skin which in turn makes me examine my skin more closely, etc. Anyway, I'd love hear how everyone else is doing. Sometimes I also find weekends challenging because I have more free time to manage... Ok. More soon...
On July 27th, 2012 valentine said:
Day one. Again. Fingers crossed.
On July 26th, 2012 valentine said:
Well, it's a handful of months later and I'm happy to say that *overall*, my picking has lessened a good deal since joining the forum. (It's really just one corner of the bikini line area that I pick at now, and only when I'm between Brazillian waxes). Still, it's these times--when my boyfriend and I are apart for weeks at a time--that are the biggest challenge because I have all this extra alone time. Still, I'm hoping to make our next reunion date (18th of August) a day that finds me pick-free for several weeks. So here goes. Again. Day one. And from now on I'm going to not let myself on this forum until I've *already* washed up for the night which is the danger timezone for me. Maybe this way I'll be able to reward myself with a post, i.e.: I'll be motivated not to pick. Fingers crossed.
On March 28th, 2012 valentine said:
So today marks 6 weeks to the day since I started my commitment to stopping picking and I definitely see *some* improvement. Since my last post: picked at maybe 7 not-yet-above-the-skin-line hairs along bikini area but no longer super satisfying since a full Brazillian eliminates any real bikini "line". Same for squeezing blackheads along nose (where, thankfully, no marks are ever left b/c I manage to do it really gently/keep nails cut almost to the quick). Still, there's room for improvement, i.e.: ZERO picking, so tonight I'm turning in early after applying Klaron (my miracle gel) to the face & panty line and watching an episode of something fun.
On March 22nd, 2012 valentine said:
Hi All. Just checking in to report on my progress. I believe I last wrote in just before my boyfriend arrived for 2.5 weeks and I have some good news to report. Firstly, being around him makes me pick less because I have less alone time but also, just before his visit, I tried a full Brazillian wax, as in 100% hair gone (before I'd left at least a little, like a strip or a small triangle). Basically, I think having all hair off, i.e.: no "edges" or "borders" btwn the hair and no-hair areas has helped me reduce picking by a huge degree. I tried the "all-off" for my boyfriend (who is totally pro-woman, asked in a super-aware way, just to see if it was something I might feel comfortable with) but he also suspected it might help the picking. And, well, so far so good. It's growing back in a much softer way and *without* ingrowns! I don't think I can afford to have this done nonstop (my place offers the service at about $40, less than other places but still an expense), but I think I can try and have it done maybe every other month for a while to see. The cost also being worth it if I can drastically reduce picking a)overall and b)as well roll toward summer, my hardest season in this regard. So fingers crossed but repeated thanks to you all. I read the new forum posts continually and it always helps to remind me I'm not alone. (Also, it's worth noting that I'm in Week Five of my Renewed Commitment [started on Valentine's Day] and though I feel not 100% since I haven't been exercising, I do really feel better for the reduced self-abuse!)
On March 23rd, 2012 toomuchpressure said:
So happy for you! Keep it up! :) Im on your side :) :)
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For information on the skin picking disorder (Dermatillomania), symptoms, causes and treatment methods, get the Complete Guide to Skin Picking Disorders.