So glad I'm not alone
Posted April 26th, 2012 by laribob
After almost a year of picking at my arms uncontrollably and not being able to stop and not knowing why I was doing it I have had enough! I started looking online and discovered I have KP. I have always had bumpy blotchy redness on the backs of my arms and was told when I was young it was from an imbalance in my diet. I am so glad to have discovered what it really is but that only answered the question of why I had the bumps. The other question was why I couldn't stop picking. I have always picked at things. When I was a kid my mom would make me wear jeans all the time(even through the 100+ degree Texas summers) because I picked scabs and everything else like crazy. I had the same issue in high school when I was under stress. I picked at things on my thighs and hidden places so no one would ask me about it. Now I'm 23 and have a 1 year old son and can't stop picking. I know that I pick more when I'm stressed and home by myself with the kid. There have been days that I spend his whole nap or hours upon hours at night picking and the whole time I'm sitting there telling myself I need to stop, I'm wasting my life, and all the other things that seem to go through the heads of everyone with this horrible issue. I do the bargaining of just 1 more and I'll stop and we all know that never works because that 1 wasn't a good enough 1. I don't have to tell those of you who have given birth that your body image is shaken enough from the deformations of pregnancy. But to add this on top of it makes me feel like my body is completely disgusting. I feel embarrassed for my husband to see me without everything covered up. All this only adds more anxiety and causes more picking. It's a vicious cycle. We pick because we're stressed or anxious which only makes us more stressed or anxious because now our arms or other areas are covered with embarrassing scabs. I'm so ready to break this cycle and am glad to know I'm not the only one out there battling this issue. I don't know about the rest of you but I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone I know about it because they don't understand. I think that just knowing that you aren't the only one and seeing that there are other people who feel the same way you do is empowering and encouraging. I no longer feel so defeated and alone because now I have all of you :-) Let's kick the habit dammit!