WHY WHY WHY??!!!!!

So....I wrote back, to a few of the responses that I got, from when I originally posted.... I said that I thought that the marks had really gotten alot better, and that I hoped they'd be gone by Thursday. Well, I was wrong.... I picked TWO MORE bruised, dark purplish marks below the left side of my lip, and they look aweful. I did that while putting calamine on all the other marks. A few of the marks REALLY DID go down alot in size, and have healed quite quickly, but, the two really major, big one's on either lower side of my face, kind of in my chin area, I see now, that they are going to scar BIG TIME. There is one on either side of nose area/cheek area, and the scabs have fallen off of those, and im left with a pink, round, fleshy looking scar. I wonder if the calamine, will still help aid those to reduce in size, eventually have somewhat NORMAL looking skin, over them. Just a minute ago, I did a trial run, with make-up, to see how I was gonna look Thursday, since I have such a big day, that day---- two very BIG, important appointments, and then work from 9:30 pm to 3:00 am. Work is gonna suck. I make my money there, based on my appearance. Well, a big part is my appearance anyways- and I look like shit. Thank god it IS dark in there, but, you can still tell, even in a black light, that there are raised, irregular scabs on my face. This is just horrible. I never ever ever ever ever have done something like this, to my face, that is THIS BAD.....dont get me wrong, ive dont my fair share of picking, but not like this. This will leave me with SEVERAL scars. Soembarrased told me that out of 5 that they had picked, only one scarred, while using calamine lotion- but I seriously think that what I'VE done, to my face, is in a league of it's own, b/c they are HUGE.... IM TALKING HUUUUUUGE. Size of nickels and dimes..... Doesnt make sense, and I dont know why in the hell I put TWO more marks, two nights ago, while doctoring the rest. This is so messed up- ive been cut off from the world for going on two weeks now, and frankly, they really dont look that great. Not sure what I was thinking last night, maybe I was just trying to be optimistic, but TODAY, after having put make-up on, I just look like crap. Not to mention, ive kept calamine on my face religiously, and hadn't taken it off-- even when I wash my face, it doesnt come all the way off, b/c it kind of collects onto the scabs---well, when its taken off, COMPLETELY, I look like someone who has been on crystal meth, and has destroyed their face. Its nothing but PINK, fleshy marks, and scars. Im so disgusted. Thursday is going to be hell, along with the rest of the month. This shit isn't going away, nor is it NOT going to scar--- I DID THIS TO MYSELF, and I most definately am going to be left with reminders....LOTS OF THEM. I feel like dying. I REALLY DO. I was just starting to feel good about myself again, after the last episode of picking, and right as that happened, my face started breaking out- which I dont know that it ever really stopped; my picking at it, had just subsided- and right as the last scabs (that were so mynute compared to these) started to completely fade, along with the light scarring that was left--- I DO THIS TO MY FACE. Completely DESTROY it. I WAS RIGHT.....I REALLY WILL NEVER LOOK THE SAME, AGAIN. I know all the girls are going to be staring at my nasty face Thursday night, thinking "what the hell happened to her??!!" GOD HELP ME.... I feel like not ever coming out of the house again. Praying that a miracle happens in just these next two days, but reality tells me, that this is something im going to have to permanently deal with.... its not going away. Im sooooooooooo disgusted and sooooooo depressed. IM OUT!