Posted October 8th, 2012 by sandynutter
Hi all. I just discovered this site today, and decided to join. I don't know anyone else that picks skin in my area, and have never had anyone to talk to, who understands. I started picking at my fingers, around my nails, when I was a small child. My father was/is a very verbally abusive man, and when he would get angry, scream, and throw dishes, I retreated to my room, and would start picking. I don't remember the age, and I certainly didn't know what or why I was doing it. Only now, at 34 and after a year of personal and marriage counseling, did I realize the reasons--causing physical pain during times of emotional pain, having control over something, etc. I would pick until I bleed, which I still do. Sometimes I use my fingernails if they are long enough, or sewing needles to peel the skin away. My fingers look horrible, and I'm a nursing student, so I have to be careful to always be gloved in the hospital. Most people don't notice, only a few in my whole life have ever commented on it. I play it off as a habit, but really it's just a way to cope. It's embarrassing, but I can't stop, even after diving into the reasons in therapy. I am thankful to find a community that understands. I do want to heal, I just don't know how to stop. My prayers are with others like me, not only picking fingers, but other things as well. One day I hope to learn to cope appropriately so I can stop, and maybe help someone else who cuts, or self harms/mutilates. God Bless.