Posted October 18th, 2012 by lamb
I've been picking for about five years. When I first started picking, I remember sitting in my fifth grade class during a standardized test, subconsiously scratching at a pimple on my forhead. I accidentally got blood on the paper, and realized what I was doing. The worst part is school. I scratch when I am stressed, reading, concentrating, and pretty much whenever my hands are free. Many times I end up getting blood on tests from my fingers, and I feel really stupid. I hate having attention near my face like having pictures taken of me. When I was in seventh grade my older sister was admitted to the hospital for depression and self harm. The arguements bewteen my parents and my sister were at their worst, and I couldn't stand seeing my family being ripped apart. I got horrible migraines from the stress. My sister is better now, but I still worry a lot about her because sometimes she still cuts, but in places we can't see. I hope she knows how much I love her and want her to be happy, but I can't manage to tell her. I am so jealous of people who have smooth foreheads. Even when I pick less and my forehead heals, I still have scars and it looks ugly. Recently I've been picking my cheeks, nose, and chin also, but my face has been healing. I really want to stop. There are times I heal and I look okay, but all of a sudden I get tons of pimples and I need to pick them all, because for some reason I feel like that will make them go away even though they won't. And it makes me feel worse because I ruined all my effort at trying not to pick. I think I pick a lot less than I did before, and there have been times where I got my hopes up thinking that I was finally done. But I was just disappointed again. I don't think I will ever completely stop picking, I just wish the scars and scabs weren't visible.