relapsing over and over again
Posted April 18th, 2009 by cherrycolalola
I am so drained from it. I just feel so sad and bewildered by this addiction. I know its there and I trying to deal with it, but sometimes i look in the mirror and can't believe this is happening. I avoid thinking about the consequences of my behavior so much that when i do stop and have a good look at the damage ive done it seems surreal. Is this denile? I absolutely want to stop the cycle...im aware of how irrational my thoughts are when picking..so why do they keep winning? Its like some crazy person takes over my mind as soon as i get infront of a mirror...or more like Im out of body and its some other persons hands going after my face, and i have no control over them. The urge is so strong. Its so devastating to think about how much joy and freedom ive missed out on. what do you do when you feel hopeless? Im starting to fear that there really wont be a way out of this and i will just slowly destroy myself.