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scared!


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February 05, 2017

I'm going to treat this like a journal of sorts. I haven't told anyone about my skin picking. I'm sure my boyfriend knows i do it but he doesn't say anything. My kids know I'm sure. I'll spend hours in the only bathroom in our house digging. I'll leave long enough for them to use the bathroom then back at it. This last round i think i went to far. May have to go to urgent care in the morning for antibiotic. I know this is due to stress and anxiety but I can't seem to stop. I've worn a hat for the last year and kept bangs so i can try to hide my obsession. I need to stop beating myself up!
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February 06, 2017

Tried to go to the urgent care at my PCP this morning. It was a two hour wait so I left. I tried to use an online dr thru my insurance company but that app failed and now I've been charged with a visit I didnt get. I've been putting antibiotic ointment and ice on my wound. The swelling has gone down but a scab has started to form albeit there is still a deep wound there. Have to go to work in the morning and I am hoping the hole will somehow close up overnight with the inflammation going down. I left it open with no bandaid and it looks horrible. It was cold and windy today so a stocking hat worked. Warmer weather next week so not sure what I'm going to do. Threw away my tweezers and needle. Can't peel off the scab or dry skin i really want to. Have been putting antibiotic ointment on it everytime i want to touch it. So embarrassed witj this horrible wound on my face! Have another cyst on my chin that i am not touching! Will see how long it takes to clear up
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February 06, 2017

At work this morning. Look like complete crap. Feeling sick to my stomach looking at myself. Some of the scab started to peel. Think it was just dead skin around the wound. Hoping this huge ugly uneven scab will dry up and flake off soon! Just want to look normal again
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February 07, 2017

Got home and most of the red and yellow scab came off around the wound. I'm hoping it was the infected skin around it peeling off. The deep hole itself was a little gooey underneath but seems to be scabbing back up. Did squeeze the one on my chin a few times. No digging tho. Some stringy pus came out and some skin flaked off. Now it's just swollen and red. Icing it down now. Calamine lotion on it later. The skin around my other wound is pink with a little red. It's sort of raw looking. Afraid to put anything but antibiotic ointment on it. Will see how it all looks later. Want to look acceptable this weekend
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February 07, 2017

So still have raw skin around my wound but it is pink colored now. The wound itself has a scab in it so that's good but the raw skin didn't scab up overnight like i had hoped it would. Want that ugly scab back over it. Stings more this morning but it isn't oozing. Just washed it with antibacterial soap put some alcohol on it then antibiotic ointment. Going to be a long day! Did put concealer and powder on it. Shouldn't have but can't deal with the way it looks. Trying to not beat myself up over this. I've got no one to blame but myself
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February 07, 2017

Got home from work and it looks way better! Still doesn't look great but it's healing. Pretty sure any infection that was there is gone but will continue with the ointment. Just washed with antibacterial soap and put alcohol on it. No stinging! Wanted to peel off some skin but decided to leave it. It'll fall off when it is ready. This is the last time I'm doing this to myself. I swear!
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February 08, 2017

Squeezed the cyst on my chin last night. Should not have. Didn't dig at it tho. Got lots of stringy pus. Now it's just red and stingy. The top layer of skin peeled off. Grrr! Just gonna leave it alone and let it scab over and heal. My other spot looks better. More skin peeled off around it this morning. Still have a huge indented scab in the middle. Hoping once the hole fills in the scab will come out of my skin. Fingers crossed
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February 09, 2017

Got home today and original wound looking much better. Still looks pink and indented around the edges but the scab in the middle is staying put for now. Some of the dry skin came off and it bled a little. Hoping not too much damage. The cyst on my chin looked hideous. Some more pus came out of it but i didn't peel all the skin off of it. It's still oozing some so trying to keep my hair covering it at practice. Hoping it's a short one! Not sure I'll look completely normal by Friday or saturday morning but really hoping so!
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February 09, 2017

More skin peeled off around the cyst. The whole area is still swollen. Just cleaned it with antibacterial soap this morning, put alcohol on it and then mixed antibiotic ointment and antifungal cream on it. Just want to wake up, put lotion on my face, then leave the house! Tired of having to cover up the mess on my face. The original wound still has an indented scab on it. Part of it tried to peel off last night so it bled a little. Grr. It'll get better right?
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February 09, 2017

When you pick, what exactly would you be digging out? The indented part will fill in. s
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February 10, 2017

I think it's hardened pus. It's almost like a white plug? With a really long hair in it. At least that's what i think it is. Maybe a hair follicle? The scab on my first wound is almost gone. I can feel it above my skin now. The cyst on my chin isn't oozing anymore. It's just an ugly scabby mess. Just icing it down. Pretty sure it wasn't a cyst but some type of infection. Putting antibiotic ointment on it and it looks a little better
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February 10, 2017

Hi...it's probably a sebum plug. I would be picking as well, making a huge mess, but I don't have cystic zits. My face is producing sebum and whatever else plugs that tend to spread within as it's healing....except while they're in there, it doesnt heal properly. I was recently reading information on NAC ( N-Acetylcysteine) as a supplement of 600mg daily for acne and cyctic acne with success in the studies. Have you tried any other medications such as Finacea?
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February 10, 2017

No. I haven't been to a dermatologist. My insurance is horrible! The first cyst or whatever is was is almost completely healed up. Just a little pink and flaky. Not sure what the one on my chin was but antibiotic ointment is helping and keeping it clean. Still looks red and dry but it'll have to be. I don't think they'll put me on any meds. I don't really have acne or get cysts very much. They just started over the last year. I keep making them worse by digging at them. If i could leave my face alone for long enough they go away on their own. When i dig into everthing that's when i cause the infection to spread no matter how careful i am. I've been getting recurrent staph infections. I've got antibacterial wash and ointment to use and it helps. I don't want to be on anymore antibiotics. They mess with my belly too much. Hoping this is the last of it. I'm determined to stop picking at everything. The pimples i leave alone go away within a couple of days. If i get another cyst I'll probably go to the dr. I had one on the bridge of my nose that i left alone and it's almost gone with only a little flakiness. I know my body can heal it all i just have to let it. Have you tried anything?
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February 10, 2017

Where is your recurrent staph infection?
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February 10, 2017

On my face...most likely from picking
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February 11, 2017

Are you using Bactroban topical for those areas?
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February 11, 2017

Yes. I've got a tube for it. The area on my chin is getting smaller and better. Still doesn't look great but better. I can usually tell if it's turning into a staph infection. Then I'll use the bactroban along with keeping it clean
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February 11, 2017

Happy to hear things are improving! Good you have the Bactroban....is it cream or ointment?
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February 11, 2017

It's the ointment. Fingers crossed i can kick this habit and not have to use it ever again. Really want to get my hair cut next weekend so aiming for no picking or squeezing anything!
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February 12, 2017

Hope you're happy with the 'do! Curious what antibiotic wash you use?
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February 12, 2017

I just use regular antibacterial hand soap or hibeclens.
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February 12, 2017

Thanks.....hope things heal well for you now.
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February 12, 2017

The cyst or whatever is on my chin drained more pus today...yuck! Did a couple of rounds of heat on it to encourage draining. Only a little squeezing. Have to run some errands so icing it down after putting ointment on it. Can still see one little area of puss but not going digging at it. Really want to but i know it will drain out when ready
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February 12, 2017

Good plan! Are you mot using the mupirocin onni9t at this point?
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February 12, 2017

I'm using the bactroban on it. So angry at myself tho. Left it alone most of the day and finally gave into temptation. Lanced the area and dug out a few white plugs. Did find a really long hair in the area So really hoping that was the source of all this. Still looks way worse than before. Icing it now
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February 13, 2017

Grrr! So angry at myself. Why do i keep doing this to myself? My whole chin burns! I'm sure I've irritated all the skin in the area with alcohol. Trying to freak out and go into panic mode. Just put antibiotic ointment on it. Trying not to look at it every 5 minutes. Hoping i didnt just create even more of an infection on my face
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February 13, 2017

Yeah, alcohol can definitely burn an already highly irritated area. Hope the hair out now will allow it to start to heal. Try not to overly scrub/clean the area. Using a cotton pad with some apple cider vinegar quite diluted in warm water might help prevent furher burning of your skin.
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February 13, 2017

I did a couple of rounds of warm moist heat to make sure it was done draining. No more fluid draining out so some of the redness and swelling is going away. Icing it down to help with rest of the swelling. The hole i dug isn't as deep now. Hoping it will close up now that eveything is out. Just so mad that i can't leave it alone!
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February 13, 2017

The reason I can't leave it alone is because it's not approached the "healing" phase that I accept. Does that fit in with what you do?
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February 13, 2017

Yes. I can feel that something is still there so i want it out. Usually just end up creating a bigger mess tho
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February 13, 2017

My chin isn't as swollen this morning. Still a little sore and red but most of it scabbed over. One little area is still moist but hoping that dries out quickly.
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February 13, 2017

Probably as the outer areas reduce inflammation and heal inward, the plug will be more isolated and easier to extract if you need. Hang tough! Have you tried using a different face wash? Have you tried just aloe vera?
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February 13, 2017

Don't have any aloe vera. Just trying not to irritate it. Going to lay off the alcohol on it for a while. Just going to use the antibiotic ointment
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February 13, 2017

Cleaned up my chin when i got home. No big hole like yesterday but the scab in the middle of the area came off. Was white and a little gooey. It bled for a few minutes and already started to scab back over. That was the area where the original pus lump was. Hoping that was the end of the infection. Just icing it down now. Almost grabbed for the tweezers to pull out little white speck and dead skin but stopped. Just gotta let this thing from hell heal
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February 14, 2017

Went ahead and went to urgent care for antibiotics. Pretty sure made the area around it irritated as hell from putting alcohol on it that's why it looks so bad. Just took my first dose. Will continue with the bactroban too. Should be way better in a couple of days...
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February 14, 2017

Sounds like you make a good decision...hope the antibiotics help it healing noticably in a few days. What ones did you get?
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February 14, 2017

Cephalexin
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February 14, 2017

Have so much flaky skin! And red skin too. Have a nice burn around the healing thingy on my chin. Icing helps to ease the burning. Just need the burned area to heal quickly. Causing more pain than anything else. Did just put some calamine on the area to calm it down a bit.
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February 15, 2017

Careful with ice since it can burn/damage skin as well. Maybe cold cloths? Have you tried a .05% hydrocortisone cream? That should help to heal the area. q
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February 15, 2017

Not keeping the ice on there too long. Just long enough to cool the area down. Have some hydrocortisone cream but only used it once. It burned so i washed it off
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February 15, 2017

How is it today?
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February 15, 2017

It looks like crap! Trying to stay positive. Doesn't hurt as much anymore. Just feels so dry and cracky. Trying not to open my mouth very much. Dr said it was impetigo. Hoping the meds kick in really well today. This is day two so they should. Probably wouldn't be as bad if i didn't burn the area with alcohol! Sigh. Want to go home and hide
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February 15, 2017

Oh...impetigo (highly contagious) started it or ended up as? Did he take a swab? don't ice it anymore as it could cause more problems to fragile and healing skin. Maybe the hibitane is preventing it from healing and might be too strong for the skin? Can yiu try a very diluted version when washing? And do you scrub with a cloth or brush or just fingertips.
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February 15, 2017

I've stopped using the hibeclens. It can be very drying. I just either splash water on it or use a qtip trying to not scrub even tho i want to. Not sure if it started out as impetigo or not. No swab done. Just gave meds and no clear instructions on what to do
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February 16, 2017

How are you? I've been complaining about myself without asking how you are. Sorry. More frustrated with myself than anything else. Just want to feel "normal". Haven't felt that way in about a year. I used to just wash my face if i even did that, put lotion on and sometimes powder. Now I'm obsessed with looking at myself in the mirror!
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February 16, 2017

Hi..it's your discussion thread and the point is to talk about yourself. The frustration with ourselves is a big thing, but learning what to do to maintain and not overdo is helpful.
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February 16, 2017

I like the idea of the diary thread. My face has no infection, but I sure am wanting to know the reason why there are plugs that form in and around the areas that Ive picked. I do have seborrhea hylerpladia and and some plugged pores around my nose....but anything that I end up picking has a whole lot more underneath. It's been going on for about 5 years....worse since 2013. I have a 20x mirror and very pointy tweezers. Sigh. I agree with you, I'm sick of lookng in the mirror. Im 62, and while Ive had acne throughout periods of time in my life....this I never expected. I've made roadmaps of scars on my face, and while they dont bother me because I can cover them up OK.....i still don't have a reason why my skin does it except a protection and immune response from the picking. A cycle from hell. This site has helped with some suggestions from others who have done the same.
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February 16, 2017

My chin is slowly looking better. Wish a miracle would happen and it would disappear overnight. Parts of the area are still cracking open. It sucks! Wish it would just have one nice big scab over the area. Instead i seem to have different stages of healing in different areas.
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February 17, 2017

More progress i think. Washed my chin off and got most of the crusty stuff off. Can see one huge white plug looking back at me. So wanted to grab for my tweezers and dig it out but I've left it alone so far. It's already drying out. Hoping it will flake off soon. Think I've come to the conclusion that the white plugs will work their way out on their own without my help. It's taken this long to realize this. Fingers crossed i can resist the urge to dig it out! I'm on an antibiotic so that will help it too. Gotta keep telling myself that
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February 17, 2017

The weekend is coming....hopefully, it'll be much farther in its healing phase. I know I'd not resist the urge to puck the plug....ugh.

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