Life story of arm & hair biting & picking for 13 years

Posted June 30th, 2009 by surrendertheurge
Its so confusing how I can feel like such a stable person at age 20 and yet continue to BITE and pick my left arm towards my wrist. Please know this this is about to get extremely personal. Third grade was the year when I think this all started; I was going through a lot of trama with my father, who couldn't raise my brother and I because he was never tought by his father. He never physically abused me, but he left a scar on me mentally which then shifted to taking out my anxiety and depression on biting my wirst and arm. Third grade was also the year that I had this strange trembling in my left arm which went away after a few hours, but I felt this overwhelming desire to persist in making my arm tremble, basically faking it for attention or probably the emotional struggle that I was going through with my father. I went to the doctor and got an MRI and nothing was wrong, of course. From what I think now, its pretty clear how I started biting my arm and picking at the bald spots afterwards. I've been to a couple psychologists who tried cognitive behavioral therapy and hypnosis for many years, but it never seemed to help, because I can't help myself. I was also on a few different SSRI's for close to five years, which didn't help either. These days, I ususally pick when I'm alone and am bored, lonely, depressed, or mainly feeling extremely impulsive. Its this ridiculous and insane process I have to go through everyday, sometimes up to five times a day. I honestly feel sometimes that I'm a total nutcase and wonder if ill ever be able to control my obsessive impulse to effing BITE my arm! What kind of skin picker does that?! I even feel so different from 'normal' skin pickers, because they only use their hands...but biting? :( God, how I've wanted to break free of this uncontrollable desire for so many embaressing and self conscious years. I wish some brillant psychologist/scientist could come along and breech my deepest subconscious brain impluses and flush the tangled mess away with therapy. Maybe some monk or natural doctor could rid me of this despressing and confusing self destruction. Oh, and I also pull out the hair right under my chin and then rub and scratch the bald spot til it leaves a scar. The painful and yet pleasing satisfaction feels like a tiny orgasm everytime I bite out a hair from my arm and then bite and scratch the bald spot leaving a red scar and pull the hair off under my chin. I feel totally insane. Please, someone out there give me guidance and light to break free of the chains that bind my brain!!! -Logan
‹ I think I need help I had no idea this affected so many!! ›
On July 14th, 2009 katiekat920 said:
Hi Logan, I am Katie and I am new here, I am 16 and have been picking for almost 7 years now. While I don't bite, I have the same spot as you that I like to pick at that is on my right arm near the wrist. Not only do I pick at it, but I have made it bald by pulling all the "bad" hairs out there. It makes me feel bad when I feel so satisfied and accomplished after picking out a particularly bad hair there. Sometimes I am so obsessive about pulling the hair out that I pick the skin if it it obstructing the hair from coming out, making sores. The spot at the moment is basically scaly looking and has completely scarred over for the most part, and it's paler than any other part of my arm (and I'm pretty pale) The other things I do is chew on my cuticles and chew on my lips, both until they are sometimes bleeding. I also pick at any bump or blemish, scab, etc. Luckily I have gotten rid of most of my acne, but now I just pick at completely normal bumps on my skin that I perceive as blemishes or acne that is soon to come. I am sure you aren't alone in your biting, so keep your head up! Not many of us know what started this whole process either (like me)
On July 4th, 2009 jackiegirlie25 said:
hi all, my name is jackie and iam 27, and i have been suffering horribly on and off since i was 17 from dermatellomania/ skin excoriee, i used to be anorexic when i was younger and was diagnosed with bdd, which iam wondering if it all connects which it probaably does, i honestly don't know why i do this, it makes me feel horrible about myself, its a terrible cycle that i have tried breaking many times over, i have tried therapy, pyschotherapy, behavior modification braclet and elastic bands to stop my urges but nothing seems to help me, i also have horrible anxiety, so i notice i pick in high times of stress or whenever i get bored or even when iam happy and completely relaxed. i too wish i could just shut off the brain that makes me do this awful self injurious behavior, i try talking to my parents about it and getting more help, but my mom just wants to sweep it under the carpet, everyone tells me to just stop picking !! , but that never helps. if u dont suffer from this grippling disorder nobody really can understand unless u go through it too ! i so badly pray and everday and want to break free from all the chains that bind me and make me do this to myself and my body, i have scars all over my back and 2 on my scalp. i cant even get my hair done right now because i just picked a mole off my head that was bothering me, i know it sounds awful and disgusting, but something in my brain just tells me to pick/ rip it off, i have sometimes even used lil tools to self injure like lil sewing needles and pins, i feel so wrong and ashamed for doing this. everyone tells me iam gorgeous. but i dont think so and i certinaly dont feel it when i do this to myself. iwish i could make myself stop and have an answer to why i do all this ? please help me iam new to this site and welcome any suggestions of help or even some answers or anything really, i will try anything iam at the end of my rope right now. godbless and thankyou for this wonderful site ! - jackie o'
On July 6th, 2009 misslinz10 said:
I am 24, and I have been picking since highschool. I feel your pain. My family brushes it off as well. There are little things I do to MINIMIZE the amount I pick, but I have never been able to completely stop. Lately I have been trying the acrylic nails, and they have started to help. I find it harder to pick, and much more painful. Whenever I pick I usually stop by washing my face and applying a mask. The mask will help me stop for at least 30 minutes. Get up and do something once you start... I know its hard, but it helps a little. I will also put spot treatment or lotion on top of the sore so that I can't see it for a while, that helps some too. I find that if I focus my energies on reducing the redness and damage I stop picking for a while. Also, during the day, if I wear makeup it sort of acts as a "mental block." If I pick while I have make up on, I will not only ruin the make up, but take off the cover up on the blemishes I picked the night before, and everyone will see my secret. I also cover the sores with band-aids and antibiotic to stop myself, in fact I use them so much I have developed an allergy to the adhesive on the bandages. The antibiotic helps it heal fast too. STAY STRONG...!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!! I have gotten a little better, the biggest thing is pulling yourself away from the mirror long enough to forget about it. But even that is hard because I usually just run my hands over the spots til I get up again and pick. Go for a walk. I know you can do this, we both can!
On July 2nd, 2009 serenitynow said:
Hi Logan, and welcome. Thank you for sharing your story. You may have different symptoms, but you are not alone or more abnormal. : ) My therapist suggested a book on OCD with a 4-step method I am still trying to abide by. It's called Brain Lock. The author has evidence that doing the 4 steps can actually alter your brain chemistry. Our brains are stuck in a rut and we CAN create new patterns! Hang in there. Let us know how you're doing and take care.
For information on the skin picking disorder (Dermatillomania), symptoms, causes and treatment methods, get the Complete Guide to Skin Picking Disorders.