"Obsessed" Made Me Realize.
Posted July 15th, 2009 by Riki
I don't know how many of you saw the A&E show "Obsessed" episode with the face picker, but I just watched it this evening. I had seen previews, but I wasn't going to watch it because even the preview made me uncomfortable, as I recognized it as something I do myself. But I sat down and made myself watch it online...and I realized that I have this thing. I can't remember times when I didn't pick...I'm still a teenager now but I've done it since I was very young. I thought I was just a bad kid. I've left scars all up and down my legs and on my face...my parents threatened me with punishments if I didn't stop so I just started wearing long pants all the time and buying concealer for my face. If I couldn't manage one or the other, my face scars were "acne" and my leg scars were "really bad mosquito bites". I didn't realize there were other people out there who did the same thing until tonight. But lately I've been tired. Tired of the tons and tons of makeup. Tired of the jeans in summer. I've started wearing shorts out even though I still have very visible marks, and going makeupless on certain days of the week. It's hard, I hate the way my face looks when I catch myself in a mirror, and I can't bring myself to look down sometimes when I'm wearing shorts or skirts. I've only fessed up to one person about this whole thing, and I don't know if I can tell my mother that I don't have "an acne problem" but that I need to take care of the scars instead. The fact that this thing has a name and that you all are out there is a lot to process, but reading through the posts, it was so familiar, I saw all the things I constantly think about. Good things have been happening in my life lately which has helped me curb the problem a bit, and I'm just focusing on dealing with it all and hoping that when the "high" of good things slows down, I won't go back to my usual picking sessions. Well, that's my two cents. Whew.