I dont want to look ugly anymore..

Posted February 7th, 2008 by chels
My name is Chelsea, and I just recently discovered that I have CSP.. I pick my forehead mostly but my chin too, and sometimes even my back. I realized that I had some sort of problem when my dad asked me if I was doing it for attention or because I was nervous, and I just couldn't explain why. Saying "It feels good" makes me sound crazy! Anyway, I looked to google for some answers as to why I was destroying my face, and found that it is actually a form of OCD, and that I'm not alone! It feels comforting to know that there are other people like me that have this problem...But the thing is, even now that i know that i have this, i STILL cant stop! And I hate what I am doing to my skin, everyone tells me to stop but i just CAN'T. I don't want scars on my face when I am older =[
‹ I have to go out where to turn? ›
On February 9th, 2008 uvinerse said:
uvinerse Hi chels, I could completely understand what you are going thru. There are times when I go thru the exact samething to the point wher my fingers go numb. And you're right it does "feel good." And you're right again you're face will end up scarred as you get older, take it from yours truly. But allow me to be the bearer of good news. First off, you are not alone in this. I could go on for weeks picking, and yet it feels like months were passing by, and i ask myself if this awful episode wud ever stop coz it just feels like a runaway freight train, and nothing ever good comes out of it to boot. You can't even function normally. You'd wish you cud just stay at home all week and pick away until the urge stops, and then wait another few weeks more til it heals and you could get out of the house and live life normally again. Right now i'm NOT going thru an episode, and i check in on this forum every once in a while to help sufferers as a way to thank God that i'm not suffering from it at the moment, i also check in to remind myself that this thing can strike at any moment, and it helps to keep me on my guard. When we are not suffering from these attacks, our tendency is to keep our guard down since the thing is so painful to go thru that we try to forget going thru them coz it just plain hurts to remember - just like a nightmare. But over the years i've learned this to be the wrong approach, no matter how painful it is to remember, we should never forget. This is a life long battle for some of us, we should always remain vigilant. We should never forget. I've been at this for more than ten years and it does cease chelsea, especially when stress levels are down. With what i've read from your post, i take it that you're still young and this is a very good thing. This only means you still have a chance to reverse this situation. Keep in mind that you're skin at this age can still heal itself completely back to the way it was. So your goal shud be to be able to control your picking to enable yourself to reach the very same complexion you once had. What are you 19? This shud be no problem so set a goal for yourself. Also, try to avoid sliding into a comfor zone when you're picking. When you reach an age when you tell yourself my skin's damaged anyway might as well damage it some more, this is the time it gets worse. As I said again chelsea, you've still got a chance to reverse the situation at this time. Avoid reaching the point wher you feel its senseless to stop coz you can't salvage anything anymore anyway, the way most sufferers end up feeling. And lastly, check back on this forum as much as you need to, you cud read a lot of very helpful advise and tips especially from people who have been going thru this thing for years. There maybe no cure for this compulsive behavior but there are definitely preventive measures, and i've read a lot of good ones in this forum. My own personal favorite, the one i came up with at least, is cutting my nails and filing them until they're virtually non-existent, well to the point where it can't dig into skin at least. A very small price to pay, i shud say. Still I'm sure there are better ones out there, you just have to look for them. Well i wish this at least gives you some kind of hope Chelsea. Good Luck and stay strong.
On February 10th, 2008 chels said:
Thank you so much, it means a lot to me. I am actually 15, but its funny.. I really have been picking ALL my life. Even when I was very little, like in 2nd grade, I remember that it was a very stressful time because my parents were going through a divorce, and so I picked my hands, and made many scars... My parents always asked me why I did it, and I remembered crying sometimes, because everyone was like,"are you nervous? Do you want attention? What IS it? WHY are you doing this to yourself." And I had no answer... I didnt know why i did it, i just knew that I felt a certain comfort when i picked. Eventually this habit stopped, and just started again, except now on my face. I came to a realization that this was some sort of disorder or problem.. and thats when i figured out that I had this compulsive skin picking. I am controlling it the best that I can, but I just get so upset with myself when I just allow myself to pick the hell out of my face, especially when its just starting to get better. I even do it in school, and I am so embarrassed when I start bleeding in class and my friends stare at me..I put makeup on to cover it up, and I think I look better, but it is obvious that i am just covering up a mess that I've made of my face. I really appreciate your response, and like i said, sometimes you just need to know that there are people out there going through the same thing you are, and that you aren't alone. Thanks for your support.
On February 10th, 2008 uvinerse said:
uvinerse Wow, only 15 and there's so much stress in your life already. And you're pretty sharp too, to realize that this must be some sort of compulsion and to check it on the net. I was way older when i realized this tho, and when i figured out that this must be a type of compulsion, i was too afraid to check the net coz i was too scared to find out the magnitude of this disorder, it was only this year that i gathered up the courage to check the net, only to find out that this thing is only in the early stages of study, and i realized i knew more than what some of the sites had to say. There was even a time, that to save my face from skin picking, i tried moving this compulsion towards my upper body. Bad idea! Never ever get the idea that this wud work, the body has way way more surface area than your face, altho my body cud be covered by clothes unlike the face, the destruction was way way more massive, it took weeks to stop picking coz ther was just to much area to cover, and this being a compulsion, i cudn't stop, i got 2-3 hours of sleep per day at most because of the picking, and it took weeks to heal, and months to look normal again. And the stinging pain from the wounds were just plain awful. I wud even twist and contort my body just to reach those hard to reach areas, and my body wud tense up and i'd even fall asleep in a middlle of a picking session, just because it really sapped the energy out of me completely, the destruction was so massive, my back and front looked like i came out of a road accident. Sorry if my story scares you, it's just that there are some ideas that don't work, some of them if they're not as bad as the problem are often times worse. So try to get ideas and tips from the more experienced sufferers chelsea, if you've been going thru this thing since the 2nd grade, then you're doing the right thing by being aware of this as a compulsion and by having the desire to fight it is a really really good start. Wow you're only 15, and you've already pinpointed the cause of the compulsion is stress, you're pretty sharp chelsea. I definitely understand exactly how you feel when it's just about to heal up and instead of letting our faces heal we'd just mess it up all over again, sometimes even way worse than the intial picking, so i really do know where you're coming from. So hang in there Chelsea, it's important to never lose hope. O and by the way, i'm twice your age =)
On February 10th, 2008 chels said:
Wow, I am really sorry you had to go through all that.. I can relate to the contorting a bit, because now my picking has spread to my back, and it looks really bad, and hurts. Whenever I put my backpack on for school, it really stings...and is so painful throughout the day. Thanks for letting me know that I'm doing the right thing, because, like you, I was afraid of what this thing that I was doing to myself might actually be... but for some reason, knowing that there are people like you that do it too, and that there is actually a name for it, is a relief. It sounds like you had it way worse than I do, and i really appreciate you opening up to me about it. I just want to get this habit under control, and learn from people on this site, and you, as much as I can. I got a therapist too, and she has been helping me, she told me to maybe wear gloves, or keep my hands busy when I feel the urge, but she said its not going to go away overnight. And i realize its not.. plus wearing gloves doesnt exactally stop the urge, so, I'm just gonna try to fight my urges, and the picking and hang in there. I really am sorry for what has happened to you, but I really appreciate that I can learn from your experiences, and try to control this compulsion. Your advice has really helped me! Thankyou!!
For information on the skin picking disorder (Dermatillomania), symptoms, causes and treatment methods, get the Complete Guide to Skin Picking Disorders.