One hour or One Day ... at a time

Posted February 19th, 2010 by wildflower

since it is so difficult a habit or compulsion to deal with i thought a place to celebrate achievements however small might be welcomed. i woke today and took off my bandages and immediately scratched the scab off one of my sores. i admonished myself immediately about not even being able to make it one minute into the day without picking. then i decided to see how long i could go despite being alone for a good while yet. i tied back my hair and after a wipe with just water applied some jojoba oil to my face and neck. i have been successful so far for about four hours using mind over matter to resist the skin sensations that urge me to explore various spots. i have not bandaged back up, nor have i put on any makeup. i have not given my spots more than a quick visual and managed to not attack anywhere despite spots that would normally have gotten a bit at least. gloves are at the ready should sensations deem them to be advisable to wear. i won't be alone long, now, but hope i won't have need to step out into the world which would require the need for a makeup application. oh the irony of healing being itchy!

On March 29th, 2010 cherrycolalola said:

K Im going minute by minute now. I have heard others suggest it, but I havent whole-heartledly tried to do this until right now. Im feeling a lot of pressure, so I figure the best thing I can do is to write and vent. Im visiting my mother after not seeing her for a very long time. ack! Theres always a lot of stress around my family and right now im trying hard not to pick, but my anxiety is high and I find myself doing it involuntarily. Im staying in the house where I grew up, and did the the worst of my picking. I just took a shower and being in the bathroom brought back a lot of old memories... of picking, of staring in the mirror for hours, of low self-esteem and panic and fights with my mother. I know I can get through this but Im scared Im going to pick as soon as I take off the face mask Im wearing now. I guess I will just go minute by minute, second by second. Im just hoping to make it through the night. I'll make sure to post in the morning, or maybe later tonight and tell of my progress. Maybe it will help me with accountability. Hope everyone is feeling stronger than I am right now. Even when things arent going well for me its really nice to know other people are having success

On March 29th, 2010 wildflower said:

my heart goes out to you and i hope i can send you strength through this message. i know how i'd feel in the scenario you're describing and that'd be feeling just as anxious as you are feeling. you are under tremendous anxious times indeed. minute by minute is exactly how you need to fight this one out. something made me get out of bed and check my messages. it's 5am and i checked this forum and found your post here. i'm glad i did if it helps you to know that someone is thinking of you and wishing you strength. i'll check here again in about 4 hrs hopefully to read that you're handling the situation with strength and determination. ((hugs)) to you along with my support and concern. know that others care. <3 <3 <3

On April 1st, 2010 cherrycolalola said:

thank you wildflower. that means a lot to me. I am so hating myself and the situation I've put myself in right now, so support and care from others is crucial. Hopefully I can get back into loving myself again. I hate to write this, but I failed that night. I was doing okay at first but somehow convinced myself(even with all my knowledge of how tricky this addiction is) that I could pick at one spot. It was a downward spiral from there. As bad as I feel writing that, I know that the fact I am admitting it is a positive step. Taking responsibility and admitting I cant control it is a big help. Right now Im struggling with feeling alienated. There are times when I accept that I have this problem. I am able to recognize that everyone has issues and this happens to be mine. But lately I've been feeling really guilty. I dont know why, but I keep thinking of an ex of mine. I keep comparing us and feeling freakish. I dont feel like my peers. Even my friends who have issues, and serious ones like drug addiction, seem different and far away sometimes. I desperately want to be as functional as many of my close friends, and like my ex. The jealousy wont help anything, I know, but Im still going in circles. I would just like to be productive and happy and be able to be alone with myself without hurting myself. It seems like one of the most basic things we deserve, to trust ourselves. But we cant, and sometimes it feels impossible and too sad to face this fact. Anyway Im trying to be more active in my recovery now, still going one minute at a time. Again thanks for your support

On April 3rd, 2010 wildflower said:

how are you doing?

On March 24th, 2010 wildflower said:

if the 40 day challenge seems too huge to consider, try this one. it's the minute, by minute - hour by hour - day by day challenge. share your successes no matter how small and if you get farther along, then consider switching to the 40 day challenge. that's what i did. i really surprised myself by beginning here with the hour by hour method.

On March 5th, 2010 wildflower said:

having made it to DAY 10 i have now committed to the 40 day plan !! :):):)

On March 2nd, 2010 wildflower said:

with february 24 being my first day of no picking and my first night with no bandages required, when i woke today it was with 6 days of no picking under my belt !! so far, so good today, and i will not pick tonite. i will not pick tonite. i will not pick tonite. i want to make it a whole week !!!

On March 3rd, 2010 40daysfromnow said:

Me tooooooo!!!! Good luck! We won't pick!

On March 3rd, 2010 wildflower said:

wonderful !! congratulations !! :):):)

On February 28th, 2010 wildflower said:

85 hours and counting !! today has been difficult with the anxious news about chili and the potential tsunamis but so far so good. it was a bandage day home alone. hopefully, my two sores will have healed good enough to not require bandages tomorrow night. and of course, hopefully i will not pick during the night or tomorrow. 3.5 days! i feel good. i can't remember managing to not pick for more than a few waking hours, let alone 3.5 days !! :):):)

On February 28th, 2010 ocdFreak said:

wow almost 4 days!!! you are a champ!!!!!!!!!!! keep it up!!!you can definitely do this! i know i'm back on day 2 tomorrow, but even if we have to keep starting over, lets break our own records until we eventually hit 40 days!

On February 28th, 2010 wildflower said:

thank you so much !! yes, indeed, let's cheer each other along. you can do it too. just keep on doing what is working and keep thinking about what new things will help. be proud of each passing hour. :)

On February 27th, 2010 wildflower said:

64 hours and no picking !! :):):) i still need 2 bandages tonight, though. the washcloth made my 2 sores bleed again. they weren't ready to heal. just 8 hours of being bandaged up last night didn't quite heal them enough and i had to go out into the world today so had to apply makeup after washing and moisturizing at the beginning of this past day and the day was a long one. i probably should have washed and bandaged up earlier this evening but didn't. i need to keep the bandages on longer than 8 hrs. one of these days i'll need to have a bandage day and stay in rather than going out into the world and i know that'll help them heal up. then i will just have to wait for the redness to subside. then perhaps i won't require the makeup even. and as long as i keep refraining from letting my fingers exploring and finding bumps and picking at them i'll be doing good. and believe me, the temptation is there !! i'll have to keep up with the self talk and continue with my regimen which seems to be helping calm down my skin and helping it heal and for whatever reason new bumps don't seem to be forming. maybe the green tea is helping. maybe the additional vitamin d, maybe the chromium, maybe the warm rather than hot washes, maybe the cold rinses, maybe the cetaphil moisturizer, maybe the tronolane, maybe the mometasone cream, or the right combination of all of the above combined with resolve to not pick from reading about the disorder, but whatever it is, it seems to be working !! almost 3 days now !! :):):):)

On February 26th, 2010 wildflower said:

53 hours and no picking !! :) after a long day out in the world washing my face at the end of the day last night made 2 problem areas bleed so i needed 2 bandages on my face overnight. if need be, i'll wear 2 tonight but i don't think i'll need more as every other sore seems to be healed enough to not need it and i am resolved to not pick and create the need for any other bandages tonight. hopefully these last 2 problem areas will heal up soon. i didn't have to wear too much makeup today either as my inflamed areas are lessening with my latest changes in my regimen and my good efforts to keep my fingernails and tweezers away from what they usually would be attacking. maybe i i'll make the 5 day mark! one hour at a time. :) and one day at a time :)

On February 25th, 2010 wildflower said:

no bandages last night !! my diligence with keeping my clothing hideable sores bandaged for days at a time, together with my nightly bandaging up and my leaving my largish sores on my neck bandaged up all day in addition to all night, brought my sores to a nicely healed state. i had no weeping or bleeding open sores after my half hour bath in a skin soothing mixture of epsom salts, baking soda, and powdered milk in my bath water so i slept for the first time in i don't know how long with no bandages on my body !! and i've managed to not pick for 30.5 hours !! i hope i manage to do my nightly regimen without causing any harm to my healing sores such that i can sleep without bandages again tonight. i believe all that the recent changes to my regimen have really made a difference and i'm hoping i'll get past 48 hours to work on the next 24 hours one hour at a time and so on and so on until i can consider this horrible habit kicked. :)

On February 24th, 2010 wildflower said:

not the best day today. 11 bandages tonight. two are on new ones :( i really need to discipline myself better. i really really want to get to both no picking and no bandages.

On February 23rd, 2010 wildflower said:

today i picked again. enough to have to start tomorrow as day one, but not too much as my sores are fewer as many have been bandaged for a couple of days. some have healed over enough to not require bandages tonight and ones that were on my face and neck that were slow to heal but needed to be unbandaged for the day were too vulnerable so three got "mined" and a fourth got attacked undeservedly. still, tho, i'm one bandage fewer on my face and neck and three fewer on my legs but i had to put one on my butt so am down to 9 bandages for the night. a small victory yet a defeat on the 40 day or rather 40 hour plan. i hope to do better tomorrow. tomorrow i will need to unbandage but will only unbandage the three sores on my face and will keep the two on my neck and will wear a turtleneck. thank goodness for pants, long sleeves, and turtle necks. my arm is coming along nicely as long as i resist the urge to scratch at the small scabs still there. the redness around those sores have really diminished which helps me keep away from that area as i see how good it is doing, however slow it is taking. i'm sure finding this place and posting progresses and failures here is helping me be better than i normally would be doing. i'm continuing with my vitamins, supplements, warm wash/warm rinse/cool rinse regimen and bandages as well as thinking about accountability to help me on this course to hopefully beat this obsession one day. i will also be calling to inquire about hypnotherapy tomorrow. thank you for reading this. good luck with you too. and feel free to add how you are doing. :) - edit: oops injured a finger on one hand and my thumb on another, but not by picking, and will have to bandage those up too, now :(

On February 22nd, 2010 wildflower said:

my resolve to do better today didn't last long but even at the end of this day, all totaled, i am doing better! i assess how i am doing by the number of bandages i require on my body on a nightly basis. there have been times when i have required 60 + bandages! over the last week i was needing about 20 nightly. then i came upon this site with my resolve to do better. together with feeling less alone with my problem now that i am sharing here, and my adoption of a serious change in approaches to addressing this affliction, i have noted an improvement despite my having picked this evening! the total number of bandages that i will be using tonite is only 12! my sores on my legs are healing really slowly and still require bandages. my arm doesn't have any sores requiring bandages now, and my face and neck is down to needing only 6 bandages, down from 12! i credit adding vitamin d, bromelaid, and chromium to my regimen of vitamins and supplements that i've been on for a long time as these new ones are touted to helping wounds heal, using warm water rather than hot water when washing my face, using perform liquid cleanser for the wash, doing a final cold water rinse to close my pores and to address inflammation, treating red inflamed areas with tronolane to address inflammation and itching, removing my makeup as soon as possible, doing my night time washing and bandaging regimen as early as possible, drinking more green tea, getting lots of sleep, committing in this forum to resist picking one day at a time towards reaching 40 days and permanence, and sharing my progress and trials. tomorrow, my new day 1, i hope will be easier knowing my skin has healed somewhat despite that i "fell off the wagon" today and maybe I will do better and better. thank you for reading this and sharing my small success. feel free to share yours and what has helped you. i am ending this day with a :)

On February 22nd, 2010 Ginger_Snapp said:

I think gloves is the best idea i've had so far. Im going to start in the morning.

On February 22nd, 2010 wildflower said:

gloves are good! best wishes to you. let us know how it goes.

On February 21st, 2010 wildflower said:

my bad. i must go bandage up. i can't leave my sores unbandaged. not while i am alone it seems. only four sores, but four too many. it's a good thing i keep the sores on my legs bandaged or i'm sure i'd be messing with them too. bandages are my saving grace and i guess i'll keep the company afloat for a time yet. i'm off to bandage up now. :(

On February 21st, 2010 wildflower said:

oh dear. i am alone again now and am experiencing difficulty. my fingers keep exploring and tho i try to just make assessments i've managed to do a bit of picking. enough to smooth one area since it was mostly healed but another bled. i immediately bandaged it. the itching sensations are getting to me. i think i'll take an antihistamine. i washed up upon waking and applied tronolane and then pure vitamin e. the former to address inflammation and the itch, the latter to provide moisture to the surrounding areas. so i guess my time, about 50 hours when i picked that little bit, must be set back to zero at 3:30 pm today. i resolve to do better. with this forum it will help. and by all means, feel free to share your experiences. :)

On February 22nd, 2010 ocdFreak said:

Yeah it's hard when your fingers just kind of make it there on their own. One thing I've noticed is that going 'cold-turkey' is really effing hard. In fact, that is why the first 2 days are the hardest. Ok, now this may seem counter intuitive and even cheating a bit, but this is what I found. When going cold-turkey, the urges were insatiable!!! I could not make it past day two without picking - so then I'd go back to day one, and the urges were still just as strong!! So i was on a cycle of day 1, day 2, day1, day 2 for about a week when i decided that on day two, instead of the cold-turkey thing, i'd ween myself off. so Friday was day 1 again, and I made it through, then yesterday at day 2 i smoothed something out that took less than 10 seconds (i made sure it was short, since 'normal' people take that long) and rather than fuel the fire, it just quieted the urges a bit until i could write stuff on this site. Today is now day 3, and the urges were not as strong today!! That is because I didn't hold off until I went crazy. I was thirsty for it, and so i gave myself a tiny sip to tide me over. I think that is the trick. but now, in order for the 40 day thing to really work, i just have to not pick at all now. so hopefully, and with lots of lotion and not looking at my hands and maybe even gloves if i have to, i will make it through without the horrific urges i got while quitting cold turkey. there will be urges, but hopefully not as strong. What do you think about all of this?

On February 22nd, 2010 wildflower said:

thank you so much for your comment. i noticed you provided the same support to another's post and i replied to it with this: i agree with the difficulty of going cold turkey and the self recrimination we subject ourselves to for failing a 100% or bust effort. i think that we should be able to forgive ourselves for lesser picking crimes when we are trying in earnest to improve ourselves. i'd vote for not having to count a slight slippage in expectations and only feel the need to officially start the 40 day effort completely over if a severe picking episode occurs. severity, i suppose, can be pretty subjective and perhaps could be left to our consciousness. i doubt any of us could fool ourselves to the finish line and would think that efforts would only get better and better after fewer and fewer small failures. in short, i think we are on the same track, one of self forgiveness with our considerable challenges. :)

On February 21st, 2010 ocdFreak said:

actually, this is a great idea - these posts are pretty much like an online journal of your struggles through this - this is great! i think maybe everyone should start one just for the purpose of letting off steam that comes from the issue, etc. i love to see how people are handling the issue, even if they don't make it past day 2 (which is hard hard hard...). i will continue to see how you are doing with this, and i will also make my own new post so everyone can track how i'm doing as well, after all, the secrecy of this thing really beats my confidence in the face because i feel i'm not like everyone else, in a bad way. but we are definitely beautiful! and strong so we can do this!

On February 21st, 2010 wildflower said:

yes, this is like an online journal of sorts but not one i mean to be just for me so thank you for your post and i welcome you and others to post ongoing progresses, thoughts, experiences, contributions, etc. i merely hoped this could be a place for us to share and provide an opportunity to cheer each other on as you have done for me. i will for you too, because yes, the secrecy of this condition does serve to beat us but if we come here to share perhaps it will help. the thought of doing this now certainly has helped me since i've found this place. xo

On February 21st, 2010 wildflower said:

today has been pretty good. i did not pick like i normally would have done. i did scrub a bit harder with my washcloth tho. does that equate to picking? i also lightly scratched around the bandages because my skin itched. i just scratched lightly and didn't pick any scabs or heads because they are covered. my lesions in my eyebrows are now finally dry and crusty and oh so tempting to scratch off but i have so far resisted!! i don't want to keep bandaging them up tho as i think air would be good for them now. and a break *somewhere* from the bandage adhesive. i know my hands should simply not be on my face whatsoever. but i did not gouge or use my trusty tweezers. i'm bandaged up for the night now and looking at the clock, i believe i might be at the 35 hour mark unless the scrubbing and/or face touching and mild scratching at itchy nonspecific areas counts against me. what's the verdict? i do believe posting here is helping me by being open and accountable to someone other than my significant other. thank you for reading this and responding if you wish to.

On February 20th, 2010 wildflower said:

it is the end of my day and i've actually done well, for me that is. i have been bandaged up since i returned home (i did have to go out on an emergency and put makeup on before doing so), and have been fighting the itching sensation all evening. i addressed the itching by *reverse scratching*, that is, placing my fingernails flat on my skin and flicking them gently upwards rather than scratching downwards. i caught myself about to pick but managed to stop myself !!! i am feeling quite itchy so i think i will take an antihistamine before going to sleep so i won't scratch where my bandages aren't or be tempted to remove a bandage. if i can successfully get to bed without picking now, it will be a whopping 12-1/2 hours since i've picked !! Feel free to add your experiences to this if you wish. And by all means share your tactics. We can learn from what works and what doesn't from each other. For me, bandaging has been my saving grace. the latex free little clear round ones with largish (compared to other round ones) gauze pads measuring about 1/2 inch square made by riteaid. i'd also be interested in to know favourite brands of lotion or moisturizers because my skin is super sensitive to them and many things. i can't even use neo or polysporin. i'm even suspicious of the jojobo oil wondering if it is contributing to the itchiness.

On February 20th, 2010 rosie said:

Do not give up! You are beautiful!

On February 20th, 2010 wildflower said:

thank you. you are too. we all are. this is an insidious affliction.

For information on the skin picking disorder (Dermatillomania), symptoms, causes and treatment methods, get the Complete Guide to Skin Picking Disorders.