This has got to stop.
Posted June 27th, 2012 by moomin mamma
I can't remember a time when I haven't picked at myself ... my arms from the shoulders down to my wrists are covered in keralis pilaris, I know a lot of people who get this on the backs of their arms but the whole of each of my arms is covered. And I pick it.... sometimes I get a pair of tweezers and have a little dig and its usually then that I become aware of what I am doing. This awareness is always accompanied by an overwhelming wave of self loathing/disgust. I also squeeze the pores on my face, pick at my fingers and feet and at the stretch marks on my stomach that I have from being pregnant. I love ingrowing hairs, hooking them from under the skin and pulling them free. For a time I had acrylic nails and the picking was certainly better, I would try, get no where, feel extremely, unbelievable frustrated, like I might actually pop, rub my arm vigorously for a few seconds then get up and anxiously try to find something else for my hands to do. However even that did not last as I eventually found ways around it. Stressful periods always make it worse, having nothing to do or rather, having so much to do that you don't know where to start is such a horrible feeling, so hopeless and overwhelming. I pick and I go into a little trance, picking, thinking about things... pondering some more as I dig away at those horrible ugly little white bumps and scars only to leave horrible ugly red sores instead. I am having a particularly stressful time at the moment, I have two year old twin boys, (we are potty training- they are ready, I am not) we live in a house with a mould problem that keeps us run down so we have been house hunting but have been very unlucky so far. Its a massive struggle trying to keep on top of chores whilst trying to look after crazy toddlers with an apparently inexhaustible amount of energy. On top of this, I am trying to flog a new business into life, I have an ongoing battle with my weight and recently my grandmother passed away. There are other things also but I actually can't face acknowledging them today...its been steadily piling up for a while and my picking has excelled off the charts so much that I have started to do it IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE.Today is the first time that I have actually acknowledged what I do is a compulsive condition. I'm still not sure it has sunk in yet but there's no two ways about it, it is and I have it. I typed "skin picking" into google about two hours ago and found this site. I have read so many stories that I utterly relate to. I'm not sure if writing and submitting this for others to read will help anyone, myself or anyone who reads this, but under "treatment" it recommends you share your story and your feelings. I am not yet ready to share this with my friends and family, so I will share it here. I have to face up to this and try to change. Xxx