It's time to commit! - My progress

Posted July 24th, 2012 by forbetterdays
I have been struggling with picking my face ever since my teenage hormones kicked in and I got a minimum of impurities on my face. Now I am seventeen years old, and I don't really struggle with acne or anything anymore, I only have some clogged pores and an occasional pimple. My face would be more or less flawless - if it hadn't been for the fact that I can't stop picking my face. Up until very recently I never realized why I always picked my face so much and why I was never able to stop even though I was only hurting myself. It made me feel extremely guilty and depressed, not to mention self-consious, and I always had to put on tons of makeup to be able to face anyone. Then, about a month ago, I found this site, and it really helped me realize why it was so hard to stop. This is something I need to fight. It feels like I have tried everything, and still I keep on losing the battle. It has caused me so much pain, and really affected my self-esteem. So it's time to fight back, and to beat this thing. I bear in mind that this is not just a bad habit, and, as I think we all know, it takes a lot to be able to stop picking. My battle starts today. I am committing to fight this, and this will be where i write about my ups and downs, as well as everything that helps to keep my skin clear. I'll try posting my progress everyday. Please feel free to join in and to share you own tips and tricks. We can fight this. Fall down a thousand times, stand up a thousand and one. xx
‹ Tips, tricks, ideas, and more. dermatillomania and tricotillomania! help ›
On September 8th, 2012 AnnCal said:
Ok, So I have been picking at my face for years now. Some weeks I am able to stop picking at it for a while, but ultimately, I always do it again and I make huge swollen spots all over my face, which are painful and unsightly and make me feel like I am not whole. When I say pick, I get up in the mirror and squeeze stuff out of my pores, even when there is barely anything there at all. I want to stop desperately-I would have nice skin if I didn't do this! I am here looking for advice and inspiration. Most people don't know that I have this problem because immediately after I pick I slather my face in Mario Badescu healing cream and sleep with healing mask on top of that. In the morning, I use an enzyme cleansing gel and then cover my face (paint it on thick) with two layers of Lancome teint idole 24 hour wear foundation on top of silicone based primer-so my face looks ok (but sometimes the swelling is still there and you can see that) But I know what it looks like underneath and it hurts. Anyway, I am sick of this. I am getting married in less than a year and I want to look great with little makeup. My fiance is wonderful and tells me I look beautiful no matter what, but I am so unhappy and I am ready for a change.I am thinking of taking the lightbulbs out of my bathroom. thoughts?
On September 8th, 2012 valentine said:
I think that's a great idea! Whatever you can do to limit your time in the bathroom is worth trying. I've never tried it but I know other people have had luck setting a kitchen timer, say for three minutes, when they go in the bathroom. That is, when the timer's up you have to leave the room!
On September 8th, 2012 valentine said:
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On August 17th, 2012 forbetterdays said:
DAY 23 - 26. These last days would have been completely pick-free if it hadn't been for that I picked five spots today.... I'm determined to just keep on as I did though. I'm back in school now, and I just feel SO great when I don't pick. I am actually getting better at limiting my picking, by focusing only on today and nothing else. I don't think what happened yesterday or what I will do tomorrow. I focus only on not picking today, at not picking right now. It really helps. So okay, it sucks that I picked those five spots just now, but I'll move on. I won't pick anymore today. :) :)
On August 14th, 2012 forbetterdays said:
DAY 18 - 22. It hasn't been pick-free days, and I have definitely picked too much, but today I haven't picked at all and I feel good. I want so bad for this whole thing to end, I want to never ever pick at my skin again. I just want to be able to go out of the house without using an hour on my makeup, and I don't want to feel so self-consious when I'm in school because I feel like my face is all messed up. I just want to never think about my skin again. I want it so bad it hurts. I've been feeling kinda down lately, and I can't help blaming my skin picking for that. I just want to stop. It's funny, I feel like I am actually begging myself to stop picking. I am begging for the skin-picking me to go away. Go away go away go away.
On August 9th, 2012 forbetterdays said:
DAY 16 - 17. I did great yesterday, and I felt soo good today because my skin is looking so much better. I'm certain that I would have done just as good today, only my parents got into one of their rare fights and even though it's never really serious this is for some reason one of the few things that makes my tears stream for hours. I always get beside myself. They made it up though, and everything was more or less back to normal when I went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Still, the strain from crying and feeling so upset was too much for me, and I picked at a few spots without really thinking much about it. I feel really bad about it. I was doing so good. I picked at a nearly healed wound on my cheek, and four blackheads on my other cheek and forehead. It wasn't extremely bad, but still bad enough. I now have a fresh wound on my cheek and my other cheek is all red and irritated and I'm sure I'll wake up with a big spot there tomorrow. And another one on my forehead. Oh well. When I'm as upset as I was today I always forget that I care about not picking my face, and I just sort of allow myself to do it. At least I'm not this upset very often, so I won't pick much because of it. I'm just going to accept that I picked because I was so upset, and I should just be glad it wasn't worse. I'll just carry on and keep on doing as good as I did before the fight. :)
On August 7th, 2012 forbetterdays said:
DAY 8 - 15. I've been away on holiday for the last week, and i've done sort of good. I did pick a little in the beginning of the week before I was able to refocus, and I felt really bad about it... Still, I did alright. Now I'm back home and ready to really take care of my skin. Now that my picking is better, I'm focusing on the scars that I have on my face. My scars looks real bad when I don't wear makeup. The surface of my skin is mostly smooth, but I've got tons of red - deep red marks everywhere, especially on my cheeks right below my cheekbones. I think it's called hyperpigmetation. I think and hope that these red marks will go away with time, but I also know that it can take A LOT of time, so I'll do what I can to make it go faster. I can't really afford to do anything expensive though. Does anyone have any tips to make scars/hyperpigmentation fade? I'm thinking about trying something called the Egyptian Magic Cream. Has anyone tried this?
On August 8th, 2012 newperspective said:
I would have to agree with Skreed on the lemon juice - my skin reacted in the exact same way. I have tried Egyptian Magic and didn't see a difference in my skin whatsoever. In fact, as a result of using it, my skin broke out and it just gave me more spots to pick at and obsess over. Exfoliation and bleaching creams that contain hydroquinone would be the most effective approach. Just don't use hydroquinone on freshly picked skin - it will irritate it. I definitely recommend this approach if you are not actively picking. Best of luck to you and I truly hope this helps! XO - newperspective
On August 9th, 2012 forbetterdays said:
Yes, I think lemon juice alone will be a bit much for my sensitive skin. Mixed up with water or green tea it might not be so bad though. It's interesting, what you say about Egyptian Magic, because everyone just seem to go completely bananas over this "miracle", but I'm just not so sure anymore. I think I will give it a try though, just to be sure. As for the exfoliating I'm already on it, it's just that I have to stop every time I have a bad picking episode, because I don't want to exfoliate on my damaged skin. I don't like to exfoliate too much either because I feel like it makes my skin out of balance. The bleaching cream is something I will keep in mind and I will definitely give it a try if nothing else works, although I do prefer to keep things as natural as possible for my sensitive skin. Thank you! :)
On August 7th, 2012 skreed29 said:
ive been looking into scar treatment stuff too ! i prefer natural remedies to chemicals, and read a million reviews swearing by lemon juice. using it topically. so a few weeks ago i gave it a shot. when you first put it on everything gets really red, but when it was time for me to wash it off (about an hour later) i would always notice that my face looked more even, and much more pink than red. this is a temporary effect, but they say that if you do it consistently for a month or so you will see serious results. i did it for about two and a half weeks, and i wouldnt say it doesnt work because i saw a change in the small amount of time that i used it.. but when you put lemon juice on your face it stings in a really itchy burny irritating way that just makes you want to rip your face off. i would do a lot to feel beautiful but that was just not worth it to me.. some people say after a few days it stops stinging so bad, but not for me ! maybe my skin is just sensitive or something... so if you are desperate for really fast results, i would give it a try. if not, still maybe give a try. maybe it wont be so painful for you. good luck ! (:
On August 9th, 2012 forbetterdays said:
Yes, I've heard lemon juice is supposed to be good. I have actually given it a few tries when I was younger, before I realized my picking was the reason behind my scars, but I always sort of gave up on it after a few days, and I can't remember if it had any effect on my skin at all. Perhaps I'll give one more try. My skin is very sensitive too, though, so I'm picturing the lemon juice might make it dry and irritated. I've read about a homemade tonic somewhere made of green tea with apple vinegar and lemon juice in it. This might be a bit more gentle. I'm definitely going to try mixing something up :)
On July 30th, 2012 forbetterdays said:
DAY 7 - 9/10. Picked just the tiniest bit today, on one spot, but I still feel kinda bad. I just have to get over it though. Today was a good day. I'll be gone for a week from tomorrow on holiday, and I WILL NOT PICK while I'm away. I'll write about how I did when I get home :)
On July 29th, 2012 forbetterdays said:
DAY 6 - 10/10. No picking today. I feel great. Yesterday's picking session really got me thinking. I don't want to pick anymore. I won't pick anymore. I'm done. It feels really good to think that way :) I feel like I am finally fully committed to stopping. It's just not worth it. It will be super hard, that's for sure, but I believe that I'll be able to fight this. I'll do just as good tomorrow!
On July 29th, 2012 forbetterdays said:
DAY 5 - Holy crap I picked. I PICKED. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. Oh right. Dermatillomania. So much for feeling happy and motivated. All I want is to stop picking. And I can't. When I pick, I'm like a child who doesn't understand the consequences of what I am doing. I'm so disconnected from everything. And then I stop and I realize what I have done. And here I am. Feeling... I can't even describe it. I think the worst part is feeling so helpless. This is something that I can't control. If I could just say okay then, this will never happen again, and really believe it I would have been fine right now. I would have been so happy if that was the case. But I don't really believe that I will never pick again. But that doesn't mean I give up! If anything I'll try harder. I just want to stop picking. So I'll challenge myself. From now on, I won't even allow myself to pick on the very surface on my skin. Even if it's only a flake of dry skin. No picking whatsoever. I'll take one day at a time. One hour at a time. And i'm going to take this really seriously from now on. I realize I get too relaxed when I go without really damaging my skin for too long. I need to stay alert. The skin-picking version of me really can't be trusted. The most important thing is still to maintain a healthy lifestyle, though. Daily exercise and a healthy diet is one of the key points for me to stop picking. Lack of exercise was what triggered my picking today. The rain was pouring down outside all day, so I didn't go for my daily run, and the gym was closed today. I stayed at home all day. Too much energy builds up inside me, and I take it out on my skin. It happens far too often. But I guess all I can do is to keep on fighting back. Because I will win this battle, and I will be able to stop. Even if it takes me fifty years to stop entirely. I'm not giving up. Today is a 3/10. Tomorrow will be a 10. I owe that much to myself.
On July 28th, 2012 forbetterdays said:
Feeling really motivated today :) Can't wait to go back to school feeling confident and happy about my skin. :)))))
On July 27th, 2012 forbetterdays said:
DAY 4 - 7/10. I guess I did kinda good today, but I still picked a little, so it's definitely room for improvement. I didn't really do any damage to my skin, though. My skin has been breaking out a little lately because my eating has been kinda bad. Not really bad, though, it's just that my skin reacts so easily whenever I eat unhealthy stuff, and we've had leftover birthdate cake for dessert for like three days now. Bad skin really triggers my picking. So I think today was good given the circumstances. :) Gonna have a large glass of lemon water first thing in the morning. Lemon seriously work wonders, always making my skin clear up, and giving it this healthy glow. AND it makes your skin heal faster :)
On July 27th, 2012 forbetterdays said:
I've realized what I really hate about my picking, is that sometimes I do it quite "successfully", meaning that I squeeze out a couple of blackheads and that's it. Not a single mark or wound or irritation left. That really makes hard to stop picking entirely! Sometimes I just think like oh well, I'll just squeeze that clogged pore and that'll be it. And sometimes I succeed and that's that, but most of the time I just end up making a huge red mark around the pore, making it irritated so that I'll be sure to wake up with a huge pimple the next day. Then usually I just keep on picking all over my face feeling hopeless, and I lose myself completely. What I need is a reminder of how often it goes wrong, and how horribly bad it makes me feel. Doing well so far today, though, I only squeezed out a clogged pore... Successfully.
On July 26th, 2012 forbetterdays said:
DAY 3 - 5/10 Um... Well, today could have been better. I am going through some really stressful things in my life right now, and I've basically done nothing but to sit around worrying all day. I actually did really good, barely touching my face all day, until I slipped when i was getting ready for bed (I was still really stressed out and I didn't even notice what I was doing at first). I feel really angry with myself for even letting myself stand so close to the mirror, especially before washing my face, because that is nearly always when I pick! I need to be more aware of that when I go to wash my face, and I need to turn down the lights in the bathroom. That really helps, only I keep turning them back up "so I can see my face properly". I need to be more strict about that. On the bright side, I don't think I did any lasting damage to my skin. So I guess that's good, as long as I remember I won't be so lucky next time...
On September 8th, 2012 msmadness said:
Your process is similar to mine. Which is why I hope you dont feel offended when I say: do you notice that we pick almost every day? Things that I find work: I dont look in the mirror. I walk right past, pee, and leave. I wash my face at night, with the lights off, feel refreshed and go to bed. I've adopted an "in denial" approach where I tell myself there is nothing wrong so I try not to look at my skin. For me its not really my face, it used to be, but its my arms. MY ARMS ARE BAD. BAAAD. School is starting, I'm in university, so I bought a few long sleeve shirts to hide it. This whole summer I made a theme "a summer of healing" and the whole summer was almost fantastic. I picked notably 7 times (according to my journal) but minor picking almost every day. And if I hadnt kept that log, I honestly would have told myself "but you barely picked!" But I did. I flip through pages and every other page it starts with "ugh i picked. But not so bad. Just a bit. Itllbe okay" two-three days later: "AHH.FML. WWhats wrong with me! I ruined my skin." So I know how it feels and how annoying and disappointing it can be when we succumb to what feels like a frustrating and overwhelming yet simplistic difficulty. My biggest fear is that my skin wont heal, it wont look "perfect" so I give up and give in. Don't make excuses about "good" picking and "bad" picking. Picking is picking. It all needs to stop. Try 7 days cold turkey. Do some ridiculous things to avoid it if you have to. I dont think we need to turn on the lights to wash our face. Cut your nails and put something on your hands to make it more difficult to pick!! i hope we can stop this!!
On July 26th, 2012 mowmow said:
Skin picking is scary. I went to my doctor and couldn't even tell her, because it is just such an odd thing, I suppose. I told her I had anxiety which I'm sure I do, but couldn't bring myself to tell her what I do daily about the anxiety. I have since stopped the skin picking and I am so proud- but my self esteem is still coming back to where I'd like it. I had an awful time- I did the same thing, I said TODAY I AM STOPPING! But that today lasted for 2.5 months. Every day I told myself. Finally things healed and I didn't get at new ones. I've been using a lot of skin products, proactive and some aveeno things that have kept the breakouts away - I think that's a neccesity honestly, because if there's more to pick while you're trying to heal it gets frustrating and makes more problems.
On July 26th, 2012 forbetterdays said:
Congrats on stopping your picking!! Still working on that over here... And i totally agree, it's so much easier to stop picking when your skin is clear. Whenever I breakout because of stress, lack of sleep or eating bad food and so on, I always end up picking my face so much more than I usually would have. I hope that I will be able to stop my picking entirely too. Even though I still pick, I do feel like I am getting better at stopping myself whenever I slip, and moving on before really messing up my face. Not giving up!
On July 25th, 2012 forbetterdays said:
DAY 2 - 6/10. Doing better, though I still picked today. It was nothing big though, no sessions, I only picked a few clogged pores and I stopped right away before taking off completely. Staying positive :)
On July 25th, 2012 forbetterdays said:
DAY 1 - So this day was horrible, it was what made me sign up to this page in the first place. It really made me realize I do have a serious problem. It's so scary, the way I stand in front of the mirror in the bathroom picking and I keep on screaming for myself to stop inside my head and still I don't. It's like i'm two people, and this crazy, skin-picking version of me just takes over whenever I get to close to a mirror. It always happens before I get to bed. I'll just have to be more aware of that, and keep my hands busy when I stand in front of a mirror. I'll give this day a 4 out of 10 possible points. Tomorrow will be better!
On July 27th, 2012 jenekins said:
I do the same thing. Of course the skin-picking me tries to argue that some spots need to be picked so it's okay versus the spots that I pick at unecessarily. I'm going to try dimming the lights when I wash up tonight. Sometimes I soap up my mirror so I can't see clearly, but it never lasts long. Tomorrow will be better! (^ _^) / ~ ~
On July 27th, 2012 forbetterdays said:
Dimming the lights really helps! I try to keep some distance between my face and the mirror whenever I'm in the bathroom, only the skin-picking version is pretty messed up, and i convince myself that I only want to "examine" my skin, so I turn the lights back up and allow myself to stand far to close to the mirror. And that's not exactly a clever move for someone like me. I'm getting better, though. I tell myself that if I HAVE to look so closely at my skin, the condition is to keep my hands busy, so I usually just clench a towel or something. Anything to stop me from picking!
On July 29th, 2012 mmmmm said:
ugh, i'm like that..i stay away from the mirror but as soon as i look a bit i need to REALLY look..close. it' sucks because once you've seen something that 'shouldn't be there' you have to pick it if you leave it's just no good and it won't go you just notice it more, raah.
On July 27th, 2012 isabell1 said:
Sorry to hear, here's to a better tomorrow
On July 27th, 2012 forbetterdays said:
Never giving up! :)
For information on the skin picking disorder (Dermatillomania), symptoms, causes and treatment methods, get the Complete Guide to Skin Picking Disorders.