My commitment to FINALLY quit!

Posted August 8th, 2012 by Krickster
I am 23 years old, 24 this month, and I have been picking my face for the better part of a decade. It has consumed my entire life. I wear pounds of makeup every day to cover up my pumps and redness. If it werent for picking, my skin would be close to perfect. I have just very recently started to notice scars developing and I know if I dont stop now it's going to get bad FAST! I have tried everything... I have cut my nails as short as they will go, taken the lightbulbs out of the bathroom, covered all mirrors, and worn gloves during the day, but as soon as I do well, I give myself a little wiggle room and go backwards. This past Monday I relapsed big time. I have very sensitive skin, so when I pick the way I did Monday, it takes a very long time before my skin looks remotely normal again. I have canceled all plans for this week so I can sit at home and cry with bandaids on my face. The ironic part? I am a beauty consultant and I sell skin care and cosmetics. Luckily, I work from home so I dont have to see anyone, but I would feel so much better if I could kick the habit and I wasnt embarrassed to leave the house. I also pick the bottom of my feet, my cuticles, my back, and my scalp... anything that has dead skin or a pump on it. I KNOW that I can quit and this is my first step! My husband and best friend know about it but they dont quite get it... I think being on here and doing updates will help keep me accountable. I have been very depressed lately and I know that it has a lot to do with this awful habit. I want to go back to being happy and confident again. This is officially day 2 of no picking my face =) I want to give myself the gift of beautiful skin for my birthday! Please let me know if anyone has any good tips! I hope I can help a few people as well as myself throughout this process!
‹ my progress, kp and face skin picker:/ What Helped me stop picking ›
On August 22nd, 2012 Krickster said:
I am happy to say I have been doing very well this week! The incentive chart my husband helped me make is very helpful! We made a list of all the things I hate to do that I'd have to do if I picked... I REALLY dont want to paint the bathroom, so i WILL NOT pick! I squeezed one big whitehead on my chin this morning, but I'm learning the self control I need to not continue to pick. It's hard to not squeeze things when I do my eyebrows since I'm so close to the mirror, so I think I might start going to get them done somewhere from now on. My birthday is in 2 days and I am thrilled that I will be able to go out and feel good about myself =) I keep reminding myself how good this feels in hopes that I wont ever pick again! Wish me luck!
On September 5th, 2012 valentine said:
Hey Krickster, I'd love to hear how you're doing. My birthday was the 25th and it was great to spend it pick-free. I've gone past the 21 day mark and though I think "not picking" is indeed growing to be a habit, picking still pokes its pesky head up from time to time and it's hard to stay vigilant when otherwise abstaining. Do tell us how you're progressing!
On August 15th, 2012 Krickster said:
Last night right after I took my makeup off I picked at my chin again =( I only focused on one pimple, but I did a bit of damage. I have a very large scab today that I'm seriously praying will go away soon. Its relatively flat so I could easily cover it with makeup. I'm still extremely frustrated. It looks like a week without doing severe damage is my limit. Dennis and I are finishing my incentive chart now so hopefully that will motivate me enough to stop. It takes 21 days to create a new habit, so when I go 3 weeks without any picking, I'm getting a natural chemical peel to smooth out some of the minor scaring I have. I am REALLY looking forward to that, so I dont want to screw this up! I am confident that I really can do it this time =) Even though I am disappinted with how I look, I still plan on going camping this weekend. Hopefully my skin will have evened out by then.
On August 14th, 2012 Krickster said:
Welp, I spoke a little too soon. I squeezed a bunch of white heads on my chin. I dont think it will bruise and look crazy like last time because I didnt pick for very long. I just squeezed the bad guys and walked away. I squeeze hard though. And I always dig with my nails. Ugh. I AM proud that I walked away though before I went to the rest of my face, so thats good! My hubby is home now so we can work on our incentive chart =) Hopefully it works! And hopefully I didnt do too much damage just now! This is such a ridiculous disorder.
On August 14th, 2012 soembarrassed said:
I totally agree this is a ridiculous disorder!!! I am glad you where able to walk away. Be very proud of that!! That is a step in the right direction!!!!
On August 14th, 2012 Krickster said:
Hey everyone! It's been one week since I destroyed my face and left myself under emotional house arrest. I can happily say that my face is relatively under control. My skin does not heal anywhere near as quickly as it did in the past... another fabulous reason to quit ASAP! I'm surprised it hasnt healed completely yet, but I guess my skin can only take so much damage before it starts to get really irritated. I have not done any serious damage, just squeezed one or two things on my chin that in my opinion HAD to go! I also picked off a scab on my cheek because it was really flaky and I coulsnt get my foundation over it. Picking it off actually helped smooth out the skin, but it was pretty red again. The one thing I did that I'm angry about is I "clipped" a bump on my left cheek under my eye. This thing has been on my face for almost a month! I dont know if it was a bug bite gone bad or what, but it was pissing me off so I clipped it with nail clippers lol The bump has gone down, but now its a dark scab =( I did that 2 or 3 days ago and I'm hoping the scab will go away in time for the weekend. I am still picking at my cuticles and other stuff, but I'm not really concerned about that at the moment. If I could cut out the time I spent leaning over the bathroom sink and squeezing EVERYTHING on my face, I'd be the happiest girl in the entire world! My husband is playing a huge role in my attempt to quit =) He's developing an incentive program for me so I get rewards if I don't pick for certain amounts of time. I think it's an awesome idea! It's nice to have someone else involved to keep me accountable. I'll have to answer to him every night and let him know whether I picked or not. I hate to lose and I really hate to disappoint my husband, so I think this is going to be very effective =) We are going on a mini vacation this weekend for my birthday, so I'd really like to look nice for that! We are camping on a beach, so I would LOVE to be able to go without makeup and feel confident about it. I'm sure knowing that's coming up will be pretty good motivation to not touch my face. Thank you all for your encouragement and tips =) Hope you all have an awesome week!!
On August 14th, 2012 valentine said:
Krickster, your chart and involving your hubby sound like great ideas. I too have a birthday in the next week or so...and I too will be at the beach. Let's take these occasions full on, and as pick free as possible! And early happy birthday!
On August 10th, 2012 goal orientated said:
Krickster, I love your idea of trying to leave the house with make up as you normally work from home. I say this because I wreck my own face when I am in my holidays away from work. I think a lot of your dermatilomania might also be controlled the same way as mine: in response to having to leave the house. Like you, I am fortunate to have an affectionate partner who wants me to heal. But somehow I look horrendous in my time away from work, since I know I do not have to be seen by the public. Yet when i pop out and of course conceal my wreck with a beautiful layer of make up, the smoothness makes me calm down the picking. So for you, I belive a helpful idea might be to pop out more regularly, even if it just for groceries. Yet the key is make up, for confidence and to put yourself at ease even for a few hours. Also, I read on another dermatilomania site that make up is never rarely touched by skin pickers as we take pride in beautifying ourselves. Yes it is a perfection thing. If you don't wish to go out everyday, simply wear make up from the morning till you are about to go to bed, but wash it thoroughly. That way you will look like the better version of yourself at home and feel the need to match up your own skin to the clear complexion appearance of make up. Also you can then set goals like tryigh make up without concealer to monitor how much your scars have faded i.e. let the make up look a bit trasparent. Or you can invest money on your skin by regular facials if you have the gutts, since you will feel answerable or applauded some other weeks by the skin therapist. Being monitored puts us in line sometimes. Hope all this helps. As a CSP for ten years, I have found this is the only solution that calms me down sometimes. Yet still a lot to achieve. PS. You're amazing for making it a few days already :)
On August 14th, 2012 Krickster said:
You are so sweet! Thank you =) and you are SO right! I NEVER touch my face if I have makeup on! I need to start putting it on the second I wake up to prevent any picking throughout the day, but it's hard when I work from home! lol The funny thing is that I'm a beauty consultant, so I actually wear LOTS of makeup and sell skin care and cosmetics. It's hard for me to go to the meetings on Mondays knowing what I actually look like under the makeup I'm selling. I have done pretty well the past week or so, I have squeezed here and there, but I have not created any unnecessary damage. My husband decided to start an incentive program for me =) He is going to write it up when he gets home from work today (he loves to write things down and make charts and lists lol). If I go a certain amount of time without picking, I'll get a reward. I was trying this on my own, but it wasn't working so well because if I wanted something, I'd just buy it for myself, picked or not! I think it's a really great idea! Having support really helps! I hope you are doing well too =) I know we are both going to have a fabulous week!!
On August 9th, 2012 Krickster said:
I'm still super bummed about how much I picked Monday =( It looks like I have boils all over my face! I havent picked at all today, but I was tempted. That's the most frustrating part; that even with my face in the condition it's in I still want to pick and do more damage. It's because I feel the need to look perfect all the time and when I see an imperfection, I want to get rid of it. I'm not really sure how I havent quite grasped the concept that I do a lot more damage than good. I think typing it out for other people to read will help me to realize what I'm doing to myself. Today absolutely sucked. I only went outside once to let the dog out and pick a cucumber from my garden. Someone came to the door and I hid behind the couch... I think that's a bad sign. Anyway, I'm going to bed soon and I'm praying that I look better in the morning, but I'm going to need a mircale.
On August 9th, 2012 soembarrassed said:
I know the feeling off hiding do it all the time. How was it in the morning? Better I hope!. Hang in there you have my support.
On August 9th, 2012 Krickster said:
Ugh, no good this morning =( Looks just as bad as it has the past 2 days... My husband told me to look up which vitamins help healing. A and C seem to do the trick so I ate eggs for breakfast and put on an egg mask. I'm going to eat leafy lettuce for lunch and put on my vitamin C serum after I take the egg off so HOPEFULLY it'll start healing today and I'll look human again tomorrow. If this doesnt make me stop picking, nothing will!! I still have the urge to pick though. I'm just going to wear gloves and avoid the mirror forever.
On August 9th, 2012 soembarrassed said:
Same here. Neosporin and band aid all night. Got up this morning with high hopes that when i removed the band aid my sore would be magically healed. No looked exactley as it did before i went to bed. Discouraging!!! I am starting day 1 no picking. I went to work again this morning that is a big accomplishment for me. One more day of work thank goodness. Going out is the hardest thing. I dont know about you all but i have turned inti a face watcher. Everyone has perfect skin as far as i can tell. Never do i see anyone looking as bad as me. Then it hit me....that is because the ones with skin like mine are hiding out at home. What i want to know is how all these people have perfect skin. Seriously!! So my new outlook is one day at a time. I will take baby steps and try not to hide out at home all weekend.
On August 9th, 2012 Krickster said:
I AM going to try to cover it with makeup and actually leave the house today
On August 13th, 2012 soembarrassed said:
How did it go? Are you doing ok?
On August 9th, 2012 alice30 said:
So how do we introduce ourselves here?I'm reading different articles some have actually me more then my dr has. Do I start a new thread?I came across this cause just like all of u I'm sick of this
On August 9th, 2012 Krickster said:
Hi! I'm Christie :) you should start your own forum so you can track your own progress, like a diary. So far, I've found it very helpful to tell other people my story and give and receive advice :) thanks for posting!
On August 9th, 2012 alice30 said:
And good luck krickster!
For information on the skin picking disorder (Dermatillomania), symptoms, causes and treatment methods, get the Complete Guide to Skin Picking Disorders.