Ruining my face
Posted August 8th, 2012 by soembarrassed
I am 40 almost 41 and for the last 3 years have been destroying my face. Any little bump i pick at until I am left with an open wound. These wounds used to heal fairly quickly now they take months. They start to heal and I CANT STAND THE SCAB OR FLAKES OF SKIN so of course I pick at those. I really need to stop this as now I am starting to get scars, which then I pick at thinking if I can get that little raised uneven skin picked off then problem solved - no more scar. That is not the case. You then have an open wound all over again that starts healing with scar and all. I cant tell you how many times I have called in to work with one excuse or another as I am too embarrassed to be seen. I have even gone to lunch and picked and called in some "family emergency" that I have to go take care of as not to return. I cant stand the feeling that there is a spot light on every little mark. I constantly watch people's eyes to see if they are looking at my marks. This is so ruining my life. I never want to go anywhere. Cancel plans all the time. My friends tell me I am being parinoid that you cant even tell there are marks on my face. Who do they think they are kidding? I have mirrors (which I look in at least 100 times a day) I can see them, so I know they can.
I really dont know why I started doing this. The best I can figure is when I started seeing this guy and felt that I HAVE to have perfect skin or he would not be interested.
I know this not to be the case as scabby marks or not he always wants to do something with me. I cant tell you how many times I have backed out of plans with him just so he wouldnt see the mess of my face.
I am at a lost on what to do. How to stop. How to heal. I really dont want to spend the remainder of my life with band aids on my face at night trying in vane to heal the mess I have created.
Any tricks you all have on healing these nasty marks, or stopping the urge to pick would be greatly appreciated and welcomed.
On March 3rd, 2013 Qwertyuiop said:
I do this to and it's awfull, I always go to school with massive red marks on my face and I can just feel people staring at my wounds. It's horrible but I have tried every singe cream alive and done everything i could possibly think of. This morning there was a tiny spot that even when I was popping it i know I shouldn't have. I now have a massive open wound that I hope I will never have to see again, I always try to cover it up with makeup, that sometimes works but I have to re perfect it almost every half an hour! I don't really know what to do but as I am typing this on my ipad, I have toothpaste on my spot and I have tried it before and it really brings ut the redness of the spots, for a while at least, I'm sorry but that's kinda all that I do and I haven't scarred.
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On February 16th, 2013 Ocdchick91 said:
Hello all. This is my first time posting in a forum like this but boy do I Need help. I think the reason I pick is this intrinsic need to be perfect all the time. I never leave the house without my hair done, my makeup on etc. when I get a pump or something that feels anything but smooth I have this crazy Need to get everything out. I am incapable of popping a pimple like a normal person. I end up with huge massive scabs that I can't explain. Ill tell people I burned myself with a curlin iron, ill skip class because I can't have anyone see me. I'm 21, in my last year at college and have multiple roommates and I make sure I'm thirst on awake every morning because I don't want them to see my damaged fave without makeup. I go such long days because of my schedule that my biggest fear is that some of the makeup what's come off. Nighttime is almost a relief because I get to take it all off and cover it in creams and products that hide it. I need to stop. Today is day 1. Who has advice? I just want to be normal and not rush for coverup the moment my eyes open.
Help! Also I have a huge scab on my cheek currently- should I put those advanced healing bandages on it even though it says for blisters??
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On March 3rd, 2013 Lily19 said:
Hey there, I know this post was from awhile ago but I'm wondering how you are doing now? I can relate to every bit of your message, in such a similar way it's almost scary. Though I'm not an expert at this, I do know one thing - We care about our faces more than the people around us. I thought for the longest time everyone would know when I picked. And they did - But they noticed I was depressed and unhappy, but not the marks on my face. People who don't have this disease don't understand it because to them acne is acne - everyone gets it. To us it's more because it's self-inflicted. What I can say to you is put your own face first - not the looks you get back from others. You know that one week you don't pick and you feel great? Remember that, and never forget it. It's easy to be happy, we just have to let ourselves. If you want specific pieces of advice, here's what has worked for me:
After each night, I wash off my make up and apply 3 layers of Calamine lotion to my face. This lotion is for rashes and wounds on the skin, which is really what a scab is. Too often we don't associate it with a wound. Then, I leave it on for an hour. Then, lotion and off to bed. But the next important step is to keep picking on your mind each day - Not in a negative light, but be aware of it. Be aware of your urges. I put band aides on my two pointer fingers each day, as a constant reminder of what I won't let my hands do. I really hope the best for you. Good luck.
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On February 4th, 2013 kttttk6 said:
I can't believe that there are so many others out there that suffer from this very problem of picking their skin. I am 40 and Will be 41 in April and have been doing this for prob about 12 yrs now. Im so ashamed of myself and can't leave the house sometimes due to the fact that i feel like everyone is looking at the wounds on my face. I Will never forget when i went to a new family Dr 2 yrs ago and they asked me how long i had been using meth. I had never used any drugs but i was so ashamed. I mess with my face for hours out of the day and hate myself for doing it. I have 3 boys, a grand son now and a boyfriend and Im so ashamed of myself for them. My oldest son got a scholarship into a private college to play football for them and my other 2 are in high school. I try to dodge anything they are affiliated with as i also do with my boyfriend.I feel like Im doing them an injustice if i let ppl see what kind of mother or girlfriend they have. I hate that i am this way and have seriously, in the past, even thought of breaking my user hand to manipulate myself but i figured i would find another way anyway. I relate so much to so many of you, especially the person with the username so embarrassed. I don't know of any help from this issue other than to "just stop" which many have probably heard so many times. Thank you for letting me share myself and my pain on here.
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On February 4th, 2013 spmn7 said:
I am 41 and really relate to everything you said. I have often wondered if people thought I was a meth user. And I have never done drugs either. Thank God for the cold weather so I can at least wear a hat to cover my forehead and a scarf to cover my neck and face and not look like a total freak when I leave the house. Other than necessary shopping I have been pretty well housebound for months. There are things I want to do but I keep putting them off, waiting for my skin to clear. I have started using high quality cleansers and products to help and have seen some improvement. I'm trying to change my diet too because I know processed foods and sugar only makes things worse. I am determined to figure this out and then help as many people as I can who suffer with this problem. For free.
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On February 4th, 2013 kttttk6 said:
That's great. Im trying to do the commitment thing here in one of the forums and today is day one to post on there and my goal is to try to not look in the mirror and not touch my face. Well, needless to say, I've already been messing up with touching. I've only looked a couple of times but for the most part i haven't picked yet today.maybe i won't. Cross our fingers but my anxiety is so high. Thanks so much for replying to let me know someone is atleast listening. You can message me if you'd like. My email is kttttk6@gmail.com
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On February 2nd, 2013 IcePop said:
So glad to have found this i am driving myself crazy with this!! i have struggled with acne since i was 11 (im now 28) and it ruins my life. I keep giving myself big bleeding holes in my face which won't heal because i just cannot leave my skin alone! every night before bed i tell myself i'll just wash my face & that will be it, but nope, i examine every inch of my skin & pick at it to remove any tiny bumps and i get spots which don't pop so then i start sticking pins in them & using nail clippers to try & get the core out! and as soon as they scab over i hate how they look raised so i scratch that off leaving a crater underneath. I subconsciously scratch and pick at my back all day making it bleed i just can't stop!! it doesn't help that these spots i get literally will not pop or go away until the core comes out, but the core takes about 3 weeks to come to the surface. once that is out they heal over really quick. but i just can't wait so i keep picking & scratching & i just end up really ruining my skin. i definitely do it more when i'm stressed or upset as well. I have not touched my face today apart from to wash it & do my make up and today will be day 1 of no picking. ergh.. for me it is not any form of self harm but just an obsession i need to make them go away!!! but i need to learn that this is not helping me at all. it's scarring me. i've asked my doc for a derm referral again, i had a 6 month course of roaccutane 4 years ago and it worked wonders but now the acne is coming back & although mild in comparison i'm not dealing with it very well & already feel like i don't want to leave the house or look people in the eyes etc. acne blows.
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On February 2nd, 2013 joycake said:
Nail clippers... me too. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, be strong!
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On January 8th, 2013 Finallyfacingit said:
Hi everyone,
I was so glad to have found this forum, I have struggled with skin picking for years along with former self injurious behaviors and bipolar disorder, I've always thought that this wasn't a common issue and that it was just so weird that I didn't want to talk to anyone about it, not even my therapist. It's so comforting to find other people with the same issues. I know it's. problem and I know I need to deal with it, I just don't know how. I'm pretty sure that the picking is an extension of my bipolar and self mutilation. I've been able to not cut for months now but picking is so pervasive and sometimes so unconscious I'm incredibly frustrated. I've got all kinds of scars, but most can be hidden, not so much the holes in my face. As everyone else has said, any advice on successful solutions is appreciated, but moreover thanks for being here and being brutally honest. You're all an inspiration. Thanks for the push to admit things.
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On January 24th, 2013 goal orientated said:
Hi. Exfoliating will lower them x
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On January 7th, 2013 Lizzy523 said:
I thought I was the only 1 in the world! I spend literally hours of the day searching my face for anythg tiny I see and make huge holes In my face :( sometimes il spend up ta four hours in the mirror picking my face till is one big mess! I tried covering up my mirrors and everything! And now I'm worried about all the big pores iv made if they will ever be able to be fixed or are they permant scars :(
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On December 15th, 2012 sitting on my hands said:
I started picking my face when I started to realize that I was gay (but wasn't ready to admit it to anyone, not even me). It became a way for me to excuse my anti-social behavior and I could tell myself that I didn't want to go to the bars with my friends to meet guys because I was self-conscious about my face, it was the perfect excuse as to why I didn't date--I convinced myself that everyone would find me hideous and I could put the dating issue on the back burner until my skin "got" better. I told myself that when my skin cleared I'd try to meet guys and eventually find one I liked. But I just kept picking and making it worse, and I never had to confront the fact that I had ZERO desire to meet and date guys.
I'm so far past that (out and happy and dating the perfect girl!) and want so much to get past this time in my life! But now it's an addiction, I pick at it without realizing it and I can't look in the mirror without finding things to poke, pop, honestly my skin isn't bad at all, not oily, not acne prone, just dotted with lesions that I've made. But I'm committed to stopping. I'm giving myself permission to not go cold turkey because if I freak out over a laps I don't want to become discouraged. But I'm trying to stop my addiction to putting harsh products on my face (which doesn't need them!) and above all, touching my face with my fingers. phew! off we go.
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On December 14th, 2012 uglywidow said:
I have always picked my face over the years. It really got bad when my husband was told he had cancer. Now I am picking my arms ,legs any place I can find a bump. MY husband has been gone a year now and some of the marks that were there a year ago are still not healed. My son is so up set with me. He says he wants his pretty Mom back, He is always putting band aids on my face. My sister had me get on this web site, to see if there is any one that can give me advice.She also had me cut all my finger nails off and give her all my good picking tools. I just want to heal in my heart from the loss of my husband... and my skin.
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On December 15th, 2012 sitting on my hands said:
Look. Start small. Next to my computer I have a pad of paper. Every hour that passes where I don't pick, I get a tally mark. It seems impossibly small, but once it becomes normal for hours and hours to pass, soon they turn into days. Seeing a row of tallies all together makes me not want to mess up and pick. Remind yourself of all the reasons that you want this. Another trick to calm my nerves is cutting band-aids into smaller bits and putting aloe, vitamin E or neosporin over my spots and putting the band-aid on top. Then when I look in the mirror I see only the clear beautiful skin as the spots are hidden from view. It makes me calm down about my skin's condition.
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On December 8th, 2012 Acneexcoriee said:
My skin picking has been getting worse and worse over the past year or so. I am a 19 year old girl who suffered from horrible, horrible acne growing up. I finally, after countless other treatments, was put on accutane. That was years ago, and I still have small outbreaks of acne, but never to the extent of my pubescent years. I was recently diagnosed with social anxiety disorder and dysthymia. I am now on Zoloft for it. However, my acne picking has not improved at all. The moment i see/feel even a tiny pimple on my face, I pick and pick at it until it becomes a bleeding crater in my skin. After a day, or even several hours, it dries into a bloody scab. The moment I feel it, I pick at that too until it is nothing but a stinging, bleeding wound. Right now, there are about eight pretty bad spots on my face that have been there for weeks because I won't let them heal. Do I want them to heal? Words cannot even describe... I want them to go away. I want to stop. I am not satisfied until I pick until they bleed though... It doesn't look like i have acne anymore... It looks like I have some horrible form of chicken pox or the bubonic plague... It's horrible...
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On December 10th, 2012 goal orientated said:
Use savlon rapid healing cream. It is made to repair skin without allowing for scabs to be formed, and without such a heavy brown scar. It can be brought from chemists in London. X
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On December 7th, 2012 goal orientated said:
If you own some calamine and have experienced it working in the past, try it again. However, I think you should opt for a faster solution. I know we are not teenagers, but this works every time for my big days with spoilt skin. Buy 1-3 items and use them religiously today. Clearasil 4 hour spot treatment is the main one now that the day has arrived and I didn't catch this issue earlier. Rub it in, and keep it in your handbag. Also, if you need to spend the night with him, wash your face with clearasil ULTRA night face wash. It is dark blue and works so fast! Or use it befooore the party if it is at night time. You can purchase the light blue daytime clearasil ULTRA 12 hour wash too as the three items work in harmony, but you'll most probably use this last item after the date in the morning for general maintenance. For now, focus on the 4 hour treatment if this regime is a bit much. I know it sounds like items targetted for teenage skin, but it is a Godsend, trust me due to so much salicylic acid and redness calming agents. Good luck. X
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On December 8th, 2012 Acneexcoriee said:
There are some pretty good over the counter scar lotions out there. They are usually clear gels, so no one can tell if you rub it in over the scars. I put gel on all of my scars every night before bed and when I wake up in the morning.
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On December 3rd, 2012 OurPeaceableKin... said:
Just going to butt in here very quickly. :) I'm new to this site but I can't tell you haw much it means to me to know that I am not the only one that has problems with picking their face. I found that I end up making a tiny, nearly non-existent spot into a big blotchy red spot! I just got into highschool an am very self conxious becuase I am havin to make new friends. I naturally have normal skin with the random spots popping up because I'm a teenager with raging hormones. Something I noticed that really helped my acne was drinking ridiculous amounts of water. Most people don't want to drink that much water because they just dont feel like water, so instead they drink coffee or something. You can always make it tea, or add a light flavoring to if. I just add a bit o lemon juice and it works wonders for my skin! It's so much less dry and it heals quickly. I also take insane Mounts of vitamin c, vitamin e, and Zync because tht makes your skin heal faster. I also find that washing your hand thoroughly REALLY helps. I hav dogs and my dog rolls in weird stuff in my backyard, and then I pet her and kiss her and cuddle her and that may be why I get random acne...ewwy. So wash your hands! Orange juice also has a ton of vitamin c btw. You can also drink some cranberry juice which helps get rid of the nasty chemicals and stuff. Sometimes those show up on your face. I apologize for the excessively long message! Hope this helped and stay strong for not only everyone who has posted saying they admire you, but mostly for YOURSELF! :)
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On December 7th, 2012 goal orientated said:
Yes. With each patch of clear skin, confidence returns about our self-image i.e. beauty. X
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On November 23rd, 2012 hope2heal said:
Only to you love. It probably looks fine to everyone else. Well done for not picking, treat yourself to something nice, e.g. a face mask or massage :-)
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On December 5th, 2012 goal orientated said:
I love the way you continue counting no picking days even when you have touched your skin lightly - i should give myself some leaverage too. I have this disheartening response, and then go back to day one. What encourages you to view it as non picking? X
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On November 20th, 2012 hope2heal said:
Wow, good job. Wish i could go 14 hours without picking. Admire your spirit soembarrassed. xoxo
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On November 18th, 2012 Ihatethis said:
I'm 38 and have picked since I was in my teens. The only thing that helps me stop us fake nails. I guess because it doesn't give me the same satisfaction or feeling as picking with my nails. I took them off because I got fungus and my face, back and legs are horrible. Don't even want to go out shopping and dread going to work tomorrow.
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On December 7th, 2012 goal orientated said:
Hi lovely! How are you coping with the man issue at present? Hope he is a distant memory, and you do not attend his wedding as his 'mate' because no one wants you to cave in that night when he is carefree, and you have worked so hard. I have noticed you have succeeded with many non-picking days ever since i.e a fresh start. We are all proud of you and wish we were that successful x
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On November 17th, 2012 SpottyFace said:
Hey Sweetgirl!! I'm so sorry about that news...but really...you deserve someone who is devoted only to YOU!!!! I can tell just by your kind advice and responses that you are a fabulous girl and you deserve so much better!! Don't let that guy, who isn't even worthy of you, cause you to relapse! You are welcome to email me anytime!.. almorgan99@yahoo.com
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On November 15th, 2012 hope2heal said:
Soembarrassed I am so amazed you've managed to go 9 days without picking. I struggle to go 9 minutes! I'm going to venture some comments on the above but please understand there is no judgement here... Firstly, it sound like this guy is a total **** (insert appropriate swearword here). If a relationship is meant to be built on trust, imagine sleeping with 2 people and then deciding to make one of the women you've been deceiving your wife! Ew. Secondly, please don't think that he is choosing her over you- sounds like you've had a lucky escape! And i'm 100% convinced it has nothing to do with your skin. More likely she's a "safe" option as probably doesn't have your inner strength and is happy to be a doormat to someone like that. Thirdly, why would you continue to see someone knowing that he's two timing you? That can't be good for your self esteem. I think you deserve much much better than that.
Finally, try not to relapse but if you do, forgive yourself. Stay strong and do the best you can. sending you lots of healing thoughts. xoxo
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On November 16th, 2012 hope2heal said:
Well done super strong lady. I'm attempting to keep a visual diary of my progress by drawing diagrams of my face each day and marking the blemishes and number of pick-free days. I've managed to go 2-3 days without picking my forehead or cheek, but i have two holes on my chin which are causing me problems. They heal over a tiny but and then i keep digging them out again! I've no idea why. If i can go just one day without picking it would be amazing, so you are doing incredibly well.
Hold your head up high now. xoxo
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On November 14th, 2012 SpottyFace said:
Hey girl! Glad to hear that you are feeling and looking better!! I know from past experiences and scars that I was soooo depressed over, that I can't even see anymore..(and if I can't see them....) Bet it won't take that long!..Keep it going!
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On November 12th, 2012 SpottyFace said:
And each day it will get better and better!! I read somewhere that it takes 40 days for the skin to regenerate itself. Each time you decide not to pick, you are one step closer...
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On November 12th, 2012 goal orientated said:
40 days? Myyy God!
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