Posted August 27th, 2012 by HippieWitch
my story: i don't even know when it started.. i think it's been about 2 years now that i have done this. It started with one little scab on my scalp for whatever reason it got there i don't know. Anyway; now i have anywhere between 9-10 areas on my scalp that are sore right now. I pick the scab and make my head bleed (i just picked one as i was typing this) Bad i know but it started to twinge and when it twinges it's like it tells me to relieve the ouch by picking more. (weird i know) but that's what it does. When i do pick there is a ritual to how it is to be done.. i find a hard one (healed scab) and begin picking it until i have managed to break it free from my scalp and then i manage to pull it down through my hair until i look at it and examine it and then i eat it. (gross i know) but it is what i do. After i eat the scab or as i am chewing on it; i then go back to the place where i just picked and feel around my head with my finger until i feel a wet spot which means i have made it bleed and i massage the area with my finger (which feels really good by the way) all the while my finger is getting bloody i take my hand out of my hair and examine the blood on my finger and i begin to lick the blood off my finger (there isn't allot) and then i go back to the same spot to feel it out and sometimes i will look at my spot in the mirror to see where my hair is bloody. And this one time i lost the scab in my hair and i panicked - i didn't pull it out all the way and then it got lost in my hair and i couldn't find it again until i ran my fingers through my hair waiting on my fingers to feel a bump in my hair shaft and then i am 'i found it' and then pull it out and eat it and one time it fell on my shirt and i looked all over my shirt until i spotted it and one time it fell on the ground and i actually found the scab; picked it up and examined it but that time i didn't eat it - but i did examine it. (i am weird; i know) I don't like that i do this and my hubby and family members all just tell me to "stop it" and yea; like that works - sometimes it makes me want to pick even more just cause they told me to stop it. Sometimes my whole head is either so sore or is bleeding from all the places i have picked - at night while i lay in bed is the worse. I have tried wearing a do rag hair thing at night so i won't pick but usually i say F-it and throw the hat on the floor and start picking. During the day since i don't work if i am not doing something productive i will pick till i almost have to sit on my hands... but that doesn't work either. i have also started pulling out the hairs around the scab area that i pick cause the hairs start to blend in with the scab while it is growing back and then my hair starts to hurt - so i pull it out. So that's another ailment that i am having - so it is scab picking and hair pulling. I really want to stop doing this so bad.. and i am so glad that there is other people out there that do what i do cause i am always thinking that i am alone in this. i have tried wearing cute funky hats to distract me from having my hands go to my scalp but living in texas it is so dang hot that when wearing the hats it makes my head sweat and makes my scabbies hurt more. So i basically have given up that too.. it is so damn hard stopping.. i tell myself nice affirmations about my hair and scalp like - 'my hair is beautiful and strong' & 'my scalp is pure and healthy' but if i don't say it often enough; the affirmations don't help either.. and i am at my wit's end and am tired of hearing people tell me 'leave your hair alone or you will go bald' my hair is getting thin in the scabbie places and it's starting to affect my self esteem (well my self esteem wasn't great to begin with but that's another story) so yea. thanks 4 reading if u got this far... some of the people closest to me don't know the extreem of how my scalp and hair issues really are.. thanks 4 offering tips to help me overcome this and also thanks 4 being out there to know i am not alone!