I'm a nineteen year old female from Wales in the United Kingdom. And i've come to the point where i'm just so fed-up of picking pimples that don't really need picking on my face, neck, scalp and body. Which has turned into an uncontrollable 24/7 obsession..that i just can't seem to get out of.
I have been doing this habit for around 8 to 9 years. And I feel the problem had become worse in the past few months. Especially since i've just started university. But the picking has become so bad recently that i feel i can't face public/or my friends. I feel everytime i go out i have to religiously cover up my wounds/scabs on my face with concelor/foundation. And I'm just sick of having to spend ages every morning before i go out to cover up the scabs on my face(and other parts of the body that are visible). It just looks horroble and unsightly. When I know deep down if i left my skin alone and didn't pick these pimples than my skin would be near to perfect. It's just making my feel really ugly and unattractive, when i am not that in any way-i know infact that i'm a good looking girl but seem to destroying any prospects that could improve my looks. I don't have acne. Just little bumps and pimples...which are completely un-noticibe to others...but to me i feel i need to pick them until it becomes a disgusting and sore, red wound, which was not infact that in the first place. I can't stop until I have succeded in popping something out. And once i've done one i keep going until i've popped every single one i see in sight. And afterwards i feel truely disgusted with myself. But while i'm doing it i seem to be doing it in an unconsious manner..and just can't stop it. Like i'm in a trance of somekind. And it looks just so unattractive and is really bringing my self-esteem and confidence down(more so than ever before). I seem to be avoiding all sorts of social occassions just because I am too afraid/ ashamed to show my concelored-covered face. People and my friends are bound to wonder why I cover my face up in thick concelor all the time. I don't want to have to keep wearing it. And in effect the makup is probably making the wound even worse and irritatiing it.
But when in the evening- when i get home i just re-pick the scabs that have formed during the day and come across new pimples that have formed and the cycle begins all over again. Making me feel awful and unable to face others and hide in my room all day. And just lately because its been the christmas holidays i haven't been out the house hardly at all. I've been hiding away from everyone, just because of the state the skin on my face is. Which i've tried not pick. (giving it a chance to heal by staying in at home)...but somehow doesn't work and find myself picking all over again...without me even realising i'm doing again. It's just ruining my confidence and i feel i'm constantly running away from letting people get to know the real me. I have lots of friends. But hardly any close ones, all becuase i make a conscious effort not to get to close to them because of how my skin looks. I'm also considering quitting univeristy because i can't handle to being in the close presence of others and can't handle the stress of the workload. But when I am home with my family I feel I am safe and I can do it...without anyone noticing..because i can stay at home all day without being in the public. And can just easily hide at home. But it's destroying me. I just want to overcome this for good. Does anyone out there know any possible strategies that can maybe help me stop this habit once and for all? ..So i can get on with my life and look forward to a positve and happy future.