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November 02, 2009

Please do not hate yourself! Please! Even with the scars you are already beautiful. I have also many scars from 18 years of picking. I also hate myself when I pick and demolish my face. Yet somehow I keep telling myself I am learning to deal with this. I will eventually find strength to quit. Just try to look as less as possible in the mirror. If I have to look I just look from 1 miter distance. Second just keep telling yourself that you are beautiful. We all are beautiful, very unique creatures. World would be boring if everybody was looking like a superstar. I used to put so much make up on. Even have my hair all over my face. I just could not face myself. 4 day ago I had yet another terrible picking session for 3 or 4 hours. But I found somehow the courage to calm down myself, and to tell myself that I can do it! And you can do it. And I also pulled all my hair back and no more make up. I said no more. Make up on the scars looks so disgusting. I thing I cover stuff but I end up looking like a Chinese doll. I told myself it is important what I think about myself, not what other people think. I just want to be free and accept myself just the way I am, with all the issues I have. I can just start living, day by day. My face is with scars and red spots which will take months to fade. But I do not care. I love it. So what if I have a spot. Yes my scars are bad, but I was learning to live. It took me 18 years to find strength and I hope I will continue like that, just day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. And you know suddenly my husband told me that I am beautiful, that I look so nice without all that make up. Just believe in yourself, just try to find a kind word for yourself. You are beautiful! I believe in you!
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November 02, 2009

I quit wearing make-up as well. I did it mostly for religious purposes but I find I pick less if I don't have any means to "cover up" the damage. It's better for your skin anyway.
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November 02, 2009

I also feel so free that I do not have to spend hours covering my face up and covering my scars and scabs. I figured out that people see them anyway. So why cover? I was covering from myself. I was just afraid to be myself. But I am also tired to act and pretend that I am somebody which I am not. I know how hard is to overcome self-hatred. I guess just try imagining that you do not hate yourself anymore. Try to close your eyes and just relax. I do this 2 times per day for 5 mins. The key is not to overdo it. Just little by little. And look in the mirror as less as possible. Today is day 5 without picking for me. I just take it day by day, hour by hour. I ask God to help me not to pick every day. And thank God for helping me to go through the day without picking and facing the reality which is not that bad as I thought. After so many years of picking I think I learned a valuable lesson. I am much more tolerant and understandable to people with addictions. They go through similar issues as I do. I also look carefully around me and notice so much care and love for me. Even this website! I was almost thinking to join alcoholics anonymous. But so far this website helps. It helps so much to know that you are not alone. I tried to quit so many times. Every time I go back I hate myself so much. But the thing is I am so determined to quit that I will not give up. I will go to the bottom of the problem but I will not give up. Even if I fail, I will start again. I have deep fears, anxiety and poor self esteem behind picking. It is time to face them and take care of them. Little by little. I do it myself. I try positive thinking. It is hard. But it took me decades to develop negative thinking, so it may take decades to completely change the way I look at the world and myself. But day by day I can do it. And you can do it! Just tell yourself that you do your best today. As much as you can. It is your best. This thought calms down my inner critic. And guess what you are already doing your best. You are beautiful just the way you are! Thank you for your support! Cheers
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November 02, 2009

It is very difficult to see myself as being beautiful as I also suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder so I just hate what I see and the scarring make me feel even worse, it's a vicious circle which I just wish would stop. After my bad picking session yesterday I have decided to try and not pick for a while as my cheeks are looking red & sore and starting to get infected. Thanks you for your support though & your husband is right you are beautiful.