Skin picking and sexual abuse

Hi, i am a 45 year old woman and I have been tearing, picking, scratching, pulling and eating the skin on my feet since 2003. This was after a rape. I was also sexually abused by my grandfather when I was between 12 and 16. The rape re-opened old emotional wounds. I made the decision to disclose the incest to my family. The reaction from most of my family was to turn against me and this was both a shock to me and a terrible blow, which served to further reinforce my feelings of betrayal and worthlessness. To this day all the aunts, uncles and cousins on my father"s side do not speak to me and have dismissed me as being mad and hysterical. Following this a tide of self loathing engulfed me. I think this is why I sit in a trance- like state, mutilating my feet into bloodied ribbons of skin. It is the ultimate example of wearing a 'game face' to the world whilst beneath the surface is emotional pain and turmoil which I can't share with anyone else. I think my feelings of self loathing and self blame come from sexual violence experiences as a child and an adult. Skin picking is my outlet but it is also my curse. I am on anti depressants and my gp put me on a waiting list for CBT. I just can"t stop. I really really wish I could. Thanks for reading. First time posting. Love and strength to all other skin warriors. xxx