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So I thought I was done with picking but I found myself tearing up my shoulders again last night so I guess that's why I'm here. I've always been really anxious, since I was a kid, and started to pick I think after I stopped cutting at the end of middle school. It started at my face, and then my shoulders because I was embarrassed of having my face being seen. Then I migrated to my breasts after joining swim team because my shoulders could be seen when I wore a swimsuit. I've always had bad acne, and I've always been self conscious, being taller then most girls. I thought maybe I was trying to widdle away myself, to be smaller. I suffered a horrible breast infection after a while, got very sick and had to go to the hospital and have it drained with a needle. I of course lied to my parents, telling them that It was the acne that caused it, after that I've had another minor one since, and alot of scars. The scars, they fade you know, after a while? Of course they never completely go away but they do fade. I've gone almost a year now with my skin healed, at least until now. It's one of the most wonderful feelings, not having to worry about being hurt or weather your clothes are to tight or show too much. I would fret endlessly about my wounds, horrified of getting another infection, yet apparently not so horrified to stop picking. The anxiety and discomfort would make me sweat, I went through so many failed home remedies and acne treatments in secret. I would loose sleep staying up all night with an ice pack and a jar of honey, hoping that with that I could finally heal, I could finally be normal and stop hiding away. My arms were stiff at my sides then to hide my nervous sweating, I was always on edge and always in pain, wearing the same clothes over and over to hide my shoulders.I painted them with makeup before my prom I remember, it didn't help much, just left dark marks instead of red. I used to cut my nails down to the skin to try to keep myself from getting hurt but that only did so much. I'm tired you know, of hiding. Tired of being anxious, tired of lying. My shoulders are a mess, that's a month down the drain in one night. I was afraid before of writing anything here. I think that I've noticed something though, during those few months that I spent healed, because I could never stop thinking about picking. I realized that I want to heal, more then anything else right now, that I want to be healthy, but to do that I need help, I can't do this on my own and no one else can do this on their own either, so I joined this forum. I hope I can find some support here, and perhaps be some support for those in darker times then me.