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Hello, I am new, but not half as embarrassed as I am glad, or relieved to have found this site. What finally prompted me today, was another big, blowout tearful fight between my spouse and myself. I am a 54 year old man, married 36 years to a wonderful female who cares enough to climb up, down and all over my back like a rabid badger. I mean no disrespectful or sarcastic humor by the username I have chosen- i feel like I look just like a Nightmare on Elm Street- skin like Freddy Krueger. I started picking on my arms to begin with, 5 years ago. Since then, when I began, i haven't stopped. I spend hours in the bathroom mirror, any time of the day or night when or if I get up to use the bathroom. I targeted blackheads and pimples, but i have never had acne problems, God blessed me with beautiful, smooth skin, but it is ruined now, permanently scarred with ugly spots, colored ranging from red to dark purple or blue. They will not go away, the ones i first began gouging out, have not gone away. Now, my entire body is covered, chest, neck, face, ( some people look at me like i have "Meth-face"-even though I have never touched meth or any illegal drug ). My legs are awful as well. I used to love swimming at the local aquatic pool- that is now gone forever. I would never endure the hot summers here where we live without wearing shorts- that is risky now. I look into the mirror, and back in time as well..through all the other hurdles I endured. I wonder looking at my face in the reflection, why my 'faith in God' can't help me, oh screw it! If i didn't believe from my religion that my eternal soul would suffer from doing so, I would have comitted suicide a long time ago...I don't have the guts!..but sometimes i would really like to...i screw up everything in life! Now, i really have something to show for it! So much S_____over the last 4 yers. screwing with my mind!..sorry, i am selfish going on over me me me.....I know i am not alone and so many of you suffer. I cry at the drop of a hat...wear my emotions on my sleeve...and I am a grown man. what is wrong with me? or...what ISN"T ?