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jessy , 03 Dec 2007

cant stop picking my face

hi everyone, i'm totally hopeless. i have this problem that i'm picking on the pimples and the dark spots on my face and its stronger than me. i just have to do it i dont know what to do. my face looks like a car wreck and as soon as it gets any better i start all over again. i dont understand anything anymore.
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Freeme
June 10, 2009
Hiya, I am 38 and have a 3 year old son. I have been bulimic in the past (won that battle too!) I lived with a worring, nervous and emotional illiterate mother and a very overpowering aggressive father (a grouch if you like!). I can identify with you wholeheartedly. I too have the constant stress of being made-up. My relationship broke down when my son was born, unfortunately I picked a wrong one, so I am currently single, so although I don't have a presence in my home that I have to hide from (I feel for you on that score - deeply! Although, are you sure that he would mind so much? Could you try to be naked faced for him? I don't know, maybe this could help you break the shame cycle?) I have the same issue in my every day life and I fear I will not be able to find a partner because of how this behaviour has affected me. I totally understand that feeling of not wanting to be seen without make-up. That someone would stop loving you or fancying you if they saw it. It's exhausting isn't it? I have a close male friend, who unfortunately I cannot fancy, I wish I could because he is a great guy and friend. However, I have discussed my problems with him and have been brave enough to let him see my un made up face. He certainly did not recoil in horror and he still claims to love me! I know this is scary. I hope that you are able to stop the anxiety this situation causes. Yes you can stop it. I think this forum is fantastic for making us aware of each other and our shared experiences. This behaviour is a habit as powerful as the urge to smoke for smokers and not to be taken lightly, it is about breaking the habit, forgiving ourselves and being able to appreciate ourselves more. We have enormous amounts of power. I am now facing up to this as a condition. I am seeking help to address my past. I wish you all the best of luck in beating this too. Happy to talk again. L x
KASP
May 09, 2009
I'm desperate for help! I have been picking my face since I was 12 years old and I am now 20. I want so deeply to stop and I just can't. I have tried everything I can possibly think of and nothing has held me off longer than a month. It makes me sick to think that I do this to myself. There are milions of people around the word with worries much worse than mine, terrible tragedies they have no control over, and here I am, day in and day out causing my own misery. I have always believed (or rather convinced other people) that I was a strong and confident individual, but I can no longer say that this is true (I cant even fake it anymore). In fact, I have a hard time even leaving the house. In short, I have, gradually over the course of the past 8 years destroyed myself and my life. I have never communicated my problems with picking to anyone, not even my closest family members, whom know of my disgusting habit only by the results shown on my face. This is by far the most critical point I have yet to reach, and I am scared to death of what my life is sure to become if I fail to control this once and for all. I have consider many many times of seeking out help, through books or therapists, but I am so ashamed of myself, that I decided not to go through with seeing a specialist. I therapise myself enough, I figure theres isnt much left to say that I havn't told myself. I long ago believed that this was an adolescent stage I would obviously grow out of, but to my horror it has grown with me and become a more horrible concept than I ever could have imagined. As I matured, so did my picking habit. I have forced it from my mind for so long that, now, standing here for the first time truly facing it, I've realized the magnitude of my situation. I have slowly but surely created an addiction for myself. Coming from a family riddled with drug and alcohol addicts, I am no stranger to the danger of substance abuse and have always strayed from those things. And now, despite my efforts to avoid these more obvious dangers, I'm faced now with an addiction I could have never seen coming. I am a prisoner within my own mind. Every piece of my existance now revolves around this addiction of picking my face without mercy. I have slowly cut off contact with friends, as I pick more and more frequently I am never in a state I wish to socialize in. Once a national soccer player, I've quit. A student in high school not long ago, I barely graduated, as I missed such a large amount of school, and now I am a student in university, starting my education for a brand new career and what I hoped and prayed would be a new life for me, I'm on the brink of expulsion due to too many missed classes, guess why?!? Looking back on my teens, a time that should have been joyous and full of memories I'll always cherish, I am deeply saddened as I reaize how much I have missed. Nights out, trips with friends, even graduation. I attended but when I think back on it, I think only of how miserable I remember being as I was forced to cake my face with makeup to cover what I truly looked like. I felt like a disgusting disfigured human being, amongst a hundred beautiful princesses, I find myself looking back with hatred. Hatred toward all of those girls with beautifully smooth, radiant, flawless skin. Skin is a concept that has never and will never enter the minds of those girls, and yet to me it is the most constant idea. I even dream about it now. Like many of you, it does give me a small amount of hope and peace, in knowing that there are other people who are experiencing the same thing I am. The exact same thing in fact. In reading all of your comments I was in tears. I have truly given up. I have a very serious problem, and it has becomed deeper and more complex than you can imagine. Most of the time I can't even keep up with myself, and yet your all here, and word for word, as if it's coming from my own thoughts, you have expressed everything I'm facing. Thank you all for that. Well. I don't have much else I can really say. Thank god I know, nothing short of a novel is what I've written here. The only thing left to say, or rather ask, is that if you read this and you can understand the pain I'm feeling (causing), please respond. I need all the help I can get.
matrik
June 07, 2009
i have been going through the same exact thing as everyone else on this site, I'm 22 years old and this addiction has ruined my college life. it makes me sad to know that so many other people have experienced this. if ANYONE wants someone to talk to send me an email at fearless42@hotmail.com or message me on aim because i have picked my face tonight and will not leave my room.... matric87 Ive never talked to anyone about this awful problem, i think it will help to talk to someone.
Freeme
June 10, 2009
Hiya Matrik, Reading your message took me back to my own college days. Days I would sit for ours picking at my face in the mirror. I lost a lot of time at college, often off for weeks at a time. I can identify so much with you and feel deeply for you and send you lots of love and hope. Try to understand that you are not alone, you are not a freak and you are not a fool. You can stop this and there is help out there. You have no doubt being berating yourself and your self esteem is on the floor. Is it effecting friendships and your work? Are you behind in college or have you quit? What are you studying? Questions questions. I am just interested! You need to realise that you are lovable and this is not your fault. Put your head up high and fight this feeling. When it pops up and you feel yourself going to the mirror. DO SOMETHING ELSE. If needs be scribble over paper, cut up paper, have a bath and read a book. Keep trying to distract yourself. Also, even though the pain of what you are doing is intense and keeps you in for days at a time. Your skin heals again and you can try and forget that you do it and there is no evidence to the world. Let me tell you that once you get older your skin will not repair as well and I do not wish for you to have the intense experiences I now have because of the condition of my skin. You can talk to fellow sufferers, you can get help, you can try diversion tactics. YOU CAN STOP. I looked at a youtube clip yesterday that may help you. If you google skin picking on youtube you will find video clips. You have an advantage. You are young and you know you are not alone. I wish you huge amounts of strength and love. L x
matrik
June 24, 2009
Hello Freeme! First of all, thank you very much for your kind, thoughtful , and inspiring response! While i hate making excuses for dropping out of college, this certainly played a huge part in me dropping out. I couldn't even go to my classes. There were days where i would literally be bleeding from my face, and i would have to use band aides to cover my face, it was horrible. My friends never even made a big deal about this skin picking problem, I was the only one that made it a problem, and distanced myself from a lot of my friends. I am now starting to rebuild some of those friendships. I even had a beautiful girlfriend that loved me, but the emotional embarrassment of my face killed me inside, and i eventually ended the relationship. thankfully, managed to keep a job in health care, working on a ambulance, and in a hospital, it made me feel great to help other people. It kills me to know that all of these problems i created myself. Thankfully, i re enrolled in college a month ago, and am doing very well in my classes, for the first time since middle school..... I will be studying biology and hope to one day become a doctor. I wish there was a easy cure out there for all of us, but it will be an everyday struggle. I wish no one ever had to go through the suffering i have been through. My only concern right now is the future. We can learn from our mistakes in the past. I truly believe everything happens for a reason......as strange as it sounds, this could be a blessing in disguise for me. I like who i am today, and have hope for the future. Best of luck for everyone out there.
Freeme
June 09, 2009
Hello, I am 38 and have been doing this awful frustrating deed since I was a teenager. I have watched the slow decline of my complexion and share your pain. It is so bizarre to be an intelligent human being with such destructive tendencies. This in itself creates an anguish as I think, "God, am I mad or something? Why am I doing this?" I get so angry with myself and wish so hard I had never started. Of course this only heightens the sadness as there is no magic cure! I think I had worries about my appearance when I was a lot younger only because I knew what I was doing and knew that I had created the red marks and enlarged pores (that others probably didn't even notice or would accept as simply a spot, nothing in that, we all get them!) However when I look back now I realise that it wasn't so bad! Now however is a very different story. I wish you all the luck in the world as I feel many of "us" will (oh the reassurance of finding others, I have only this week been made aware of this condition!) in finding ways to stop. I would be happy to chat more with you if you would like. I very rarely pick anymore but I am always aware of my appearance and it affects my personal life immeasurably. It is sooooo tiring. Social situations are avoided regularly and as I am single I become quite sad about never being in a relationship because if I dislike the way I look and feel unhappy about it most of the time then who in the hell would want to be with me? This is compounded because as a personality I am great company, witty, creative, fun loving and caring. This condition debilitates me and strips away all that is fun and light about me. It will be good to be here and to talk about this and share experiences as I am sure I am amongst friends. I don't believe we are mad, for all it makes us feel this way. I think we are sensitive individuals who have been let down by people who should have shown they cared for us. I start counselling to try and sort out the deeper route causes of my periods of stress that led me to this condition and also I hope to combat the shame attached to self destructive behaviour. I would welcome a friend here if any of you are willing. I hope to find strength and a common goal, along the lines of "feeling the fear and doing it anyway". Maybe we could come up with our own slogan? We may display our problems for the world to see and we may feel ashamed of ourselves for doing so but does that make us bad people? No. I don't know about you all out there but I am actually a very good person, would do anything for anybody and care a great deal about the feelings of others. Social situations stress me out the most when I am feeling ashamed of myself and therefore very upset. This is because I cannot meet other peoples eyes. I walk with my head down and do not say hello or speak at all sometimes. I can only feel desparate about getting from one place to another. This makes the situation much worse and more intense. People respond to your body language and actions much more than your appearance. On my good days I can see this. So that it what I am currently working on. It's tough though! It would seem I am writing a book! I shall stop now and await a response. I feel for all suffereres. We can fight back though can't we?
sweetpea36
June 09, 2009
Hi Freeme Am also 38 ... I've been doing this for 25+ years but only discovered that it was a disorder 6 months ago. I never gave it much thought. As I read the info I'm astounded at all the different elements of this that I do - a bit depressing actually. I found it quite a relief to know that I'm not the only one in the world that copes in this way. But it's quite sad to know that so many us have to resort to self inflicted pain to cope with our stressful situations. It shouldn't have to be like this (my favourite quote .. from The Grand Canyon with Danny Glover and Kevin Kline). Well hang in there ... reading some of the chats I despair that I'll ever overcome this - partly cos I hear the desperation and frustration in the chats and partly because some of us have been doing it for 25+ years ... is it possible to unlearn these coping mechanism and replace it with a healthy (safer) alternative. Must be. So I too am just beginning this voyage of discovery. Sorry if I sound a bit depressed / down hearted. I suspect we'll go through many mood changes as we work our way through this. Take care, think happy thoughts (dunno .. does that help?) S
Freeme
June 10, 2009
Hiya Sweetpea, No it shouldn't have to be like this! I wish I had known their were fellow sufferers years ago! Still, better late than never. You didn't sound depressed or down hearted but if you're having the same range of feelings as me then I guess at times you feel very much like that. Oh, and never apologise for it anyway. I think that is half the problem with us sufferers. Why do we, why should we apologise for having our emotions? It is for this reason I believe we turn in on ourselves. If we were better able to express our emotions without fear of judgement then maybe we wouldn't have so many of our feelings locked up inside us and causing us so much harm. Have you tried counselling to better understand the reasons behind the behaviour? I believe this is where the problem lies. We need to treat the cause before the symptoms! As I said before, part of my healing has to do with forgiveness for what I did and accepting my appearance. Do you have insecurities around your appearance also? Thanks for replying. Good luck with your journey. Would you like to be friends and maybe share any thoughts/feelings along our journey? Only if it helps. Take care L x
heath2234
May 21, 2009
i have the same problem, and its really getting me down because ive seen how good my skin can look when i stop picking, but then i just start again and can't stop. im 13 and everytime i pick my spots, i tell myself that im weak because im letting it control me, but i cant stop picking, some-one PLEASE e-mail me with help and advice, im trying to get into acting, but this i holding me back hugely. Please help me. heather952@hotmail.com
kricket
May 24, 2009
Hello Fellow Facepickers: I am 45 and have been picking for about 3 years now. I've had some sort of fidgety obsession for as long as I can remember. It was usually biting my fingers or picking lint and rolling it into balls (how weird!). I remember crying as a kid because my dad pulled a "pickey" off the arm of my housecoat. I try now to use a pickey instead of picking my face, scalp or legs but I still can't resist. Hours are wasted!! So many people "scold me" about it all the time. Most have given up. My family persists though, even though they have a similar obsession as well. It definitely runs in my family. I believe I have OCD because it is so compulsive and obsessive. Like many of you, I go into a trance like state which feels safe to me. I have oily skin but good skin, except for my chin that I can't stop touching. I take anxiety meds but it hasn't helped so far. Hypnosis and acupuncture hasn't either. I started plucking my chin when my mother came to visit me after my one and only child was born five years ago. She brought her magnifying mirror to Florida from Maine and plucked her chin hairs each night. I started doing the same, then blemishes or ingrowns would come; I would push and pick at them (several times I had hard infected bumps that required antibiotics). I make faces and look disgusting but I can't stop. I know I suffer from low self esteem and depression (another family trait) but making myself ugly seems to make me feel better. Most people don't understand that but I know most of you do. My husband has given up on saying anything but I still try to hide it from him. I bought a self-help workbook but I haven't finished doing all the "self work" yet. I keep telling myself to do it but I'd rather pick. The same with crocheting. I wish I knew a surefire way to be cured!! I haven't given up on hope but I haven't stopped or let up on picking yet either. I don't want my son to remember me as picking all the time. I wish I could bite my fingernails instead or something but it's not as satisfying. I believe it is a way for me to escape my world; to become numb to the rest of the world. When I read the yarn Pickey I have is enough but that's the only time. I wish TWEEZERS were never invented. I must have at least 12 of them!!! Take care everyone and let us know if you find a way to STOP!
icantstopeither
May 26, 2009
.............omg, I have been picking my face for over 5 years. I am 58 years old and I won't bother you with specifics, as you already know how I feel. I have found a few tips to help me and I wanted to pass them along. First, I have my nails done professionally and I find that I am unable to grasp the thin dead skin with the enhanced nails (I have silk overlay). My nails look fabulous but my face still suffers a little so I use Aquaphor to soften the dead skin. The combination helps but does not prevent me from picking. I have just discovered that this bad habit is considered a form of OCD and I was happy to find the site, however, unhappy to realize that so many of us suffer from this humilating condition. My husband is constantly slapping my hand! Hopefully some of you can benefit from the tips that I am passing along. If you have found something that has helped you, please pass along!
aedynholly
June 07, 2009
I'm so glad to know that I'm not alone...I'm almost nineteen and I've been picking at my face since I was about ten. I have these horrible brown acne scars all over my face, neck, chest, and back that make it nearly impossible to wear swimsuits or low cut shirts without feeling completely hideous and self-conscious. If anyone finds a way to quit, please let me know!
2133Davis
June 10, 2009
im unusual in that i'm a guy that has this problem and i'm in my twenties. i've had the problem for 4 or 5 years now but not as bad as some people. i pick maybe 2 days outta the week, 3 on a bad week, but those couple of days ruin my face and can keep me from going any where for weeks. i actually dropped out of college because of it. i'd just feel like i looked to bad to go out. i've lost friends because of it, canceling get togethers for various lame reasons just cause i felt bad about my face. i had gone nearly a week without picking till last night. i couldn't sleep, and i ended up picking my face for a few hours, really not even realizing it. i got up and felt like shit knowing what i might see in the mirror, and sure enough most of my face was red. it has to be one of the most depressing conditions out there, i'm just lucky i have yet to have hardly any scaring from it. i feel for all you, cause i know how tough it is. my friends and family i do tell dont even believe it's a problem they just act like i'm an idiot that wants my skin to look bad or something. it's ruining my life every time i pick.
misslinz10
July 01, 2009
My mom thinks its just an excuse I make. I am not totally sure why she thinks I would WANT to do this to myself. My family thinks I can just quit with "will power." It is so frustrating when no one around you understands what you are going through. I have canceled many outings for the same reasons. I am never going to be able to have a real social life again if I don't stop.... but as we all know, I can't.
Pam
July 01, 2009
What do we do?? i cant go on doing this its destroying me and my life i need help...how do we stop this disgusting thing??

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