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magvillain , 09 Aug 2023

i pick but it doesn't seem like a compulsion

I don't know what to do at this point, I am 17 and have been picking for as long as I can remember. I thought it was pretty normal because I would just pick my scabs and even got excited when a scab looked good to pick and then I would eat it. I don't know why I eat it like It doesn't really taste good or do anything for me, I just do it. I am diagnosed with OCD but I feel like I'm lying to everyone and don't really have the issues they say I do. The issue with the picking and eating is that it doesn't feel compulsive I just do it. Whenever I see people talking about picking a lot of people talk about the internal struggle to resist the compulsion but I just dont experience that. I don't like that I pick my skin it doesn't even bring me joy for a second and whenever I feel like hey I'm going to stop that theres never a struggle, there's no internal conflict I just decide to do it anyways. This makes it really hard for me to explain to my friends and family who know (my face picking has gotten worse recently and I can't hide it anymore) because when they ask me about the urges I say I don't really feel an urge to do it but then they just get confused because why am I doing it then? They are not the only ones who are confused I want to know why I do it, I've had issues with pulling out my hair and eating the follicles in the past when i was in elementary school and various other similar things that all say they are compulsions but it's just so confusing to me because I am unable to really do anything when nobody understands the problem not even me. I find it's easier to just tell my therapist and parents that it is a compulsion that I can't fight but I'm totally lying I just don't want to know what people would think if I told them that I just do it for no reason and gain nothing from doing it. I also having told anyone about the eating part of picking because I really just eat whatever I pick and I am so ashamed of it. I thought I was normal because kids eat their boogers and scabs sometimes but at 17 it's crazy that I'm still doing this. I don't know what to do and I don't know if posting this will be helpful but I think if anyone could relate that would be nice I guess I don't know.

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