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i pick and pick and then i eat....
gosh am i glad to know that im not the only one around that does this...so i just found this site tonight and its such a relief, not like it makes it right to do what i do, but it makes me feel better. i have never told anyone about this, its my first time talkin about it and actually i never even realized i had a problem until tonight when i came across this site..
ok so im 21yrs old and looking back now that im aware that i have this gross habit, i think i have been doin it since i was like 13 or 14. i pick at everything, my scalp, dandruff, pimples, scabs, skin, boogers, and then most of the time i eat whatever its is that i was picking at. its disgusting, i dont realize im doin it at the moment im doin it and i dont know why i do it, but i do it all the time mostly at night like right before i fall asleep when im just laying down in bed i pick at my entire head, i pick at it so much, sometimes to the point where it bleeds and then a scab forms which i then pick at again and again until my scalp is so sensitive and sore. i also pick at my pimples, im even grossed out right now as im typing this, and i really cant believe that i do this, but i pick at them and then most of the time i eat whatever comes out its so nasty i cant believe i do this. ive read that people who are stressed, depressed, or that have had traumatic childhoods tend to do this but i have gone thru none of those things i grew up in a normal household my parents are still together and i was never abused or anything of that sort so i dont understand why im doin this, i hate it, it makes me feel like the nastiest person in the world and thats why i have never ever told anyone because i am scared that they will not want to be around me anymore or think that i am a nasty freak. i always do it in private but since most of the time i dont realize that im doin it im scared that im goin to start doin it in public one day and then everyone will know. i dont know what to do, i dont know what this is called or if i will ever stop. i dont ever want my boyfriend of 4 years to find out, we are engaged and will soon be married and then we will be living together and i dont think i will be able to hide it from him then, oh my gosh im so worried...I NEED HELP! i dont want to pick and eat these things anymore but how can i stop doin somethin if i dont know im doin it when im doin it.
June 02, 2010
I can only offer you some comforting words MP26, and you seem to have gained that from finding the site anyway.
I have read that all this DM is a kind of self comfort........for me if I feel repulsive, I pick. Its almost a self fullfilling cycle......I feel repulsive.......>I make myself look repulsive and do something that repulses me............> I now am what I feel!!! This is only how I FEEL about this, and i wish I knew how to stop doing it. I have identified triggers; stress, loneliness; boredom to name a few, and mostly my skin reflects how I feel inside.................I too had a kinda normal upbringing on the face of it, but I realise that at some point, I have found the deep introspection that DM brings me almost healing.......To spend that much time on myself, even if it is destructive seems to make me feel worthwhile and almost valid?????? Youre not alone with this and I wish I could suggest an end to it for you.........I hope you find this site as invaluable as I have, and maybe if you stop and look at exactly what you get from this, (even if it is literally pulling yourself to pieces) then you might be able to replace the behaviour with something that is more constructive.
June 03, 2010
kmj Hi! Although you have had a great childhood, some of this is brain chemistry. Someone in your family could have something related (OCD) that your not even aware of. I'm telling everyone, find someone who specializes in OCD! I understand your fear of getting married. My husband knew i picked my skin before we were married but until we got married he had no idea the full extent of it. He is the one who said, "this is not normal, you need help." After many trials in our marriage we are still married going on 17 years. He has learned with me although he feels helpless. Trust me, you won't be able to hide it. He needs to know. Or, he may suspect something. It is a form of OCD. Explain the disorder first and then tell him what you do. Get it in the open now or your wedding, honeymoon and early marriage will be so full of anxiety and won't help the situation. If he responds badly, he may not be ready for "for better or for worse." I'm not trying to be discouraging. Just speaking from experience. If you feel you can't possibly tell him. Seek treatment immediately. Your whole life is ahead of you, start fighting this now! Dealing with it is painful but I'm sure many here would tell you it's worth it.
June 04, 2010
Misspicky26, thank you for having the immense courage to admit all of this. You inspired me to tell my story in its entirety. I hope we can both find comfort, help and serenity here. Hugs ■ ~why me (whyyou? whyanyofus?)