So there I am sitting in 4th grade music class bored out of mind and I see a small air blister on the palm of my hand directly under my right hands pinky finger. I pull on it, peels off the dead skin, and think, that felt kind of good. Like peeling dried Elmers glue from my fingers after an arts and crafts session. The edges were still frayed so I tried tuggin on them a little more. I tore off small portions of skin outside the blister perimeter off and so it began...
Within a few weeks I had tore the skin off my hand top to bottom from the second knuckle of the pinky down to the first crease in my hand, side to side from around the edge of my hand over to the next finger and around the soft web between the two fingers.
Within a two days it would be hardened over and ripe for another complete go at it. I usually would not go down as deep as blood but occasionally it would break through. Getting just that top layer off was ideal. Going as deep so it seemed like there was only 1 layer of skin keeping the blood from being released was worse then hitting blood itself.
In high school I take it to the next level. I begin using a nail clipper to dig and/or start new places to rip from. Still within the same contained area.
Besides my mom I do not think anyone has noticed yet. When someone does I tell them I got burned there, no one ever asks any further questions.
College comes around for some reason I stop. It completely heals over, not only scabbed but the soft skin has returned with no discoloration. The only problem is I start in another place. This time just under my fingernail on my other pinky. The entire top down to the first crease, all raw.
A few years later that completely heals and I move on to the inside of my thumb, almost the entire thumb, skin, gone. Then it all heals. It's over. Its been a few years and nothing. Then I realize, I havent been picking my skin I've been picking at my lips to the point of bloodyness. 3 years. I finally say enough, I dont care where else I pick as long as its not noticable like my face.
I consiously start on my thumb again to avoid my face. It works and I'm glad I'm not picking at my lips anymore. However over the past few years I have been digging deep in not only my thumb, but the first place I started back in 4th grade is open again, plus I take a razer to my hangnail area pealing that back like an apple. (gladly as of late, I have stayed away of the hangnail area for the most part but that was a bloody mess when in full form). I have also added a new place. On the bottom side of my foot in the crease of my big toe.
In Short: I've come to the realization that I am now almost 40 and I will probably never stop so instead of trying I'll just keep it to places that are not noticable. Hell I figure its not hurting anyone else, its not "hurting" myself (health wise), its better than smoking, drinking, and many other bad habbits people have, so why not. It feels good, releaves stress, and kills time with no adverse affects to my health. I do want to limit it to one area, undecided as of yet, but until then as long as its not my face again or another notable area, I don't care.
For non-pickers, the best way I can describe how good it truely does feel, imagine these 3 examples.
1. Think of one of those pillsberry tubes of biscuit dough. When you peel the wrapper it weakens and eventually the containier pops and some of the dough oozes out. Well imagine how good and how much tension that would releave if you could do that to yourself. One tear at the skin is like popping out all that dough. It just releaves so much stress and tension and feels so good and relaxing.
2. Think of just after thanksgiving dinner, completely stuffed and wearing pants with a belt just a little too tight before you even bagan eating. All you want to do is loosen the belt and pop that first pants button. When you finally do, how good does that feel...
3. Get Elmers glue and smear it all over your hands. Let it dry completely. Then wait...and wait...wait soem more. Feeling like you have to get it off yet? Wait a little longer. Then peel it off. The combined feeling of finally peeling that annoying film off along with the tickling sort of sensitive feeling of the glue peeling off is the best simulation I could think of.
So theres my story... If there were a magic pill I could take and it would be all gone would I, of coarse, but I'm not going to torture myself and pick up another bad habbit that could be detrimental to my health just to quit.