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freshstart76 , 21 Jun 2010

So disappointed...

I posted on here back in April, ready to take on this battle, once and for all. So much for "once and for all". Over the past two months, life has thrown me a ton of curveballs, but the one that has thrust me the worst back into picking is a guy who I fell in love with (yes, love) who decided to go back to his ex. One of the laundry list of reasons he was so hung up on her? "... her gorgeous skin..." Since hearing that, and I'm sure he didn't realize how much I would latch onto it, I've felt like a monster. My remedy? Pick and pick and pick and pick and pick and pick. I am so depressed right now, and I have been for several weeks. I'm avoiding everything - friends, family, work, going out, life. From the very first day that I engaged in picking seventeen years ago, my goal has always been the same: to make my skin better, to get rid of the imperfections, to try and look perfect. The outcome has always been the same: making my skin worse, creating scabs and scars, destroying my face, embarassment, humiliation, chaos. When will I learn? Hoping that someone out there is willing to buddy up with me... I gotta beat this, really truly once and for all.
1 Answer
June 23, 2010
Freshstart76, I have been dating someone for a while. He lost his job and has been very down on himself. To make himself feel better, he would very often verbally abuse me. I have been a compulsive picker for most of my life. I was abused as a child, which led me to picking. Then the abuse carried over into relationships, which also led me to pick. Anytime I feel rejected or anxious, I immediately begin to pick. What your ex is doing is picking your weakest most vulnerable button to push, which is your skin issue, and using it against you to make you feel worse and make him feel more powerful. I know it's difficult, but you must not take his verbal abuse personally. He is doing this to make himself feel better because he has his own issues that he doesn't want to deal with. I noticed you said he went back to his "ex." Why did they break up in the 1st place? Most likely he is like a lot of men that are narcissists and knows exactly how to push the right buttons. If he is taking her back because of the way she looks, that is not love. He is doing you a favor. When I finally realized this about myself, that I truly need to learn to love and care about myself, I was able to stand up to my boyfriend and make it very clear that I will not tolerate anyone abusing me or trying to change who I am. I've noticed that my self-confidence has really started to attract positive attention. I also miraculously quit picking. If I'm not going to let others abuse me, I'm sure not going to let myself abuse me either! You need to realize that you are a beautiful person inside and out and to heck with everyone else that doesn't think so. Let negativity be their problem, not yours. Take the necessary steps, whether it be therapy or a good self-help book on self-confidence, and begin the process of loving yourself. Try stepping out of your skin and watching yourself as a child, mutilating yourself. What would you say to that child? How would you treat that child? Think about the things that you would say and do to heal this child physically and emotionally. This was one of the exercises I used to heal myself. You can also find a picture of yourself that you really like. Tape it to your mirror and make that face your goal! You will look like that again! I still go after the occasional zit or blackhead, which I shouldn't. I used to pick 1 to 3 hours an episode! Now I often leave the house with no make-up! What a wonderful feeling it is. I also make it well known what I will and will not put up with when it comes to relationships, including friendships. If there are negative people in your life, get them out now! Remember, it is daily process. Even if you're having a great day, you need to keep your recovery in mind, whether it be through journaling or getting on this site daily like I do! You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep updating so we know what your progress is and how you're doing!!!

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