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xstarlesseyess , 13 Jul 2010

time to get help

Hi, i'm 21 years old and have somewhat recently realized that what i'm doing to myself is actually a problem. all my life i've picked at my fingers, which i figured was just a habit that won't be going away any time soon. i used to bite my nails but when i got braces, i couldn't bite them anymore so i started picking. but i started to prefer to pick my skin and underneath my nail. now i don't have braces but still pick. i'm not sure when my NEED to start "fixing' my face started. whenever i have the start of a pimple, it needs to get popped. and if i can't pop it, i can't stop touching it. i think about it all the time and have used needles and tacs to my face to pick at them/start a "hole" which sometimes did nothing but mark my face. luckily, i don't really have any scars on my face but one from some sort of small cist that kept appearing and i kept treating like a pimple that COULDNT be there. and then started my feet. which is my biggest problem out of all of this. i used to just have a dry skin patch on my foot, just a little one and i started with that. and i don't remember how or when, but it turned into my entire foot. my one foot has only few and little patches of skin that haven't been touched (the worst one) and my other is mostly just the top. and the sides of my feet get it too. its horrible, i'm so embarassed about my feet. i just kept telling myself how stupid i was and i deserved whatever pain i got the next day cause i knew it was going to happen, and if i wanted to keep doing it, then i deserve it. i can never walk barefoot (which proved itself in a water park and my now ex had even fought about it...him being frusterated because i picked the night before.) i have to wear flip flops everywhere. my mom finally told me that she doesn't think its normal and to tell my doctor (psychologist) about it. i considered multiple times telling her about it, but i thought i was just overreacting and it was jut me being stupid. but i did and she told me that it sounds like i have a problem. she gave me a few things to do and ive been on vacation so i haven't been able to tell her in full detail everything. i looked up some info and realized just how bad i had it. i pick at my head too, and i never thought of it as a problem until i realized that i start to LOOK for scabs to pick at and get fruserated when there is none. there are red marks on my head from all of this. i think the grossest is i will pop other peoples pimples. i know its disgusting, but i literally get a rush out of it. if my pets have anything on them, i have to pick it off. skin tags? they're cut off and i get driven insane when my friends won't get rid of theres...and they have let me cut theres off before. and the worst part...i love it. even if you guys don't read all of this, i feel so much better finding this forum. i'm tearing up because i never realized just how bad its affected my life. i go into that trance people talk about and a lot of my sleeping problems are because i end up staying awake for hours picking and not realizing how much time went by. i set my schedule accordingly when i'm at school for when i'll be in the room alone. i have to hide my feet and don't let anyone near them. when they try to, i just tell them i hate my feet and thats that. its so embarassing looking...with my moms help i tried to stop, and i stopped just my feet for about a week...this past week idk what happened. i went crazy on them and am now limping around yet again. i'm ruining my feet. they are disgusting...if i let them try and heal, caluses may form...and i dont' want them! so i just keep picking instead. my fingers always hurt and look gross. i don't leave me face alone or anyones for that matter. thanks for letting me tell my story somewhat, tried not to make it too long lol but i've read your guys and they touched me. i feel for you and know you understand me. i can't believe i've found people to understand me! hopefully i can try and work on this but at this rate, i keep telling myself i must not be ready too since i can only stop for so long.
3 Answers
July 16, 2010
Hi girly! Welcome and thanks for sharing! I started to read your story and I kept saying, "Oh my God, that's so me too!" I have a lot in common with you. I just turned 22, I have also used needles on my face (and have the scars to prove it!), I pick my feet, scabs, dry skin, etc. Anything out of the 'ordinary.' I also enjoy picking at other people's blemishes. I especially enjoy removing ingrown hairs from my boyfriend's face and I have done it to everyone I have ever dated. I will pick anyone who will let me. A few months ago I had to remove this nasty blackhead that my grandpa had on his cheek. He is an oily Italian and even though he is 80, he still has oil in his skin! I even relate to the pet thing. A while back my dog had a patch of dry skin and of course, it had to go! I didn't realize that it was an issue until a few months back when I got completely out of control with my picking. I go into the trance too and have wasted so much time with my picking. I absolutely hate it! So I finally decided to do something about it. I joined this forum and also (it is a great site, too! you should check it out!), I am taking medication for my anxiety and depression and I am going to see a therapist at the end of this month to work out some deeply rooted issues in my past and whatever else comes up! And possibly, most importantly, I am more aware of why I pick, what my triggers are, that I am not alone, and that I can work toward overcoming this horrible skin picking! I am glad you found us. I hope to talk to you more soon. =)
July 25, 2010

In reply to by Kait

i'm so glad you replied and sound just like me =) its nice to feel like i'm not the only "crazy" one." my psychologist has me writing down everytime i want to pick/do pick, what i want to pick and what i'm doing at the time. i'm realizing when i do it most and have to find ways to distract myself i guess. i'll be learning what that is next appt. i will check out the other site, thanks for the info! and thanks so much for the reply, i feel a ton better. the whole picking at other peoples "flaws" was startin to freak me out haha and yeah my poor boyfriends have had to deal with it.
July 29, 2010

In reply to by xstarlesseyess

You're most definitely not alone! =) I'm glad to hear that you are learning about your triggers and ways to cope. That's awesome! It sounds like you are already making progress. You are so welcome! If you do go on dailystrength my name is bambilouwho. Hope to see you on there! You're very welcome. And...yep. lol Poor boyfriends. =P

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