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Janine , 01 Aug 2010

Dermatillomania - Bittersweet

I'm almost 17 years old and I can't quite remember exactly when I started picking my scabs but it was almost definately my early teens. I found this website and I thought I had dermatillomania but after searching a little more I wasn't quite sure so I just wanted to post some of the things I feel and some of the things that happen to see if anyone else can relate to me. I will never pick at my cuticles or skin that has no imperfections. I will only pick at existing scabs, spots on my face or scalp, scratches or I will scratch insect bites just enough to make them bleed and form a scab which I can then pick off. Sometimes I would be able to sit at a mirror for quite a while and completely zone out for a while and won't stop until my face is bleeding. Most people would think the pain itself would be enough to stop it but the small amount pain felt whilst doing it is a small price to pay in order to feel the satisfaction of picking at my scabs. It's like I'm in a trance when I pick my scabs. Sometimes I won't stop picking at my scabs until absolutely all of the scab is removed. I use my hands to feel all over my face and will pick until my face feels smooth again. I'm covered in scars which often started out as tiny spots or scratches and it's impossible to stop myself doing it because it makes me feel better. I have no idea how to approach my mum about this because she just thinks it's a bad habit and although I pick spots and scabs to make myself feel better, I often arrive at school with people staring at me and I have to make an excuse because I know everyone will just regard it as filthy behaviour. I wouldn't say I have OCD which is often related to this behaviour but I do like things in a certain way and I am very much a creature of habit and very fussy over everything. I do however wonder if I have an anxiety disorder because nervousness and fear can root me to the spot. Answering the door and making a phone call are extremely difficult tasks for me and I often trip up over my own words and my palms become sweaty. Meeting new people is so hard and I'm much happier in my own company. Most teenagers are able to live fairly care free lives but my life so far has been plagued with bullying, death of family members, unhappy schooling and I hate to say it but a mother I resent for staying with my father who I couldn't hate more. I don't mean to ramble on but I've never met anyone remotely like me and I'd appreciate if people could identify with me and make me realise that I'm not alone and it could be a genuine problem that I have. I'm also unsure if I'm borderline depressed because I often feel down but I can't even explain myself why that is, so I often find refuge by myself which will end up with me just making myself bleed repeatedly.
2 Answers
August 01, 2010
Also I don't know whether anyone else can sometimes feel immense stress and anger in seemingly normal situations. Just walking through a busy shopping place can make me feel intensly angry.
August 01, 2010
i aslo do not pick at things that have no imperfection. if my faCE IS CLEAR then i dint pick. if my body is clear i dont pick. its only when i get a imperfection and i think by picking will make it better faster WRONG! SO I M NOT SURE IF I HAVE THIS 100 PERCENT BUT I DO HAVE SOME PROBLEMS , i think a mix of bdd ,icd.. i also zone out as well one doctor told me i do it because i dont want to have to think about my real problems so i replace them by picking to release stresss but then it results in more stress cause i look like a idiot from picking

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