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mpwy92 , 04 Aug 2010

Relief in not being alone.

Hi. I'm a 17yr old girl who's been picking for years now. I think it started when my mom got cancer. I can't explain why I pick, but I know the feeling I go for. I pick for a release of tension, for that "pop!" that some of you have talked about. Whether it's a zit, a clogged pore, stretch mark, anything that will give a release. It started on my arms, where little itty-bitty zit-like things were, and it's now attacked my chest. I am OBSESSED with doing it. Even though the scars it leaves are extremely embarrassing, even though a doctor will probably notice someday during a brest exam that I have scars everywhere, even though people ask me what's wrong with my arms, I can't stop it. Not alone. I've tried. The best I can do is to cut my nails short, but that only lasts for a few days until they grow back. I can't take it anymore. I do have some depression/anxiety problems, but I'm being treated for those with Wel-butrin. In all other aspects, I'm a normal person! I have friends, I'm very involved at my school with drama, choir, show choir, track, and the school newspaper. But there's this compulsion that overtakes me when I'm alone, forcing me to hide all the marks and scars when I'm with my friends. Only a few know about it, but I can tell they think it's weird, except one girl, who once would hurt herself because of depression. Why do I do this? I just want to be happy with myself. I want to wear more feminine shirts, I want to wear tanktops. I want to feel beautiful again. I want to be able to look in the mirror and not attack myself. Why is that so hard? I sometimes feel like a freak, and I know many of you do too. I thought I was alone, but now I know I'm not. MPWY-my username- stands for Make Peace With Yourself. That's all I want, that's all I need. Please help me.
3 Answers
August 04, 2010
Hey mpwy, I know how you feel. I am 32 and have been picking my scabs for years since I was a young child. I can't stop either. Not even wanting to be more desirable to my husband has been able to motivate me to stop. If there is anything you can think of to distract you and help you stop while your still as young as you are DO IT! Try antibiotic ointment to aid healing and you can get scar reducing creams too. When your alone and get the urge to pick at something stop and paint your nails. Layer the paint really thick so it takes a long time to dry. That will help remind you not to touch anything. It doesn't matter if your nails are really short. Short nails painted with really dark colors are in right now. If your nails are already painted then clean the paint off with polish remover and repaint them. Do it every night if you have to until your skin heals up. GOOD LUCK! and let us all know if it helps.
August 04, 2010

In reply to by rattiemamma

thank you so much. That's a good idea about the nails! To just keep doing it and doing it again. Something awesome happened today. I went in the bathroom and was about to take a shower. I normally would see myself in the mirror and attack myself but I was able to stop myself today! I was so happy. I haven't picked all day. I've been trying so hard though, I've even broken downa few times but I know I can do it!
August 05, 2010

In reply to by mpwy92

Thats great! I'm so glad I found this site. It helps to talk about it with people who understand. And it feels great to think I might come up with ideas that might help someone else.

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