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Harlequinqueen1 , 27 Aug 2010

Don't care anymore

I've been picking so long I don't care what damage it does, especially when I'm doing it. I have tons of scars, but that doesn't seem to stop me from picking. I actually tried to get some help for it from a cognitive behavioral therapist and even she said she doesn't know if she can help me cuz of all the underlying issues that I have going. Do any of u feel hopeless and feel that u just can't stop and don't want to stop? I have been so full of anger and hate lately I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm on meds for anxiety and now on top of that I have depression. And most days I don't care if I want to live or die. Bad place to be. I just don't care anymore. There are times that I wish that I could make more scabs to pick at, but I'm not making new ones, just keeping the old ones alive. I feel like I just want to give up.
3 Answers
August 27, 2010
You're not alone. I know all too well how you feel and sometimes I feel like I avoid picking for the approval of others, and that, too, never addresses the underlying causes. I'm also on meds for depression and anxiety. Probably a bunch of us are. I personally have always had issues with CBT because of that very reason. While it may help the end result, the fires that caused it still rage beneath our surface so the "results" are temporary at best or may result in some other addictive behavior or manifestation. Not very cheery I know. Can't help it, but you're really less alone on this than you think you are.
August 27, 2010

In reply to by Popcorn47

Thanks for the reply. It helps to know that I'm not alone. My Cbt therapist doesn't seem to know how to help me. And I don't think any drug can help. I think the battle I struggle with the most is the anorexia and the depression, and thoughts of suicide. I often don't want to talk to anyone except maybe my therapist or my husband but even then I pretty much keep my feelings to myself. I think the picking is just a symptom of all the anxiety and everything that I mentioned here plus the OCD. I wish I could be in a better spot, mentally healthy and happy. I just don't want to be fat trying to get there. I thought happiness was getting a lap dog and it still is. What brings u happiness when your feeling totally out of control? Sometimes happiness to me is eating a bowl of cherries. That may sound silly, but that is what temporarily made me feel better for the moment. Or having a piece of peach pie. Have u ever tried using bandaids over the sores that u make? I have tried that, but then they fall off and it's back to picking again. I hope u can find a way to stop picking, even though it may feel good at the moment. Sometimes it hurts when I pick but I do it anyway and have never got an infection that I know of. Really thanks for listening to all that is going on with me. I hope to hear from u again to see how u are doing.
August 28, 2010

In reply to by Harlequinqueen1

I have a collection of bandaids because I'm always using them. I've never seen another living person put on so many bandaids before. I also have something called "second skin" which work better but expensive, it's around $8 for 6 bandaids, but they're colloidal strips that stick for usually a week. The whole thing sticks over to the wound and as the wound heals and seeps out that fluid, the fluid collects under the bandage turning it white and puffy and when the bandage is "full" you take it off. I like these because you can also custom cut them. But when you've got them on your face and shoulders, it's another one of those things I find myself making excuses about. But they do work better than regular bandaids. I still use both, and admittedly as long as the sores are covered up I tend to leave them alone (often though in search of new flesh). The good thing is when these second skin bandages come off, the wound, while not fully healed, has been softened and relaxed, not tight like when it's air dried. So they're a lot less itchy. The medication in the colloidal ones is also wonderful. Somehow it helps to drain the wound while protecting it and letting it heal on it's own. They use them a lot for burn victims because they're very soothing and cover larger areas. A typical bandage can be around an inch and a half wide by 3 inches long, and the whole thing is medicated, not just a little square in the center. This makes them more effective because I have some that have grown together forming strips of bumpy keloids, so one bandage can cover two bumps fully. Unfortunately my scarring is permanent, raised, bright purple, and can't be camoflauged. On my face I'm scarred and there's only so much bandage on the face time you can use up before it gets weird.

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