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KerriAnn , 10 Sep 2010

Skin picking starts at night

Hello everyone, my name is Kerri. Finding this website and all of you brave individuals struggling with this serious problem, has given me hope. For my entire life I was ashamed, embarrassed, and kept my problem of skin picking a deep, dark secret. First, I want to provide you with a little background about myself and my journey on this horrible path of dermatillomania. I started to picking at my lower legs about the age of 4 or 5. Usually, I would have several noticeable scabs appearing on my legs, which started from a simple mosquito bite or cut. I remember my Mother would punish me for engaging in this behavior by taking away all of my favorite dresses. This only made the problem become much worse. My family would constantly question me about my scabs and “poke fun at me.” This lead me to always wear long pants so no one could critize me or see what I was doing to myself. Not one person obtained professional help for my problem my entire life. Now, as a 23 year old, the dermatillomania has been diagnosised as OCD by my psychiatrist. After years and years of this torture of dealing with constantly wanting to tear my skin apart, it has taken a serious toll on me. I have recently started picking my face, chest, neck, back, and sometimes my legs. Usually, the picking really starts to begin around 8 or 9pm and can last endlessly until 7:00am. Sometimes, depending on what is going on in my life, I spend up to 6 hours a day picking my skin. I honestly can’t live in this constantly pain and struggle. Sometimes, if it’s been hours of picking and I just want to stop, I begin to cry. Once I start it, I know I won’t be able to stop unless I feel satisfied and my skin is completely torn apart. I am embarrassed to attend my college classes or go out and meet new people because my face looks horrible. It looks like I abuse some sort of CNS stimulant drug. I know people often stare at my face and problem wonder why it looks this way. I try so hard to cover it up with makeup but nothing can cover up this severe problem. I haven’t been able to be intimate with anyone or have a serious boyfriend because of my skin picking problem. I feel like I am missing out on my life by isolating myself all the time, due to my fear of being judged by others. I feel soo ugly and unwanted. Does anyone else feel the same way?
2 Answers
September 11, 2010
I am right there with you! I also started as a kid and always pick the most at night. I feel so guilty during and after. I also have a 3 year old son who picks his lips so bad that his pillow is covered in blood, his lips are always looking painful and his nails have blood under them. His young age tells me this is something we are born with. I finally want to get help so I can help him...
September 11, 2010
Yessss! I feel so unwanted so much of the time. I was traveling recently(my skin was really bad and I couldn't cover it with makeup), and this little boy saw me and made THE most awful face. He touch his own face and looked absolutely horrified. I wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. I have a hard time meeting new people too. Its so hard because I always assume all they can see is my skin. I feel like it is a barrier between me and new people. I also look like Ive abused drugs (like meth or something). Im 20 now and I have had a few relationships, but its always been a huge factor. One word of hope though...There is one friend of mine who is a guy. We have always been just friends. For some reason I've never tried to cover my skin from him. He is one of the only people I will let see me makeup-less. Anyway recently he told me that he has had a huge crush on me for a long time. I couldn't believe it! How in the world could someone who has seen my skin in its completely decimated state like me? But he does. So hey there is hope. If its the right person you wont have to hide. THEY WILL LOVE YOU ANYWAY.As they should. But still its hard. I pick for hours too. And always at night. I hateeee it. Last night I couldn't fall asleep so I eventually started picking. I was nervous because I knew I was going to meet up with someone I haven't seen in a while who I desperately want to like me and find me desirable. Anyway the picking took over and I couldn't stop. Its like my hands become possessed and I have no control, they aren't my hands anymore.

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