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huggyberra , 23 Sep 2010

picking to achieve zen??

I pick to remove layers and get to the smooth skin below. I pick until the blood is exposed, because only then I am sure I have gotten to the bottom. In my life, I feel like I have never gotten to the bottom of the the way things are supposed to be. At the surface, things are calm, there is no noise, there are no more thoughts..just me and my quiet mind. Tearing leads to biting, leads to swallowing...Its not that I enjoy the taste, but how else do I get rid of it? Best to destroy all to destroy those layers that encompass all of my negative thoughts, worries...even POSITIVE thoughts.. I guess I do it because I want to get to that place.. A place where I could never seem to get to....absolute purity...nothingness....peace...tranquility...acceptance...unconditional love...?????
5 Answers
September 24, 2010
Yeah, I think everyone tries to get to that perfectly pure skin - the kind you see in magazine ads. Anything that is not smooth is wrong and dirty and getting that away - in our minds - means that we'll be perfectly clean. Sad how the reality is the complete opposite from that, isn't it? And the worst thing, I think, is that we actually know how much damage we are doing and that we'll look worse if we pick instead of the pureness and cleanliness we are opting for. I don't know why it is, but in a picking trance, everything becomes better. You don't feel the pain, you just see how much you are ridding your skin of impurities and that... gets you high, I think? Isn't that why people do drugs as well, even though the consequences are severe? The high is worth more than the consequesnces and brings a profound peace and serenity. What do you guys think? Is a picking-trance comparable to a drug-high??
September 26, 2010

In reply to by bottervliegie

Yes it is. I smoke weed because it deadens me makes me numb and kind of braindead and I have picked forever too. In both cases, it is like my sanctuary from the rest of life and people. It feels like quality time to myself to switch my brain off and cause as much damage to my face as I can,as if it is a treat or an indulgence -which I know sounds so messed up. The trance state is so powerful that it scared me until I realised lots of people get into it too.I can lose hours in that state. At the moment I know I need to stop both but due to being depressed, it is hard to care for myself that much and I value the escapism too much right now. I gave up picking for a couple of weeks recently and found instead that I couldn't eat or stop sweating. It was like my anxiety was forcing it's way out elsewhere. I started up again a few days ago and instantly got my appetite back. I'd love to be free of all these vices, but I'm scared about what will be revealed in my psyche if I don't have them.
October 06, 2010

In reply to by Bathsheba

Yeah, it is relaxing 'me' time, and the trance can get really scary. What's even scarier is that I enjoy the sensation when I pick something perfectly. I like the feeling of it squeezing out--when it's done perfectly--it comes out clean with no mess- I congratulate myself. Then I tell myself, 'see, it was good that I did the becaus that's one less blemish n i AM HELPING my skin.' Too bad I only get them out perfectly maybe 2 times out of 10.
October 06, 2010

In reply to by Dancingpopes

So many of us can relate to this. When I first it referred to as a "trance" state, it hit me like a ton of bricks. And YES, it is a trance. I would sit on the bathroom counter for HOURS and I felt particularly proud if I could extract that grain of rice just leaving a tiny hole. Never mind tomorrow it was a bruised mess. The clean blood also made me feel success. It's when my fingernails slid on my skin and would take a slice of skin with it, that would irk me. It's hard for a non picker to believe this causes us no pain, or the pain I feel at least feels like a good pain. I'm in no discomfort at all, and there's a giant sense of relief. It actually feels good, really good. Same thing here because I figure, if I can see it and it looks gross to me, then it must be good for my skin to get that gunk out that doesn't belong there. That's the biggest thing, it doesn't belong in my skin and must be taken out. Once in a while I can get 'em out pretty cleanly but yeah let's face it, besides most of my face already being scarred, the current active acne is just overblown in my mind.

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