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picker_rn , 05 Oct 2010

New here

Hi all, I am glad I found this site! I have been a picker ever since I can remember. I am 30 years old. I have always picked and chewed my cuticles, my hands are a wreck. I have horrible calluses on my right index finger and my left thumb from picking/biting. My right index finger is the worst, I am sure it is forever deformed. I also pick any zit or blemish that pops up. The first time I remember picking a zit I was 8 or 9, and my mom showed me how pop a blackhead on my dad's back. Gross, I know, but I was addicted after that. I cant look in a mirror without picking, I always walk out of the bathroom with red marks on my face. I have always felt like it is something I should grow out of, and I think the zit picking has gotten a *little* bit better, but the finger chewing/picking has gotten worse. It is worse in times of anxiety, boredome, while watching TV or a movie, driving, thinking...the list goes on. The thought of actually stopping makes me anxious, and I feel like it is something I would never be able to accomplish. I am a nurse, and I feel like people look at me with disgust if they ever see me do it at work, with all the germs around and all. Don't really know what I am willing to try at this point, if anything, but I thought I would at least get myself out there to some people who might understand. Thanks for listening!
4 Answers
October 08, 2010
welcome:) my mom taught me how to pop my first blackhead, too, except that it was on me. she treated it with such angst and disgust that I've had to remove any blemish since then immediately. I'm sorry to hear you feel judged at work, but i think it's great that you are a nurse. good for you.
October 08, 2010
Hi I am 31, and I have a fear of getting out of my house, my mom was agoraphobic, and I feel I have those tendencies myself. I was Jehovah's Witness during my child hood, and you where only allowed to play with children who were Jehovah’s witness; being that there was no one my age to play with in the church , and my parents never took me over any ones house to spend the night I was socially deprived as a child. I get anxiety when I have to go places and I often find excuses of why I shouldn't go. I feel that I use picking at my face as my escape to feeling I don't look good enough to get out of the house. I was also abused physically and mentally as a child, often told I was stupid, and a fat ass. I feel that sometimes I used picking at my face as a way of confirming I'm not pretty. I know this isn't right but I don't know how to stop. The only option that I have is to get rid if my magnifying mirror, I'm going to try this and see if it stops me from doing the massive destruction that I do to my face 2 times a day.
October 23, 2010
wow, this is like reading my own story. my mom used to get me to sqeeze her blackheads and tweeze her chin hairs (no joke). And then when i was little, my step dad would have me squeeze his pimples. i used to have a cat when i was about 7 and i would go through his fur to pick at his skin as well and could do that for an hour. And i actually forgot about these things until reading your experiences. I am almost 30, so we are all about the same age it appears. I too walk out of the bathroom with red marks on my face, and hope people do not notice them, but in someways want them to notice them. I am now also into removing body hair, and even get sissors to cut hair on my face, which probably only i can see. But now i have this fuzz going on, as once it was cut, it grew out and is more stubbly (blonde though for the most part).
October 25, 2010
I find this thread interesting. My husband feels this compulsion to pick my scabs and blackheads but the thought of picking at him or any of my pets makes me sick to my stomach. I can self-mutilate but doing it to someone else grosses me out. Ironically i'm in the medical field and have this problem sometimes where i'd rather perform surgery on myself than touch the blade to flesh that's not my own.

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