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Today I was exploring wikipedia. What would start as a search for malaria ended up in as a study on obsessive compulsive disorders. I guess I have a short attention span. . . Anyhow, I chanced upon the word "Dermatillomania". I have never heard of dermatillomania. I read the description and instantly knew I had made a monumental discovery about my life. I was shocked. I have dermatillomania and have been picking compulsively since ... forever! I knew it wasn't normal and would hide my habits from others. But I didn't know it was a legitimate mental health issue. A compulsive disorder. OCD. Feelings of relief plagued with despair. . . Relief, because I've read many of the posts on the site. I can empathize with everyone. Like reading pages from a journal. Personally, I've been picking since a child. If you look at photos of me as a child, you'll see the scabs on my face. On my arms. Even before kindgergarten. My mom, thinking I had a histamine problem, would put me on anti-histamines. She asked me if my skin was less itchy. I would say yes, but in reality, it wasn't itchy. It never was. My obsession with smooth skin continued to the teenage years. I felt I had to purge my skin of the filth inside and only then, once all the pus and buildup became the comforting flow of blood, could I be at ease. I am 21 now, and pick without thinking. It's like breathing to me. How could I possibly stop? But you all know this too well. . . I feel despair because the discouraging recovery statistics. And I am evaluating who I am. Does my identity change? Obsessive compulsive is something you hear about in movies and on the news. I think of someone who turns a light on and off 3 times with rituals and washes their hands all day. I belong to a new category now. .