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Does Anybody Understand?
ive been picking at my skin for as long as i can remember. i am a 19 yr old female with the lowest self esteem, respect, and confidence for herself. i pick when im mad, happy, sad, frustrated, scared, it doesnt matter how i feel, i pick and i cant seem to stop myself from doing it. will power does nothing to ease the constant urge to pick at every and anything. i am scarred for almost 50% of my body. and i still cannot seem to stop. i remember being so upset one day, that i locked myself in the bathroom, used the magnifying mirror on the wall and picked at my skin for hours. until my arms hurt from holding them up and my face felt hot and red. i feel like all the sorrow in my life is displayed on my skin. i used to be a beautiful little girl. now im ugly, and i know it, and theres nothing i can do about it. i feel like ive gone to the place where u cant return. ive tried explaining to my family and some close friends what my condition is and they never seem to get it. they just tell me to stop, its bad for you, itll go away. ive never actually seen a doctor for dermatillomania but ive known that i have it since i was 15 and smart enough to research my condition. all i want in my life is to be happy and do things that normal people do. but i cant, not while i have this condition and not while i look like this. the scars on my face have been mistaken for chicken pox it's gotten so bad. i cant keep friendships, or a good relationship. i cant think myself worthy of a mans time because of the feelings i have for myself. i quit a relationship before its even started. a guy can call me beautiful 50 times a day and mean it with all his heart, but i wont believe him nor will i give him the time of day. its that im so sure of my disorder, everyone elses truths dont matter. in my mind, i believe that i know all the truth and the only way i can live a normal happy life is if i treat my scars and treat my disorder. i also think im depressed. i like being alone alot. it saves me the despair, i never like being around people because no one i know looks like me. they all have clear skin. i feel beneath it. if anybody understands where im coming from, please respond. i need to get reassurance and guidance from SOMEBODY, i feel like im all alone. thanks for reading.
In reply to Yes sweetie, I do by Aargh