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sho1234 , 25 Dec 2010

CAN ANYONE ELSE RELATE? THE NEED TO CLENSE THE SKIN!- blackheads/clogged pores. similar?

I am completely and utterly fed up with this! I used to remove the blackheads my nose. I got into a ritual of getting rid of everything like this all over my face. I then used to just go to the mirror, mostly when I was tense or stressed - for relief. I felt better after. Then, it esculated into a very obsessive cycle. Into the skin picking "disorder". Ive always been painfully shy and self concious and I know I could face the world so much more easier if I was happy with my skin. If it was clearer/smoother/non problem skin (even though I am aware I create most of it). It is usually triggered by an itch, sensation that there is something underneath the skin. A few times when i had a very stressful job.(I lost it mostly due to SAD and SPD) I felt like my skin was changing due to the grease in the work area.I saw these slightly raised red bumbs with a yellowish middle. It erupted when forcefully squeezed and more and more came out. I destroyed that area- I had to dig right down to get the root. If I left it what would of it turned into? Or would it of got even more deeper and worse? I began to have a fear of developing such a thing again, knowing that Id have to destroy my face again to remove it. I have a fear of developing deep/ blackheads/cysts that will very difficult to remove and will just look ugly! I can cope with just red spots, solid ones, small ones, the ones I know will dry up and disappear. I feel terrible knowing that ive got clogged pores on my face I simply HAVE to remove them or what will they turn into? Thats another thing. I was able to leave my face for 2 weeks, knowing that I simply have to stop because its a never ending cycle. I thought "Right I have removed everything" All i need to do now is clean my skin so bacteria wont spread and cause more and the empty pore will be clean and patch up" The thing is, once I find or feel something in my skin, I simply have to remove it straight away.It is a messy business. You go from one to another, carrying what you removed to the next. I try and wash my hands after the first dozen. But you go out of control, your completely focused, there aint time for a careful, clean procedure! I try to just remove that "one" that is bothering me but then I asume theres more and I see more. I get to the point where I have already wrecked my face so I dont see any point in finishing. I also seem to remove what hasnt even come to a proper head yet-to prevent it from becoming worse or deeper. I cant stand it filling up and being pushed deeper into my skin. Need to withdraw it. If i can let my face heal for 1 week/2 weeks I start noticing that the scabs start falling off and that beneath them is more to come out. It has a bump to it that really annoys me why cant it heal smooth! I also find other miniscule blocked pores and others blocked pores. I say to myself "see this has happened now becasue you spread bacteria". Or "see your face is starting to block again because you put too much healing lotion on it etc. So now your gonna have to fix it" But surely this isnt the case? Then I think well whatever the reason I just have let it heal, I believe I just make my skin worse and more prone to these things. I think if I just leave it now, its going to fill up worse than ever before and I'll develop awful acne/almost permanent acne. I promise myself that I'll remove what really ought to be removed, can easily be removed, that is on it way out. But thats basically everything in my book. Can anyone else relate to this bizarre way of thinking. Got any tips, advice? Thanks a lot
11 Answers
December 26, 2010
i completely relate. its a vicious cycle. i wish i could tell you how to stop, but i dont know at this point either. good luck though and let us know any progress
December 28, 2010
I feel exactly the same. I just posted because I don't think I'll ever be able to accept that a subtly clogged pore should be left alone - and I know just what you mean about clearing everything out to start fresh, but then if there's a clogged pore you feel the need to squeeze it to "clean it". Such a cycle!
December 28, 2010
Yes, its so frustrating. I thought i was only person who had this obsessive thinking. Once i left it for a while. Saw 1-tried to just focus on that 1,but presumed there must be another near by. Now i vow to stand arms length and if it looks fine frum there-thats al that should matter. My face looks awful at the moment! Absoluly awful. I seriously cant even think abowt anything other than healing what ive dun rele! Whats everybodys face like now or am i the only 1 to look like a car crash victim at moment? X
December 28, 2010
I completely relate to everything you're saying. I get depressed thinking about how much time I've wasted picking at, cleaning and scrubbing my skin. I need to find better ways to deal with anxiety and escape the cycle. There are two episodes of the show "Obsessed" on A & E that deal with skin picking. I found it comforting to know I'm not alone. One thing I have found helpful to stop myself from picking is to wear a face mask. I almost always pick at night; so after I wash my face before bed I immediately put on a face mask. It prevents me from seeing my pores. Even though it's silly, I sometimes wear the face mask to bed. I've been picking my face for over fifteen years and this is really the only thing that has helped.
December 30, 2010
So understand this...exactly my thought processes. I can't stand the scabby feeling when your skin is healing and it's so itchy...or maybe that's just me because I have eczema. I guess sho1234 is right...we should only stand so far from the mirror, but I get this intense urge to want to stand 2 inches from the mirror to make sure I got everything. My boyfriend yells at me for"you only see it because you have the mirror right up to your face!" If they only understood what it was like to be us.
December 31, 2010
I also go over scars if theres a clogged pore or blackhead. Any 1 else do this. Also once a scab has formed and falls off-i presume that its filled up again so i go over it again to make sure all is gone. I know i should just forget about it lol. But i know its there..then I know another ones the point where im walking around feeling so uneasy and uncomfortable in my skin..where i just wana rip it off.
January 01, 2011

In reply to by sho1234

"Rip it off" relate to that...i say that to myself all the time "I just want to rip it off"...i wish i had somoene else's skiin sometimes, or else crawl in a hole and
January 18, 2011
This post sounds like I could have written it myself. It makes me feel a bit better knowing i'm not the only one who thinks like this. Since staring to read and post here I've definitley become more aware of what I'm doing and seem more able to interrupt myself, especially when I notice theres more to come out once a scab has healed. I always really want to go at it again as I get that frustration of feeling that as itt's healed the pores should be clear there. I've only made it 3 days in a row so far, but overall I've definitely cut down on the amount of time spent picking and only had 1 "session" in over a week. So hopefully I'm on my way to stopping...
January 19, 2011
You put words to everything I have been doing to my face since I can remember. Especially when you said you have to get the root out, even after it initially heals. It's as if I am in anotgher dimension when I start going at it. But there is hope and you have it here at least I think so. I just found this site on Monday and I started the 21 Day Challenge and I am on Day 3 today. Some people suggested limiting your time in the bathroom with the big mirror, others say to cover the mirror. What I do is everday I put a new post it on my mirror which has the number of days I have been free of picking, today both my bathroom mirrors have DAY 3 - YEA! And then I go to this forum and get inspired by people like you.
January 19, 2011

In reply to by gtilly19

I'm on day 2 of my second attempt and the posts here are keeping me motivated too. I've go a page from a magazine on my bathroom mirror of a girl with beautiful skin and really natural make up to remind me what I aspire to be. Seems to be working so far but I think I'll add the post-its too - I want to be as pro-active as possible and keep my motivation up!

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