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ste , 29 Dec 2010

Tired of acne

I'm a 45 year old male who's had moderate to severe facial acne since age 14. Recently its been getting worse - usually around 5 to 10 spots on the go at any one time. I just can't seem to leave them alone though. Two days ago a new spot formed and I really tried not to touch it, but this evening, just feeling the bump, and the urge overwhelmed me. I also have three scabs which I then immediately worked on too. So now I have four red and weeping spots. I totally get the trance thing which has been talked about here....but to go with it I have a huge sense of anger...especially just as I finish picking....angry that I picked and should have held off, angry that the scab will be with me for a week or two, angry at my acne, angry that I can't just hide for a couple of weeks while the scabs heal. I was so angry this time that I had an urge to get a piece of sandpaper and just sand down my whole face. Right now I feel 'dirty' with a sensation of wanting to climb out of my own skin, if that makes sense. Tomorrow I have to face clients and colleagues. I wonder if they'll be thinking stuff like 'he doesn't have the self-control not to pick'. Tomorrow I have yet another day of passing people in the street and envying those with clear skin. I hate this.

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