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GreenMom , 15 Jan 2011

Misunderstood-Finger Picking

I've been a compulsive finger picker my entire life, since I was really young and saw my brother doing it, although not to my degree. I'm now almost 32 and can count on one hand the people that know about my "secret". In discussing my sister-in-law's recent experimentation with pot with my best friend she essentially told me that I was being hypocritical and that I do this to hurt myself and that makes it no different than any other addiction. She said that I was doing this to escape reality and even though I wasn't an addict of drugs it was the same thing. This is so heartbreaking to me and nobody will understand unless they are also a compulsive picker. Does she really think in pointing this out it will help me at all? Of course not, it will only make me pick more! The truth is I do need to stop, I've been to therapy several times to deal with my issues but the picking never seems to stop unless I'm on anti-psychotic drugs. I don't want to be on pills the rest of my life. It's not fun to go through life hiding your hands, having to haul around this secret, hoping that nobody notices and if they do notice that they don't bring it up. It's even worse that I know of no other pickers personally and my one best friend chose to use my "secret" against me. Damn it I'm just so heartbroken and upset.

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