New to the forum - Introduction

Hi. I'm a 30 year old woman from Atlantic Canada and I found this web site a few months ago, but I didn't have the nerve to post on this forum until tonight. I've had problems with scab picking for as long as I can remember and with scalp picking since I was a junior in high school. For years, I never thought I had a problem. That is, until my former boss noticed my picking and the scars on my arms and legs (my primary picking spots). She made a huge issue out of it, threatening that she'd force me to wear long-sleeved shirts and pants in the middle of summer heat waves or that she'd fire me if I didn't stop. It was a pretty traumatic experience to have her notice this and react to it in that way, especially since I hadn't admitted to myself that it was a problem, but it certainly made me realize what I was doing a little more. Not enough for me to stop (or even try to stop!), but certainly enough for me to be more conscious of what I was doing. I learned about dermatillomania by chance because a local TV news station ran a story about it. That was the epiphany for me, when I suddenly realized I wasn't a freak, that I wasn't alone. My whole life, until now, I never had a problem with my picking. I remember, as a kid, explaining the scab picking by saying that it annoyed me to have a scab on my skin, so I had to get rid of it (even though I would then bleed and a new scab would form...). I don't really know what started the picking since I've been doing it for so long, but I have noticed that it gets worse when I'm under a lot of stress (when I was younger and had acne on my forehead, I'd pick at those zits and then just keep picking at the scabs I'd create). I've also had problems with depression my whole life and whenever I get really depressed, I seem to pick more. It was really bad after my son was born, when I had postpartum depression and when I developed eczema on my hands. When my skin broke out in a rash, I picked them raw. It looked horrible, my friends, family and co-workers noticed and it was excruciatingly painful, but I couldn't stop. The only thing that made me stop is that I went to my doctor, got medicated cream and the eczema cleared up. The scalp picking started when I was in junior year in high school, after a really traumatic break-up with my boyfriend at the time. He was manipulative, possessive and he left me for one of my best friends (at the time). He'd made all the decisions for me in the relationship (even down to when we went out, who we went out with, what I ate when we went out, etc.; he basically never let me out of sight), so after he broke up with me, I suffered from severe depression and panic attacks. Just as an example, I left a convenience store in tears one day because I couldn't decide between 7-Up and Sprite. So, I started having panic attacks in class and the attacks would make me feel like I was going to throw up. To distract me from the nausea, I would pinch the nape of my neck, right at the hairline, and also behind my ears. This led to me actually going through my hair, finding bumps on my head and picking at them, thereby creating a scab. I still do this to this day and I can go for hours, until the friction of my hair on the pads of my fingers leaves my fingertips raw and aching. The reason I'm seeking help now is because more and more people are starting to notice. Both of my arms and my legs are covered in many dark scars. I work in retail and even customers are starting to comment. My son, who is now 6, has also noticed, especially because I pick at him (and my husband) too. My mom noticed this summer and commented on how, the older I get, the more likely my skin will scar and the worse things will look. This is making me more and more uncomfortable and is making me realize that I need help to deal with this. I've tried to slow my picking, but short of wearing a straitjacket, I don't know what else would work at this point. I have a lot of other issues I'm dealing with right now, so I'm going to look into finding a psychologist and once I do, I'll talk to this person about my picking and try to bring this to an end once and for all. But I also need support from people who are going through the same thing, so I'm reaching out to all of you. Thanks for reading...