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An Introduction
Okay, so here goes. I'm not a big believer on internet sharing but I've reached a point where I can't do it alone anymore. So I figured what the hell, why not share with other who suffer just the same. I'm 29 and male and have been picking since childhood, you know scabs, mosquito bites, cuts etc. Then thru HS, mostly boredom in class and the acne due to puberty. Then it just got crazy off and on for the next 10 or so years. I've got bad skin anyway, the older I get the worse it gets. Rolling up my shirt sleeves, taking off my shirt, pants, looking in the mirror all cause me to look for something to pick at. Like I said, I've got bad skin. I get ingrown hairs all the time, my forearm and biceps are always red,bumpy or broken out. Same for my legs,bottom and now my back. In some spots it's falling out even. It's like infected pores, little bits of white stuff clogging the pore causing it to go red, get infected and then the hairs die off. I'm getting it on my face now too, along with broken blood vessels that just keeps spreading. I'm prone to anxiety/depression and am now believing I have a personality disorder. I've gone weeks and months without picking, thinking I have it beat and then one day I just go off. I can space out for minutes up to hours, just frantic. I just become totally disconnected from my mind/body/spirit. I get really bad cuts that just bleed and scar and I've got them all over. Mostly my upper arms. I've been sinking into this void lately and it's getting worse and with it the picking. Last night I had a bad episode. There no self-esteem, and very little self worth right now. Anyway, I just wanted to share a bit about myself and some background info. Looking forward to sharing with you all.
February 02, 2011
yes i often feel like a zombie when i start picking.. i can't stop. i'm tired of the way my skin looks and i know picking only makes it worse. ughhh... its really hard not to stop, but i'm tired of feeling like i have to hide my face under coats and coats of make up. i sometimes find myself rubbing my whole entire body just trying to find a bump or something to pick. it's hard, but i'm tired of feeling like shit about myself
February 03, 2011
"I can space out for minutes up to hours, just frantic. I just become totally disconnected from my mind/body/spirit."
I can't tell you how much I can identify. Once I'm sitting on the bathroom counter a few inches from the mirror it's all over and I can be there all night. I once assumed the position when I just got out of the shower before a big night out. When I left the shower I had three hours to get ready. In what felt like a few minutes, my phone was going crazy with my friends asking why I was so late. Time just completely loses substance when you're in that perfecting trance.
February 03, 2011
Wow it's crazy how much I can relate to this. I started picking at my skin when I was in 5th grade and have not been able to stop since. I'm 22 years old, in college, and last year I got diagnosed with OCD. I guess it's common to have CSP with anxiety disorders, I would definitely call it my compulsion because it's the perfect release to a stressful day. I can pick for hours. My upper arms, my chest, my shoulders and my face is where I tend to pick the most and I hate it!! It makes me feel so ugly and horrible about myself, I just want to be able to feel normal. When I pick my skin I'm not satisfied until I can squeeze it and see blood come out. The severity of CSP has been getting worse despite me being on Prozac so I'm not sure what else to do. I'm hoping sharing my story here and talking to people in similar situations will help me better deal with this and maybe even completely stop.
February 03, 2011
I understand more than you know. I get the relapse, the fixation, the scars, the lack of self-esteem, and even the upper arm focus! It's such an awful disorder... and it's something outside of our will that makes us do this. Still, we can fight back. I just started getting on this site too.. the constant reinforcement is really helpful. Good luck... you can change this :)
February 03, 2011
I've never gone in for the internet sharing before either, but reading throught the posts on this forum and the other general info on the site has helped me so much over the past few weeks. Knowing others are experiencing the same thing has been really helpful and helped me face up to what I am doing. If you're trying to stop try keeping checking in here and posting, even if you feel it's not really "you". It reminds you you're not alone.