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potatoes , 08 Feb 2011

There may be some hope!

I started picking when I was 17 and got close up to the mirror and realised all the bits in my skin such as around the nose and on the nose that looks like the outside on a strawberry and causing minor skin damage from spot squeezing. Since then I have been wearing make-up to cover my face for 5 whole years. Obviously it made me an unconfident person because I couldn't deal with the fact anyone seeing me without make-up, I felt I was living in a nightmare and wearing a constant mask. BUT . . . One day my skin was great again. I didn't wear make-up anymore and the marks eventually faded. I stopped using brands as I used to spend a fortune in the BodyShop. I stuck to a simple face towel with water and then followed with moisturiser. I find that blusher also helps even out the general face tone and avoids distraction from slight facial marks. I felt overwhelmed that I was suddenly no longer wearing make-up and I was just me again. However . . . and I have no idea why I started to do this again, maybe due to that I waited so long for my skin to get good and not wear make-up, that once I reached what I wanted I still wasn't happy. Instead, I think I turned more mean if anything else when I felt I had nothing to be unconfident about anymore (which by the way didn't help my relationship). And maybe because I thought I was beautiful and it didn't make my bf like me any more, I suppose made me more anxious which caused me to pick at my skin again. (A silly dilemma, I know!) I wasn't even picking at spots but any roughness in my skin (which I sometime used a scalpel for! - Never again!) Obviously I got myself extremely upset, even avoided work and then had to deal with customers with a ugly face. I felt my life was going backwards again, 5 years ago which made me extremely sad. I plastered myself with make-up again and wouldn't let my bf look at me up close. And I hate make-up because I feel it doesn't represent the person who I am and I like to be natural. But the weird thing is that my bf has reacted so kind. And tells me they will disappear one day. And I hope so as they have done before. I've also spent a fortune again on products hoping they will sort my face out quicker. When I wish I had used these products when my face was good instead of picking at it. Not only that, I have fucked up my legs too by plucking ingrown hairs! But my solutions at the moment and to maybe help you all out there too . . . Is to take regular showers so you will feel refreshed and not dirty to start picking. For leg treatments: Exfoilate legs to get rid of dead skin cells to renew its surface. I use boots scar care serum all over my legs. Then Palmers cocoa butter. Repeat morning and night or at least once a day. For face treatment: Boots botanics cleansers, some have a AHA (Alpha hydroxide acid) which helps renew the skin surface. Followed by toner and the same boots scar care serum. Then moisturiser. And if necessary, mineral make-up. If not going out for the day, keep face clean with no make-up and use sudocrem on particular spot areas or open wounds.
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