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discreetsheep , 09 Mar 2011

I really hate this...

First of all, I'd like to say how glad I am that this site exists. I'm nineteen, and I have been struggling with picking my acne compulsively since 2007. When I really take a step back and look at how destructive picking has been to my life, it's startling. I realize that I'm constantly thinking about the condition of my face (to varying degrees, especially in social situations). It's honestly caused me to not enjoy life nearly as much as I could be. I look back on all my memories from high school- and realize that picking influenced ALL of them negatively in some way. For a long time, I put up with acne. I hated it with a passion, but I figured that it would eventually just go away. Here I am almost four years later, with a scarred up face and a broken spirit. I get really angry now. It's the sort of rage that I only feel in that situation. Everyone knows the feeling... you step back from the mirror after a session of picking and think to yourself, "My gosh... what have I done?". That feeling of absolute furiousness, frustration, and helplessness that comes over you when it settles in that you've just fucked your face up badly. This feeling increases based on the amount of time you've successfully been able to abstain from picking. So many times I've said to myself, "This is the last time. I never want to feel like this again." I might hold off for a few days... but, the urge comes back. I might be sitting watching TV, and my fingers make their way up to my face. Unconsciously, I start picking. Then, I catch myself- I say... well, I'll just pick this one zit and be careful about it. But, as anyone here knows, it never happens that way. I keep picking until I reach the point of no return. I say to myself, "Well... I've already screwed my face up this much, might as well keep going." It really is the most difficult thing to deal with I can think of. It hurts... No one can know how much it hurts until they've experienced it firsthand. It's a seemingly inescapable cycle. That's why I'm taking a stand. I need help though. I never talk to anyone else about my skin picking... I just bottle it away. That changes now. I hope that fellow sufferers will share what they know about the road to recovery. Also, I long to help others with this condition, because I really do understand how if feels. I'll be praying for everyone on this forum tonight. We can conquer this stupid disorder. Who's with me?
3 Answers
March 09, 2011
hey, just wanted to say i'm right there with you. i turn 19 next month and want this to be in the past by that time. i've been picking since the beginning of my acne in 7th grde although in the beginning i only had a zit here or there so it wasn't too bad but of course it peaked with my acne in highschool. after seeing a dermatologist i was prescribed topical gels and pills that cleared my face amazingly and i think it was at that point that i would just find places to pick since nothing stuck out at me. my acne has subsided to a minimal point but yet has been an issue for me the first semester of college because i pick. i thought it would stop because i'd be living with others but it did not and caused many problems. a month ago i found myself hiding out in my room and putting on weight because i did not want to go to the gym with my face like it was i joined this forum and tried stopping but it wasn't until 2 weeks ago after another destructive session that i skipped 3 days of classes and a fun weekend so that i could sit in confinement until everything healed. i'm happy to say that since that point i have not picked, so i really think this is it this time. i'm on day 13 and its easily the longest i have been without picking. any advice/support i'm here. good luck, you can do this.
March 10, 2011

In reply to by anonymous31894

That's great. I'm so happy for your success! Just wondering, what acne medication has proven to be the most effective for you? I've tried a few different over-the-counter things, but nothing's really proven to be completely effective. I used to use this Benzoyl Peroxide stuff, but after it ran out, I realized that my skin actually started clearing up better without it. I would definitely consider my acne moderate. I'm the one that makes it a real problem. I've realized lately, that for the past few years I've spent a lot of time with only my guy friends. I think that's because I'm not threatened by them. My lack of confidence in my appearance effects how I act around girls, and makes me really uptight, and, consequently, afraid to really express myself. In other words, I don't feel worthy to hang out with girls anymore. I've never really thought about it, but subconsciously I think that's what's going on. I appreciate you taking the time to reply. It really helps to know there are other people out there who I can identify with! God bless!

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