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ConnieR , 26 Mar 2011


Does anyone here feel they have issues trying to control people, and situations (skin conditions in particular?) I have huge issues around wishing that people in my life would act differently to the point it causes me so much agitation that I pick. I feel that when I pick I am doing maintenance and trying to get my acne, and scarring under control. Today my boss was talking about his skin, and seeing a dermatologist, and while he was talking to me, I felt this huge ammount of self consiousness, fear, anxiety etc. I felt like he was talking in code, saying that my skin is bad. I think the tension and anxiety I felt so tense and anxious. I also repress my feelings alot, and I end up picking over that too. I don't always assert myself, and If I am very angry, and feeling unmanagable, stressed, anxious etc...I pick to deal with it. I worry constantly about my skin, what others think of me, my husband, stability etc. I criticize my looks everyday, and say horrible, hateful things to myself. This negative self talk makes me feel inferior to others and creates a downward spiral. I feel powerless alot. When I have no makeup on, there is no way I can let my husband near me to love me, it is awful. I even threw up in the toilet the other day because I overate...this is the extent of my self harm and neglect. I really need to relax more, surrender, and let go. I need to breath and invite calmness int my life. I just want a killer life. I want to feel madly in love with my husband, and what I do for a living, I want to be ecstatically happy. I obsess so much, and not just over my skin, but I obsess over people too. I think it is the same disease, it is all connected-yet I often can't imagine what my life would look like without my husband. Thank you everyone for letting me share, and if you experiance any of this, please let me know because it helps to not feel alone, and if you have recovered from these issues, please share how you did it because I would love to take suggestions.
1 Answer
March 26, 2011
It look like you've identified a lot of the things that make you feel this way - congratulations! it took me years! I can certainly empathise. I'm not sure how many people here with CSP have other problems too, but i have always thought of my picking as part of my anxiety/depression cycle. I have had treatment for anxiety and depression, both drug and talking therapies, and they have helped A LOT. I have learned about why i think the way i do, and what i can do to break myself out of a bad thought cycle. the therapy never touched on my picking, which was a shame - i suppose i hadn't realised it was an issue at the time, but i feel it could have made a big difference to that too. certainly my skin is much better now than it has been previously, and now that i have decided that i don't want it in my life any more it is much easier to start to stop (if that makes sense!). I couldn't imagine trying to deal with it when i was at my lowest points. Then just getting a shower in the morning was a very big deal, definitely not in a fit state to assert some self will-power! I think skin picking is a sort of self-harm, and we probably pick for similar reasons that other people cut themselves. I think for me that getting my mind sorted has had to be the first step - everything is so much easier when you can trust your thoughts and emotions! good luck to you today. i think that you've made a big difference by identifying a problem and being ready to fix it - i'm proud of you!

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