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nitpicky , 27 Mar 2011

what if you pick at more than yourself?

I am in my 50's and don't really get blemishes per se, however, I am constantly squeezing dark pores or pinching the clog out of them between the tips of pointed tweezers. I tweeze eyelash that don't grow in exactly the right direction (they kind of criss-cross sometimes, of if I find a white one, i pull that out even though mascara would cover that up. I pull at my eyelashes sometimes between my fingers when they feel irritated and end up pulling out a few leaving a huge bald gap!! now this is gross, but I'm by myself at the time and everybody has to clean their nose... but I can't stand anything in mine... and I even use tweezers to make sure. I know, totally yuk. I pick at the corner of my eyes. And of course I do all the usual stuff... scraping off those little bumps on the back of my arms, or squeezing out little hair folicles that i think have root problems...??? I squeeze the creases of my nose to get out any kind of clog in the pores.I feel like a total whacko!! I constantly stretch my neck muscles to the side several times a day. I sometimes wiggle my nose and can't seem to stop. I've had times when I couldn't control blinking my eyes at an incredible rate. My mouth has to be busy all the time... clinching my jaw, rubbing my top and bottom teeth against each other back and forth, chewing the inside of my mouth or my lip, biting my cuticles, etc. I stretch my neck to the side several times a day and feel I can never stretch certain muscles enough or my nerves are going to pop out. I get some kind of wierd satisfaction out of picking feathers out of anything stuffed with them... and not a few mind you. I feel across the surface over and over again for those stiff little quills and almost feel elated to find one and pull it out! it's hard to stop and it makes me feel really relaxed for some reason. When i was a kid, I would push my finger into the tight plastic wrapping on meat in the grocery store.... not piercing the wrap mind you, but just an indent. There are people like the character "Monk" for instance that have to straighten things into a perfect row or whatever... this seems to always be in straight lines or right angles. I have the opposite problem. I can't stand to see things all in a neat line. I see them in an angular patterns and feel the impulse to change the standard order... so far I am pretty self disciplined about moving other peoples' things around, thank goodness, burt it still drives me nuts! I used to wake up feeling like I wanted to pull my skin off... like bugs were crawling around underneath it. It's hard to find ways to relieve the physical craziness... sometimes grabbing huge handfuls of my hair and pulling as hard as I can helps. I don't cut but I have scraped my arms and legs with rocks just to feel something else for a few minutes. There are so many things I pick at or mess with and get some sort of a feeling like "purging," that i don't really feel like it's so much about WHAT I pick as the WHY I pick and can't seem to stop. All this takes a back seat to the bipolar II and major depressive disorders I deal with and chronic asthma, but sometimes I am so very physically and mentally tired of being me! My life is great, my marriage is wonderful, we aren't well-to-do by any means, but we eat every day and sleep in a warm bed with a roof over our heads... I know God has really blessed us and i am very grateful for it. There are a lot worse problems I could be suffering with and I never ask "Why me?" I just wish I could be a calm and relaxed individual without always feeling like I'm going to spontaneously combust if I'm not constantly fidgeting with something every second!!! p.s. I am on a daily regimen of anxiety/depression medication and am doing much better than I was 3 years ago, yet I'm still pickin', but not a'grinnin' !!
3 Answers
katie1093
March 27, 2011
Thanks for sharing your story. It's interesting to read the various stories but I find I can relate to all of them. I was going to suggest medication to you but at the end of the post you mentioned your on it and it helps. This helped me a lot but definitely hasn't cured the problem. Medicine did help though. From about 4th grade until 20 years old, I plucked my eyelashes. It didn't hurt and it was a relief in some off way. The outcome was horrible though, I was left with no top lashes. I don't know exactly how I overcame that problem, maybe it was with the help of medication, and the unbelievable urge to stop. It was extremely embarrassing. I would lie and say I had alepisha, which is a disorder where your hair falls out. Anyway, when I stopped doing that, I started picking my face. I'd say this is the worst it has ever been. I am beyond ready to stop. I have never felt like this before. I hope you and I can both get our afflictions under control. It is embarrassing, shameful, and has taken a toll on my self-esteem. I feel weird! If anyone reads this and ever wants to talk, I would love to e-mail back and forth with someone. My e-mail is lando.kate@gmail.com.
leaf79
May 14, 2011
OMG! Everything you just wrote about (except the feather thing) is me!! though I also: rub my nose incessantly, rub my eyes, and stretching also include cracking. I crack all of my joints; knuckles, knees, back, neck, elbows. Sometimes I am unable to bear not cracking no matter where i am or who i am with and will contort myself into odd positions to get the crack out. I hate it and its immensely embarrassing. Also, because I do get pimples I getting the added joy of having them to pick at. Also I have Bi-Polar...cld it all be related? Thanks for posting, Its extreamly thought producing. I saw your post was a month and a half ago - how are you going with it all? I just found this site yesterday and Im making a big effort at changing, i followed a lot of the tips various people have posted so wish me luck : ) I would love to shoot you an email sometime to discuss more. Best of luck.

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