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potatoes , 28 Mar 2011

started again and frustrated with myself

i've have been using lemon juice as part of my regime to help even my skin tone. I felt good some days and mornings to wake up and not have any redness or soreness as everything from my past picking days had healed up flat although leaving lots of brown pigmentation around my nose and cheeks. Although I should had appreciate my skin then than it is now because somehow I was not satisfied that if my skin appears to be improving, then I should might as well get rid of all the blackheads along the process. But I have forgotten how upset this makes me as it makes my face worse and I am left with holes. At the moment I am covering them up with sudocrem, so I won't look at the disaster I have left on my face. I have not left my room yet and I feel like rubbish. Not knowing how long it will take to heal and not only that, the damage I am leaving. I hate to wear make-up as it just covers up the problem but I know what I really look like. I was able to confront my bf when I made my skin bad without make-up and he was being kind despite how ugly I felt and how much this does my head in. I am worried I am going mental, I don't know why I do it when I have already told myself over and over again that picking will only make things worse and how horrible I felt before but it seems like I have forgotten that or something. I keep contemplating about the past, how I miss my make-up free days and having beautiful skin, I wish so much that the picking at the start of this year never took place at all because now it seems to be taking over my life. I admit I have this illness in which I can't stop picking. Eventhough I may want to leave it all alone, I come up close to the mirror in the process of it healing and I see something thats caught in the hole I'm picked, and I'm digging so hard out of it to get it out. I understand this makes it completely worse. But I feel if the damage is already done, I might as well take all the crap out from it too.
1 Answer
March 28, 2011
The method Im using now is look at skin as whole more,not to stretch,poke skin to see whats there etc. But to only really do something about it if is obvious from a few steps away (right on the surface) becuz every1s skin looks worse up close. Its what it looks like from normal distance. If i notice a blackhead/bump i dab a tiny bit of garlic then teatree oil on later on. That will work on them by shrinking/fading them. This is an effective way of treating them. I use this method on ones that arent ready to come out too. Too stop me using my fingers! It also gives me peace to know that the antibacterial properties are fighting it instead of my hands while not making it worse (they r strong so a tiny bit of each-a stroke) Imagine if one day we woke up and our skin changed over night and its mechanisms. That our skin never got clogged again so everyday we look in mirror all we see r clean pores-which ment we never got spots again. We hope and expect to see this image after everytime we do it but that wont happen.W cant pick our skin like this forever. Can we? If it hasnt achieved anything now,will it ever?-we stil find places to pick, only to make things worse so we end up feeling more down about our skin.We think and hope we've 'finished' everytime but how long we going to need to carry on going till we feel like we have finished. In the last 11 months ive caused 5 more ice pick scars and several marks . If i carry on for another 11 months i risk doubling that. I dont use makeup becuz this clogs up my pores so I stay clear of that. I just wear hoodys/scarfes lol to hide wounds etc! Lemon is very harsh to skin and should onli b used no more than once a week diluted-trust! If u read about what the acid can do etc. Evening skin tone-i find it sorts its self more or less out on its own. We have probs irrited skin and made the colour uneven. Cucumber juice is good and soothing. X x x keep strong.

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